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Angela's Story

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  03:52:43  28 June 2008
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HL2 Master
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On forum: 06/28/2008
 

Message edited by:
HL2 Master
06/28/2008 7:33:55
Messages: 271
My first fan fiction posted online---Angela's Story

I have written fan fictions before but this is my first fanfiction on here, it is based one year after Shadow of Chernobyl, that is why I mention "the blow-out that caused the zone to expand again". Please excuse the spelling mistakes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the sun was setting over the zone, the rain softly pattered down around the camp. Stalkers sat around the fires, talking and telling stories, or in old buildings eating or sleeping, trying to get shelter from the rain and wind outside. One sat on an old log by the entrance to the camp as a lookout, occasionally stopping to write a letter to his family. Even though most of the stalkers were busying themselves with various tasks, or socializing, one sat alone.

She was a female stalker, with brown hair and hazely eyes, her name was Angela. Nowadays it was not as rare to see a female stalker, there were many of them in the zone, though few ventured into the heart of the zone. Angela had only been in the zone since the last time it had expanded, that was one year ago. In the year that she had been there the zone had gotten more and more dangerous. Someone or something had been meddling in the center of the zone, in turn setting of a major blowout causing the zone to expand to twice its orginal size. She figured that it must have been one of these crazed adventurers trying to reach the rumored "wish-granter". Angela did not beleive the rumors about the wish granter but she did beleive in the zones evil and its power to create unimaginable horrors because it was something she had experienced first hand.This had taught Angela to keep her wits about her, play it smart and not piss the wrong people off.

As Angela sat there leaning aginast the fence, one of the stalkers who was over at the campfire called over to her, "Hey Angela, we are going to open a bottle of Vodka in a couple of mintues, do you want some?" "Sure, I'll be there in a second", she said. As she was sitting there she thought back to her first week in the zone.....

She had been walking along a forest path when three armed men in tatterd clothing and black hooded jackets stopped her, one of the men leant to his partner and muttered something to him in some language other that russian, this was a problem for Angela since she only knew English and enough russian to get by in the zone. Whatever the man had said caused his partner to laugh. One of them started to walk toward Angela, rifle in hand, making her feel very uneasey. In an attempt to get a sense of what their intentions were, she greeted them. All three men immediatly noticed her north American accent, then the man in front looked around to his friends and back at Angela saying, "Ooohh, and american girl, we love american girls."

Angela was quite scared at this point and put her hand on the old revolver on her waist. The man suddenly raised his rifle and snarled, "dont even try it yankee girl". Angela was nearly in tears at this point. One of the men in back said, " dont cry, just want to rob you and have a little fun thats all". Simultaneously the three men started to laugh, and then surround her. She started to fumble with the catch on her holster as the man with the rifle, presumably the leader, hit her in the head with the stock of his gun. The men rushed her, knocking her down and kicking her in the ribs. They started tearing off her backpack and spilling the contents and taking what they thought was of value. One man drew a large knife and cut away her belt and hoster, then malicously poked her in the arm. As the men rumaged through her belongings, the leader got a call on his radio.

"Serege, get your men and get your asses back to the camp, we are
storming a rookie camp tonight it mught be fun!" At that the men started piling things back into the backpack as the leader was admiring the new revolver he had aquired, he turuned to head back up the path, when one of the other men said, "Boss, what about her?" "Leave her, its getting dark and there are bound to be some hungry wolves around." With that the men headed off back to their camp, leaving Angela beaten and barely contious.


Even though that was a year before, it was still something that haunted Angela, she became warey of meeting new people, it almost even made her want to leave the zone and never come back, but she had things to do that was why she was still there, that was why she was heading over to the campfire for a glass of vodka before bed.
  08:46:28  29 June 2008
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HL2 Master
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On forum: 06/28/2008
Messages: 271
Please...

Please give the first part of my story, "Angela's Story" a chance. I put a lot of work into it and alot f though, I would really appreciate people's opions on what they liked or what I should work on. It would help me grow as a writer.

Many thanks.

HL2
  08:52:22  29 June 2008
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Stierlitz
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On forum: 05/25/2007
 

Message edited by:
Stierlitz
06/29/2008 8:56:42
Messages: 6854
Threads merged.


Anyway, I read it and liked it. The tension build-up is good, considering it's such a short story. Of course you expect the worse to happen when female stalkers are involved.

Personally, I have nothing to criticise, so I'm waiting for the next part of the story.
  19:24:38  1 July 2008
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HL2 Master
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On forum: 06/28/2008
Messages: 271
Thanks for the good comment, I will try to put the next part out today.

HL2
  03:08:24  2 July 2008
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AlaskanKnight
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On forum: 02/20/2008
 

Message edited by:
AlaskanKnight
07/02/2008 3:12:25
Messages: 127
I liked it - the Zone really does need more revolvers, you know. She should be grateful that things didn't get funky, though.

Anyways, for speech:

Incorrect: "Hey, dude," Bob said. "Wazzup, man," Frank replied.

Correct: "Hey, dude," Bob said.

"Wazzup, man," Frank replied.

----

That's the only thing I'll be critical of since I'm tired. Otherwise I like it, though. Good premise and good story, and your paragraphs are pretty good sized. Now, if only GSC would pay us to publish a 'Big Book o' Stalker Fiction' or something. We could always wish.

But, yup, I'm done rambling, now. (Normally I write something and forget it thirty seconds later)

-The Alaskan Knight

EDIT:

Also, if you have a word processor, those things are super duper handy for spell-checking and stuff. I just tried that for the last thing I put up on that one thingy I'm writing whose name I forgot, and I ended up writing more than normal and at a higher (I think) quality!

Anyways.

Keep up the good work!

Later.

EDIT:

ZOMG. I R HEART STIERLITZ



(Just kidding.

Maybe.







)

Back on topic:

Like I said, WP's are handy dandy.
  07:41:35  2 July 2008
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Stierlitz
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On forum: 05/25/2007
Messages: 6854

---QUOTATION---
ZOMG. I R HEART STIERLITZ



(Just kidding.

Maybe.

---END QUOTATION---




Wanna date?


Just kidding.

Maybe.
  09:45:48  2 July 2008
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xRatx
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On forum: 06/18/2008
Messages: 1592
It's the more cool story i ever read
  13:27:13  2 July 2008
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AlaskanKnight
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On forum: 02/20/2008
 

Message edited by:
AlaskanKnight
07/02/2008 13:28:01
Messages: 127

---QUOTATION---
Wanna date?


Just kidding.

Maybe.
---END QUOTATION---



Sorry, but those long-distance relationships never work out. I would know...

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HL2 MASTER?!
  18:48:22  2 July 2008
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Stierlitz
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 05/25/2007
Messages: 6854

---QUOTATION---
Sorry, but those long-distance relationships never work out. I would know...


---END QUOTATION---




Oh...

*Sniff*

  18:55:42  2 July 2008
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HL2 Master
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On forum: 06/28/2008
Messages: 271

---QUOTATION---
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HL2 MASTER?!
---END QUOTATION---



Hey what do I know?! lol
 
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