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Dawn of the Shiva Suckers

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  18:56:45  25 September 2009
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Nexus 6


On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081
Interesting start. If I have one crit (more a piece of advice), it'd be about expressing ideas. Sometimes it seems like a good phrase or image has entered your mind and you've got it down. Nothing wrong with doing it that way (better than forgetting), but it can do funny things to pace. Take a breath, 'see' the scene...and then paint it in words. Of course, you don't have to include every little thing - as you probably already know - as that looks like character hyper-awareness and/or over-explanation, not leaving the reader's mind anything to chew on.

Shiva sucker sounds well scary!!
Look forward to reading more.
  20:08:43  24 September 2009
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Cake Muncher


On forum: 01/08/2009
Messages: 4114
Good stuff. Keep going.
  18:26:16  24 September 2009
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Senior Resident

On forum: 12/22/2008

Message edited by:
09/24/2009 18:33:05
Messages: 4762
Rob's winded by by the impact, and lands amongst what looks like fresh mummies of other STALKERs. Before he can get up, the sucker uncloaks itself above him, and rears it's ugly blood dripping head and roars, like ten Bloodsuckers were about to eat the same bloke.
Luckily for Rob, the sling on his KS23 hadn't broken from his harness, and he quickly aims it upwards at where the lower jaw of a sucker would be if suckers had lower jaw. He lets loose on it.
The beast stumbles back a bit, but isn't deterred from it's meal. It pounces on Rob and picks him up in all four massive clawed arms, nearly crushing Rob, had it not been for his suit. It saves him twice, as the bloodsucker tries to latch onto his throat, it can't penetrate the mask and neck of the suit.
Because of this, the sucker starts to rip into the suit with its razor sharp claws, breaking pieces off, all the while smashing into Rob's stomach.
In a last ditch effor, feeling about to black out, he takes the Ka-Bar he carried in the Marines out of it's sheath, and slams it with all his might into the base of the suckers skin covered skull.
The mutant drops Rob, and stumbles away roaring with pain. It runs off, oddly, appearently the knife had cut the spinal cord slightly. Rob sits up to watch it run off in the direction of the Old Hospital, he passes out from the fight with the super mutant.
He wakes up several hours later in the Bar, which he has no recollection of walking to. Next to him on the table, lay the remains of one of the emitters, broken in half. He mumbles, "Shiva...Shiva Sucker, too powerful, destroy us all," and passes back out.
When he comes to again, he feels a presence in his mind. He gets up and mumbles, " I'm going to see the controller."
The next thing Rob is concious of, he's sitting in a furniced room, richly clad in expenisve fabrics, and walls covered with books of all languages and ages.
Across from him, is the only "happy" looking controllers he'd ever seen.
"So Rob, are you afraid of me?" asks the controller, not physically saying it aloud, but saying it in ROb's mind.
"No, not at all, where am I?" Rob asks groggily.
"You are in the lab tunnels below Siro's bar, my home," answers the controller.
"You aren't the normal mutant here are you?" inquires Rob.
"Hardly," it replies, as it uncrosses it's legs, and leans foward, elbows on it's knees, "

This will have to wait, until hhiker gets me some info on the controller, I figure she's the best person to go to in search of information.
Enjoy reading this much I've enjoyed writing it, and my writing's genuine, i got a coffee spill on it today
  18:13:46  22 September 2009
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Senior Resident

On forum: 12/22/2008

Message edited by:
09/24/2009 18:15:05
Messages: 4762
Dawn of the Shiva Suckers

Ok, I'm making a story based upon my role play story in the bar thread of the Shiva suckers, people that I'm including is hhiker (Hanna Kuts couldn't find an H last name), Tejas Stalker (Taras Shvets), Vladimir Siro (bet you can guess, Mole(Need a name for him but I'll look up two Ms) and a couple others I can find involved with that little story. I am playing myself as my real name Rob Newbery
So sit back and relax in this ongoing story of

Dawn of the Shiva Suckers

"Jesus, look at the size of that artifact!" exclaimed the masked man.
"Yes brother, this is one of the biggest ones I've seen since coming here," said his companion in Russian.
Gunnery Sergeant Rob Newbery was a man that wasn't easily surprised, having gone through three tours each in Iraq and Afghanistan, and being in the Marine Force Recon as a Designated Marksman. After leaving the Marines, he was hired by the Private Security Sector, and used his skills in marksmanship to rescue distressed ships in the Gulf of Oman off Somalia.
When the Zone formed, his company was hired by the Ukrainians as a protection detail for visiting officials and hit squad. Unfortunately he was assigned the hit squad and deployed to the Dark Valley. Shortly thereafter, after seeing the massive killings of Freedomers, as they called themselves in interrogations, him having to do most of them due to his Russian language skills. Quickly he grew sick of the massacres, and abandoned the mercenaries, as they were called by the other groups in the Zone.
After a month of in Zone time separate from the Company, he dropped his Knights Armament SR-25, and picked up and SVU. Quickly he earned the name Merc Hunter for his ability to stalk groups of Mercenaries and kill them all. He was neutral to all, and he has frequent hiring’s, even from the scum of the zone.
Today, though, was artifact hunting day. So far they were lucky; this area hadn't been picked bare by other S.T.A.L.K.E.R.s. So far Sakharov had been right in his suggestion of the area around Limansk. It was a gold mine, with the detectors beeping so fast, they had to turn it off.
"So, what do we do while walking back to Yantar?" Inquired Taras Shvets, Rob's expedition partner and friend from when Rob had left the Company. Clad in his SEVA Suit, you wouldn't realize how precise a tactician and artifact hunter he was, able to smell an artifact a mile away.
"I don't know, but you know how I am about drinking outside of the safety of a friendly location," replied Rob.
"You clean your weapon recently?" asked Taras.
"Ach, no I haven't, thanks for reminding me," Rob said as he undid the clamp on his scope and opened the gun to inspect the bore of his SVU. "Seems like it’s in decent shape, I'll worry about it when we get home. After we get these artifacts to Sakharov’s," Rob reminded Taras, "and then we need to hit Vladimir Siro's place. Been meaning to talk to Hanna Kuts about the controller.
"What's wrong with it?" Taras asked.
"No idea, he's been acting strange, saying there’s been a disturbing psy force."
"We know what it's from?"
"Not a cl-" Rob trips and falls over something.
"Great, get a boat load of artifacts, fucking get repaid in kind by the Zone for it providing itself to me," Rob curses in English.
Taras wasn't helping Rob up, which he up on instantly. He switched to Russian, "What's up?"
"The sky’s up, you're down, and we got a mine here in the road," Taras said quietly.
Rob slowly gets up and looks at the spot he tripped over and saw a metal disk with what looked like a solar panel, and a blinking light.
"What the hell is it?"
"I don't know, let's bring it with us to Yantar," suggests Taras.
"Yeah, let's," agrees Rob.
The rest of the walk was uneventful, Tejas in his fully enclosed SEVA suit, Rob in his equally high quality SKAT-9X suit, which he got from the Ukrainians for eliminating a rogue Mercenary group.
Finally at Sakharov’s Mobile Lab, they showed the disk thing to Sakharov.
"What do you think it is?" Asked Taras as Rob, a person who dawdled with science when he was younger, as usual got distracted by the lab equipment.
"I don't know what to tell you, it seems to be an emitter of some sort," says Sakharov," I'll take readings on different things, then take it apart and see what's inside," while tapping the shell of the device.
“Thanks and for the helpful hint,” starts Taras, as he tips his back pack over, “Here are the artifacts you said would be where we found them.”
Sakharov laughs gleefully, “I’ve never seen artifacts like these before,” but Taras slaps his outreaching hand.
“First things first Doc,” as the Doctor rubs his hand.
“Yes yes, of course.”
As they left, Rob says to Taras, “I’m going to a stash, I’ll meet you at Siro’s for a Vodka to celebrate and to talk to Hanna.”
“Okay brother, take care and hurry, you know the Zone is most dangerous in the dark,” cautions Taras.
“Yeah yeah I know. See you there.”
It was dark by the time he made it to the outskirts of the village. He creeped through the derelict house till he got to the one with his stast.
Inside, behind a false wall, he had hidden a safe.
He reaches inside it to replace his SVU, freshly cleaned, and takes out his KS23 shotgun.
He hears creaking, and starts sliding flachette shells into his shotgun. While the creaking continued, he spins around ready for the intruder but. . .noone was there.
“Shit, these old house are scaring me now.” Even though he knew full well he wasn’t alone.
He packs up the safe and replaces the false wall, and gets ups to move onto the Bar, when suddenly a roar unlike any he had heard comes from the corner of the room.
A bloodsucker unlike any other he had seen reveals itself in his light. It was around seven to eight feet tall, greenish brown mottled skin, with dark red almost burgundy tentacle, the eyes a dark glowing orange deep in the head, and the hands, so covered in dried blood, they looked black. What struck Rob the most, before it struck him, was the four arms, and the silverish tinge that reflected off it in the light.
Rob's insticts kicked in, and he fired his KS23 before it had moved a step. The thing charges like nothing happened, and the heavy powerful arms smashes into Rob and propels him throug the decaying masonry of the chimney. The sucker cloaks itself before Rob hits the ground.

Until the edit stops working I’m going to keep adding onto this and saving my progress
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