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The angels from hell

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  19:14:10  9 November 2008
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GIJOE94
(Novice)
 
On forum: 09/02/2008
Messages: 37
The angels from hell

The noise from the engines straining was defening as the helicopter plumeted to earth. Some top bandits stole a helecopter from a military base, a few kilometeres from the zone. No one knew why this chopper was so important, or why it was intercepted by 57 bandits outside of the zone. But only one wanted to know. Ivon Druckravik, joined the fight for the zone only last year. The lone stalker stood on a hill, looking over the dark vally. The hind chopper was only too low in altitude and out of control. It was spinning and rolling and flying in all directions. Then as it flew over the brain scorcher, a ground shaking explosion sounded through the area. This was bad, shock waves rippled the atmosphere as the radiation was spread all over the warehouses, god help those mercs. Ivon was sure he was the only surviving stalker to have seen the insident. Convinced there was something valuable inside he made his way back into the garbage, through the bar and into the warehouses.Just at the outpost, the bodies of the mercs. But, no way their death was caused by radiation. Their bodies where ripped to shreds, unlike anything ivon had everseen. But still, he carried on. As he made his way into the brain scorcher, Ivon could hear his geiger counter increasing rappidly. It hadn't been this active, even when it was turned on. Lucky he had packed his bio suit. Anyway, he carried on. As he neared the wreckage the counter was whiring uncontrolably. It was very quiet, almost too quiet. Ivon was about 200 ft from the wreck, he got out his binoculas and took a look. Strangely the chopper was glowing with a greenish light. The bodies where no where in sight. He neared the hind and got to the passenger cabin. It was glowing so intensly it was blinding! Ivon slid open the door, then a green flash...
Too be continued...
  19:21:55  9 November 2008
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Fulcrum
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 12/15/2007
Messages: 555
Your story doesn't seem subtle enough. Personally I'd have liked to hear a little more about the enviroment. Describe the area hes in etc.

"twigs snapped under this footsteps and the occasional rustle or bark from a distant dog kept Ivon jumpy. Up ahead Ivon could see a pillar of smoke emerging from the forest" etc.
Just my preferred type of story though I like the description

It will be interesting to see what foul fate Ivon meets in this, please continue
  19:41:58  9 November 2008
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GIJOE94
(Novice)
 
On forum: 09/02/2008
Messages: 37
Thank you. I will continue, using your advice. Once again cheerz !
  21:11:50  9 November 2008
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GIJOE94
(Novice)
 
On forum: 09/02/2008
Messages: 37
Next bit:
The smell of burning hit Ivon in the face as he awoke. He had no memory of anything. Who he was, where he was etc... As he sat up and opened his eyes the scene fell into view. Loners sitting by a burning campfire talking, eating and playing the guitar. " He's alive! Hey he's awake!" cried one of the loners. Then a stalker dressed in an exoskelington suit got up and walked over. Armed with a Il 85 he crawled over. "Hey man, you don't realise how lucky you are, we thought you where dead. My name is raptor, these are my men" he said gesturing to the other stalkers. "Where am I?" asked Ivon. "Hell" replied Raptor. Now evrything fell back into place. "The chopper, the crash... green light... where..?" Asked Ivon panacing. "Ok, calm down. We found you by a downed hind, inside the brainscorcher. If it wern't for me and my men youd be history." said raptor. "How come?" asked Ivon. "Well, first you where being attacked by these... things. Nothing like snorks or blood suckers. Then, when we got to about 70 feet, the geiger counters went mad! Right of the scale. Anyway we fired a couple of shots and the monsters ran away. We managed to reteive you and we tested your blood. Incredible! You should be dead, the radiation in you is so high, you cant be living, but yet here you are." replied raptor. "What next then?" "Well, thats what we want to ask you, what where you doing in that area? Whe checked your PDA and you had no quests." said reptor. Ivon replied. " I... hang on, what about you?". "Well, we were sent to check the crash. Why was that chopper so important that you needed to go to an area as life threatening by the brain scorcher." "I saw it crash, but... bandits had stolen it and... it came from outside the zone. What are bandits doing with a military chopper outside the zone? The exits are too guarded. Also, there was a pulsing green glow I saw when I went to check it, coming from the passenger cabin. We need to go there." said Ivon watching Raptors face grow with interest. "Listen, I'll tell you what, I'll help you with this... quest if you give me anything valuable from the chopper." Ivon thought about it for a second, then made his decision. "Ok, by the way my names Ivon". "Ok Ivon, leave it to me. Ok men, fall in. Right as you know, we found this guy by a downed helicopter in a dangerouse area. Our mission is to investigate the wreck, and retrieve any treasures inside. Ok on me." They set off down a muddy path. Looking around, Ivon realised he was once again in the dark vally. Eventualy they got to the merc checkpoint. "Poor bast..." "Ok enough" said raptor to one of his men. Eventualy they got near the chopper. It was nolonger ablaize but the glow still loitered. "Ok men, get on your bio suits, we're getting close." said raptor to his troops. They neared the chopper and looked inside. No bodies, no weapons but just a metal case which the glow was emitting. They opened the door and retrieved the case. One of the men was watching an empty bus shelter to the left. He saw something move. "Raptor, Theres something in there I saw it." raptor egnored it and placed the box on the floor. The smell of burned metal emurged as they opened the case, being smuthered with smoke. As the smoke cleared they saw wat was inside. A Large green hollow crystal lay inside, with a liquid like substance inside. Then evrybody heard a loud growl and wailing, which made their heads feel like they where going to eplode. Then the air in front of them lunged forwards...
stay tuned for part 3!
 
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