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The fallen

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  22:15:03  4 September 2008
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odyseus
(Senior)
 
On forum: 03/04/2008
Messages: 50
Yea, that was just when i didnt have acces to the internet, so it all piled up until i got home, maybe i shoulve posted small sections.
  05:28:50  4 September 2008
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Commissar
(Senior)
 
On forum: 07/06/2008
Messages: 107
Wowza, you should really fix that >_> at least indent a little...no offense or anything, but atm that's killing my eyes
  04:39:57  4 September 2008
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AlaskanKnight
(Senior)
 
On forum: 02/20/2008
Messages: 127
It's pretty good, I think. You do need to think about your giant bricks of text, but, it's not really a problem. Also, watch out for slight grammatical things such as "im" for "I'm" and such. It seems fairly good, though.

Keep up teh good workzors.
  07:47:11  3 September 2008
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odyseus
(Senior)
 
On forum: 03/04/2008
 

Message edited by:
odyseus
09/04/2008 22:13:56
Messages: 50
The fallen

Sorry about the title, I didn’t really know what to put until “The Fallen” popped into my head. It might have something to do with the story later. Also I don’t know if this will look like a complete wall of text, it probly will cause its over three pages in Microsoft word

Ok, I finally got enough ideas into my head to write a small story or something of the same. While on vacation I’m typing this because I know I should write a story and that I had a couple of ideas in motion, but never enough momentum to get them going. Be advised this is my first posted story so it may be rough. I was planning on typing this on a tiny ass old hp 95lx every night, but I would have no idea how I would transfer the story from it to the computer. So without further ado, my story

“Have you ever felt like you’ve been caught up in something that you wished you weren’t in? I have, and as I spend my third year in the zone I regret the decision I made on March, 27, 2009. It all started on my fifteenth birthday as my friends and I started talking about the latest Blowout at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant. Mike, Yurich, Signe, and i had always wanted to go into this Zone and get rich off of all the artifacts and fight bandits ever since we had heard of the Stalkers and of these artifacts that stalkers turn in for tons of money. We had already made over a dozen plans to run away from home and go to the zone, but every one of them ran into a problem, one such problem was how we would get there, which was almost always the number one problem on our list, but we all had jobs, not high quality jobs but jobs that we have been doing since we were kids and the owners are just now deciding to pay us for it. Mike worked in a factory that built brooms, he was one of the many people that were just work horses that would do heavy lifting, Yurich had a job at a local bar, the pay is good, but he sometimes get in the crossfire of bar fights, Signe works at a farm far away, he has to ride his bike there every morning and gets a ride on the farmers truck, I am a clerk at a small family owned store, that has been robbed more times than I can count. We all had our hopes up that someday we would be in the zone and be happy, but they were all just false dreams.”


“Now, three years into the future I am somewhat celebrating my eighteenth birthday, the only thing it needs is a piñata boar filled with candy inside, and a clown dressed in a bloodsucker costume, but alas the only special thing that is happening tonight is my own special meal that I have prepared for myself, of course it’s nothing fancy, it’s all just SOS (that’s Shit on a Shingle) with some roasted boars meat and some weird tasting probably expired potato gravy on a few slices of stale bread, yummy. As I finish my meal and shove the cooking supplies back into the chest, I shoulder my SKS and decide to walk up to the high part of the warehouse, for I am in the Stalker camp in the garbage. It is around 0123 hours, as I climb up the stairs I can’t help but think about how I had acquired my firearm.

It was a few months after my 15th birthday and after one of our many talks about the Zone when my friends and I finished counting the money that we were saving up for the trip to the Zone. When we realized that we had over two thousand rubles, all of our jobs that we were working, over half of our money went into our Stalker plan and the rest was taken by our parents for Vodka and cigarette money. We had been saving up for some time now, just putting money in the plan, not knowing exactly what we were going to do with it, until one day Yurich says that while working he overheard someone that was in town that was going to the zone, a drunk soldier that was bragging about how he was protecting the border of the zone and doing the right thing about keeping the zone separated from the rest of the entire world, and that he had to go back to the shithole of an outpost in a week. At this we all got overly excited, but then started worrying if we would have enough.


The next day Yurich tried to get the soldier as drunk as he possibly could, sneaking him shot after shot of vodka to him trying to see if he would take us for cheap. Finally after over half an hour, the soldier decided on a price, In exchange for a few bottles of vodka and 500 rubles he would take us when he left. This posed no challenge for us because we had more than plenty of both of those things. The vodka we would steal from our parents and we would still have 1500 rubles left over. After Yurich told us the news, we decided to get some equipment, or at least the equipment we could get. We each got a good backpack for 150, about twenty pounds of non-perishable foods then we were each given some money for personal equipment. I bought a hunting knife, and a machete, some combat boots, a water bladder, a good thermal sleeping bag, and a cheap Geiger counter. I still had about 100 rubles left that I decided to keep. Mike and Yurich bought almost the same as I did only not the machete only Yurich bought a few headlamps, and mike bought Zippo and a couple of MREs. Signe, being one of the smart ones of the group decided to buy two hunting knives, boots, sleeping bag, a gas mask, and for some reason bought a laser sight and a scope. We all met up later and in total had about 504 rubles left which would hopefully pay for a gun or two in the zone.”

Well im tired and I don’t know if I am doing the cost of the things with rubles right because I have no idea how much things are so if things are completely off with the money and costs of things please tell me so I can try to fix it.


Alright now I’m in the car and on m way home and trying to write now, but I don’t think it will be that good because reading in the car makes me sick, so Ill just go until I fell sick

“As I finish the climb to the second story I take a look outside to the train tunnel before I stand out in the open for some fresh air, all clear when I start walking out I see the watch guard sleepily watching the path to agropmn. “Damn man” he says as he recognized who I was “You scared the shit out of me” “That’s not very hard to do” I said as I laughed at the night tower watch whose name was Seidhoff, but we all just called him Seid. “Damn that smelled good did you make that” “Yea its not all that fancy” I replied “It’s just an old recipe that my grandpa told me, he learnt it in while he was in the military.” As I finished my sentence I heard a few raindrops on the metal roof of the warehouse and heard the sound of dogs barking growing more and more silent as the rain pounded around and muffled just about everything else in the garbage. “Crap” Seid said as he put his hood over his head making every sound even more muffled and shoved his ak-74u under his coat. “Well at least this will keep the dogs away for a while” I said, for when it rains in the garbage, the rain falls on the giant scrap piles and with it the rain collects more and more radiation, so for a few days if you stepped in a puddle or small stream you would get quite sick. “Yea but that doesn’t stop the bandits, or the bigger mutants, in fact id rather have it not raining so I could see better than have protection from a couple dogs and rats for a few days. There might as well be a whole entire pack of bloodsuckers right outside the fence for all we know.” “Seid don’t be stupid, there hasn’t been a bloodsucker sighted in the garbage for more than a year now. They prefer dark secluded places, and we know that there aren’t any in that tunnel because there are way too many anomalies in there.” I said “Still” he said “I’d much rather fight twentybandits in the day than have to deal with a couple of bloodsuckers at night while Its raining”
A silent rumble starts getting louder and louder as a military helicopter flies over matching the thunder. “What the hell are they doing all the way out here this late at night?” “Hell if I know” I said “Undoubtedly there going to agropromn, probly coming back from some recon mission.”

Ill probly write more, i was in the middle of thinking, and now i have to think more.
Plz say whats good and whats not, ill need all the help i can get if im going to continue to write
 
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