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Melancholy Faith

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  07:31:15  22 March 2007
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
Messages: 22

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I give your story a 7/10

Your writing style and pacing are good. The description of the action could be a bit more extended. In an action-filled short story like this the portrayal of all the actions and reactions and placing them in the setting is important to give the reader a way to 'see the action'. I'm a big fan of fantasy writers like R.A. Salvatore and Raymond E. Feist because they can really bring a written scene to life. Reading a story is picturing it in your head. The better it is written, the easier this picturing becomes.

I found the content of your story the weak point. Basically it is a small story about an assault or hit in the world of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. For some reason you throw in A LOT of psychology, especially for such a short story. I found that quite tedious and at the end rather pointless: I found no real significance for it in the story. This also makes the beginning very heavy, the title alone could be enough to make people kill themselves.
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7/10? Ouch, I guess I do see your points though. As for the whole psychology stuff being pointless, that was more or less the point of the story. But for the sake of curiousity, why did you think it was pointless? Would you say the story in and of itself was illogical? Not really trying to challenge your points, just trying to learn from my mistakes.
  03:41:54  22 March 2007
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Deznaj
(Senior)
 
On forum: 03/21/2007
Messages: 116
I give your story a 7/10

Your writing style and pacing are good. The description of the action could be a bit more extended. In an action-filled short story like this the portrayal of all the actions and reactions and placing them in the setting is important to give the reader a way to 'see the action'. I'm a big fan of fantasy writers like R.A. Salvatore and Raymond E. Feist because they can really bring a written scene to life. Reading a story is picturing it in your head. The better it is written, the easier this picturing becomes.

I found the content of your story the weak point. Basically it is a small story about an assault or hit in the world of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. For some reason you throw in A LOT of psychology, especially for such a short story. I found that quite tedious and at the end rather pointless: I found no real significance for it in the story. This also makes the beginning very heavy, the title alone could be enough to make people kill themselves.
  03:11:31  21 March 2007
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
Messages: 22

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It was good, just noticed a few mistakes. When you used the word "women" it should be "woman" instead. Women refers to more than one, and you were only speaking of one woman.
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Ah, thanks for catching that mistake. So...what would you rate it from 1-10?
  06:47:47  27 February 2007
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Obfuscated
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/21/2007
Messages: 32
I quite liked the wording and descriptions used in the story but I felt the ideas were a bit disjointed and thrown in. The story could have been better if Kiev was not so hollow, he seemed perpetually pissed which made the story tiring after a while.
  20:29:17  15 February 2007
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Mord
Tofu Zombie
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 02/13/2007
 

Message edited by:
Mord
02/15/2007 20:29:51
Messages: 225

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Hmm....this part of the forum seems pretty dead. Probably no chance of getting my story into the contest at this point.

Wow!, over 1600 hits and only one member has responded. go figure...
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It was good, just noticed a few mistakes. When you used the word "women" it should be "woman" instead. Women refers to more than one, and you were only speaking of one woman.
  18:30:27  27 October 2006
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
 

Message edited by:
NocturnalMe
10/27/2006 18:53:05
Messages: 22
Hmm....this part of the forum seems pretty dead. Probably no chance of getting my story into the contest at this point.

Wow!, over 1600 hits and only one member has responded. go figure...
  05:36:54  8 August 2006
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
Messages: 22
Any other opinions on this? Also, how do I go about entering this into the contest?
  17:41:25  27 June 2006
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
Messages: 22

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Not many flaws at all, your style of writing is dry which I like.
The only mistakes i see are when you slightly over use an action like "He said." I have always struggled with actions in my writing too, but yours are really minimal.

Other than that your command is very good.
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Thanks for the compliment. But, what do you mean "dry"? As in boring, or concise dialog?. This one was a little rushed, so, I dunno it's not a true representation of my actual "style".
  14:55:50  27 June 2006
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Emsley
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 07/08/2005
Messages: 340
Not many flaws at all, your style of writing is dry which I like.
The only mistakes i see are when you slightly over use an action like "He said." I have always struggled with actions in my writing too, but yours are really minimal.

Other than that your command is very good.
  01:20:25  27 June 2006
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NocturnalMe
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/28/2006
Messages: 22

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I like it.
8/10
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Thanks!. Would you be able to tell me what the flaws of the story were? I'm trying to improve my writing abilities.
 
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