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The darkness awaits them in the zone

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  23:36:58  31 July 2009
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Matti
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On forum: 07/31/2009
Messages: 224
The darkness awaits them in the zone

This is a story about 3 friends from an foster home. They are sick of their lives so they are going into the ZONE.
1.Prequel and introduction:

The three character mentioned in this story are good friends.
Victor is an 17 years old teenager whit tall long hear. His hobby is eating and he is realy afraid of the Zone but considers not to be left alone in the foster home so he decides to come whit his friends to the forbidden place.
Anna is Erik older sister she is 20 years old. Her hobby is hiding from other peoples. She can see incredible good, but she says that she is just more concentrated.
Erik is an weapon fanatic and the younger brother of Anna. He is literally a genius about repairing stuff. He is the one who decided that the zone would be better than the foster home.He is 18 years old.

In a foster home 12 kilometer from the zone.
Victor stand in front of a window and thinks loud:´So tomorrow we go;
´Yes, for the last time!; Says a little angered Anna.
´I hope the damn Military wont find us in there;
´Don't worry about that victor; Smiles Erik
´Easy for you to say you weapon fanatic; replied Victor.
´I don't know about you two but I am going to sleep so I am going to be fit tomorrow; says Anna.
´Yeah good night sister, don't let Victor disturb you while he is snoring;
Victor says angrily´I am not snoring;
´What ever good night; Yawns Anna.

It doesn't take long until everybody fell asleep.

On the next day they wake up all while it is still dark outside.
´Anna are you ready? Do you have everything?;
´Yes Erik I have the food and the raincoats. What about you victor do you have enough food?;
Victor stand inn front of he's backpack filled whit random food articles.
´Yeah I think ill have enough for a day;
´Ok lets go then; says Erik.
They walk around the corner of their room when they suddenly hear a angry teacher behind them ´Where do you think you are going, back too your rooms.
Erik shouts ´You have commanded e too long Nicolay so we are going away from the foster home!
Nicolay takes an giant ruler of the wall and says ´Go back too your room or ill brake your hand;
Anna says ´I suggest we run!!!;
The three starts too run down the hallway whit the teacher following them.
´The door is only 10 meter up ahead we are going to make it;
´I hope you are right; Gasps Anna.
Erik opens the door and the tree are running further while Nicolay is shouting´When ill get my hands on you!!!!!;
The teacher stops exhausted.
When they are far enough from the foster home they stop running.
´Yes, Zone here we come!! Says Anna.

Chapter one. Passing the fence

The three are continuing their path to the zone.
´Erik, do you think wee are enough prepared for the Zone?;
´Well I don't know about you but look what I have got for us; He opens he's backpack and presents three pistols.
Where the hell did you get those??; Asks Anna
´Lets say I know a guy, so here everybody should take one because I have heard that the zone is were dangerous.
He gives a pistol to Anna and one to victor.
´I think wee need ammunition;
´Don't worry I have six mags so two for you and two for Anna;
Anna puts her pistol into her pocked, while victor and Erik are carrying them in their hands.They are leaving the city limits and are continuing to a Forrest that separates the city from the fence.
They arrive to the Frontiers of the zone.
´I can see the fence; whispers Anna
´Good, what about you victor do you see any soldiers?;
´No;
´ What are we waiting then lets go;
They proceed too the fence when they hear a jeep in the distance.
´quick Anna jump over the fence we will follow you;
´I hate soldiers; whines victor
Anna jups over the fence, and hid behind a tree. They did the same thing.
When the jeep finally passed by they realized they are now officially STALKERS.

This is the first part of the first chapter Please comment and give me tips or ideas how I should continue
  01:17:49  1 August 2009
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Danlo
The Lazy Writer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/21/2008
Messages: 5198
My only question is why are 17-20 year olds in a foster home - especially as one of them is 20 and live on their own and her brother is 18 - only fault so far.

Matti can I assume English isn't your first langauge?

Promising I'd actually like to read more.

Why do you assume the fence is so low - I always assumed at least 7 feet high, and electrified. Or os that just me.

Sorry I know you probably didn't want crititism straight off - I'm guessing your first real story in english - its not bad for that - keep going please.
  01:34:41  1 August 2009
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Matti
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On forum: 07/31/2009
Messages: 224

---QUOTATION---
My only question is why are 17-20 year olds in a foster home - especially as one of them is 20 and live on their own and her brother is 18 - only fault so far.

Matti can I assume English isn't your first langauge?

Promising I'd actually like to read more.

Why do you assume the fence is so low - I always assumed at least 7 feet high, and electrified. Or os that just me.

Sorry I know you probably didn't want crititism straight off - I'm guessing your first real story in english - its not bad for that - keep going please.
---END QUOTATION---



Ok you are right my first language is Slovenian and German.
The brother just didn't go from the foster home jet.
I have read about Chernobyl and the fences were only about half man sized and half broken. I wanted to make it easier, and this is only the outer fence. Like 700 meters away is a bigger fence...
  01:41:46  1 August 2009
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Danlo
The Lazy Writer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/21/2008
Messages: 5198
I get you - ok - writing is quite a strange thing to do - especially fantasy sci-fi like Stalker - you have to blend reality with fiction created by someone else.

An outer fence is something I never considered and is something that probably would be constructed first - before the big fence making sure no one can get in (yeah right).

Easier isn't always more realistic - sometimes making things more difficult for the main characters can lead to some interesting ideas, or writing. If you get what I mean.

If not - please e-mail me and I'll be happy to chat to you about this or anything else especially if this is the first thing you've decided to write.
  15:21:05  1 August 2009
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Matti
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 07/31/2009
 

Message edited by:
Matti
08/01/2009 20:16:54
Messages: 224
CHapter 1 part 2

they looked at their surroundings, they were in a forest that looked normal whit no clue that they are in the zone.
´This is it?;
´Yes Erik what did you expect some mutants and some zombies attacking you, man get real there is not such things!!;
´I hope you are right Victor; whispers Anna.
They walk trough the forest, that is slowly ending.
´Anna is this a another fence there?!;
´It appears that THIs is the real fence!!; Whines Victor.
´Shhh I think I can hear soldiers talking; whispers Anna.
50 meter away from them was a group of soldiers patrolling along the asphalted road.
´What now ?; asked Anna
´Lets wait until they can't see us´
The soldiers were slowly moving along the road.After a while the they couldn't see them.
´come on we have to be quick!;
They ran tovards the fence.
´Anna I hope you have the rope.;
´Yes Erik;
´Good victor grab the stone over there and give it Anna so she can tie it up together;
´On it!;
He quickly grabbed the stone and gave it to Anna.
´Victor take the rope and throw it over the fence!;
´Why always me!!!;
He throws the rope over the fence and tests it that it is surly safe
´Victor you go first;
He quickly climbs over the fence and shouts ´OK next please!!;
Anna climbed the fence and sad ´Erik now or newer!!;
Erik starts climbing the fence when he suddenly hears a soldier shouting ´You there stop or IL shoot!!;
Erik stopped on the top of the fence, and the soldier chocked up his rifle.
´Erik jump; shouted Ana and victor
He jumped over the fence just before the soldier fired a couple of rounds.The group rune into the cover of the forest

What will they see what will happen find out in the next chapter. FIRST encounter
  21:45:25  1 August 2009
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Matti
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 07/31/2009
 

Message edited by:
Matti
08/01/2009 22:55:20
Messages: 224
Chapter 2 FIRST ENCOUNTER

PLEASE NOTICE MY ENGLISH IN NOT SO GOOD

After a while of walking thej stropped on the outskirts of the forest. In front of them was a land of radioactivity and lowness.
´Lets rest a little bit and discuss What are we going to do now that we are in the zone!; sad Victor.
´whel I want to start a new life, a life of freedom and adventure, I have heard that scientist are paying good money for artifacts and not far from here is a village known as the rookie village;
´So we came here to get money and adventure?; Asked Anna
´Well I hope there aren't any more fences because I am tired of climbing and hiding from the military, by the way we could eat something isn't that right Erik;
´Yes Victor but lets check now what we have got in our backpack;
The three quickly empty their backpacks on the ground.
´I have food for three days mostly cans, and I have a small tent. What about you sister?;
´I have mostly the same things but I Had a rope and I have a axe.;
´Ok and I have Candy, cans of food, a tinderbox and a army knife.;
´You had to bring candy right?;
´Yes Anna, you know how I like sweets, but now I will just open myself a can of meat;
The group eats and it is slowly getting dark. Erik is building up his tent so they could sleep here, when hey hear a distant howl.
´What was that?; fearfully asked victor.
´Relax are you now afraid of a couple of wolves when we have our pistols;
´Erik I don't think this was an ordinary dog, it had a more wilder tone than the ones we hear on the television;
The howling gets closer and from a another ide there is suddenly a answer to the howling.
´Man this place gives me the creep do you think that he story of mutations are true?; asks victor
´As I sad GET real there are no such things as ...;
Erik stops because Anna and victor became pale, he slowly turned around and saw a dog, that had no eyes and it was really big for his kind. Before he could react the dog started to run tovards them. Just before it could grab Erik a shot was herd and the dog fell to the ground dead.
´Are you nuts? Being outside at this hour is suicidal unless you have a group of experienced Stalkers whit you!;
Erik asked `Who are you?;
`there is no time to talk we have to get to the rookie camp I saw a horde of blindies coming this way, at least 30 dogs;
´How do we know that we can trust you?; asked Anna
`Hej did I save your friend over there or not, but if you want to die stay here I am going to the village;
´I don't know guys, but we don't have a choice!; sad Erik.
They took everything they could in two minutes and followed the stalker. The howling was getting closer and closer.
´Only 200 meter away we are going to make it!;
They ran into the village. As they came to the center a Nother Man shouted ´Vasily where have you been and what did you bring whit you?;
The usual menu a couple of new guys and a horde of blindies!;
´What you have brought some mutants following you again?Wasn't the last ime enough when you were accidental followed by five boars?;
´Well sorry today its about 30 blindies!;
´Guys did you hear Vasily, we finally get something to shoot again!;
The response was Swearing and moaning. The howling was getting closer again.
´Hej newborns do you know how to shoot and do you have a weapon?;
´Erik I think he means us!;
`SHut up victor, And yes we have pistols and about two mags;
`Ok then lets defend camp then, Rubber take your man to the front, Spray you take your man to the rear, The rest of us is waiting in the middle, understood?;
The answer was clearly: Understood.
Anna, Victor, Erik vasily and the leader of the stalkers were waiting until the action started. First it was very quiet but suddenly the first couple of shots were fired, the sound of dieing man and dieing dogs filled the air. A dog passed the guards at the rear an jumped on Anna, Victor reacted fast and killed the dog whit three shots in the head. As the attack started fast so ended it. It was quiet again and Erik started asking questions.
`What were this things?;
The stalker leader answered slowly
´They were just dogs, and may I ask your names before we continue chatting?;
`Erik and this is victor and Anna;
`Everybody in camp knows me under the name smiley because I do laugh a lot hehe..,
`Where can we rest?;
`Tired already? Smiled smiley
`where ever you like;
The Group went into a small house by the center of the village, they all fell asleep very quickly.
Manville the other stalkers were cleaning the mess
  17:58:26  2 August 2009
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Matti
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On forum: 07/31/2009
Messages: 224
Chapter 3 first Job

MY ENGLISH IS BADDDDDD

Erik was awake first. He went to the center of the village where some stalkers where sitting and talking. Smiley noticed that and called
´Hey come over here stalker lets have a chat;
´So I suppose this isn't the only kind of mutation here?;
´Man what is whit you did you hid under some kind of rock or something there are loads of monsters in the zone, what did you expect in this irradiated place?;
´Well I tough I would make money by getting artifacts;
Smiley started to smile.
Manville Anna and Victor woke up. Victor looks dioriented and thinks loud.
`No it wasn't just a fucking dream we are really in the zone!;
`Victor why do you always have to whine? Besides where is Erik?;
`Don't ask me but I thick I can hear him talking down there where that thing jumped at you last night!;
`Please don't remind me and thanks I was so tired yesterday that I had forgotten to thank you;
`No problem, ill go see Erik wanna join?
`Shure!;
They went outside to the center where they saw Erik smiling whit smiley.
´Erik you are a fine man, but now I have to ask you did you heard the whooshing sounds last night?;
`Yes but I don't know what it is;
Anna and Victor listens quietly to the conversation.
´Well Erik you ave much to learn before you can go accept you first mission by our trader Sidorovich, i assume you friends are coming whit us to the first lesson in the zone?;
Anna Answers quickly
`Yes why not!;
Victor looks depressed.
`Victor what is it ?; asks Erik
`I am like ten minute awake and we are going to get a lesson of the zone, BUT WHERE IS BREAKFAST?;
SMiley starts to laugh so hard that he has to hold his stomach with his arm.
`What do you want to eat Victor?;
`I don't know what do you got?;
Smiley hand him over a dish of meat soup, he takes it and tries it.
`Man this stuff is really good what kind of meat is it?;
`Blind Dog;
As soon Victor hears that he is eating mutated meat he spits out the remaining in his mouth, while complaining.
`Why is it always me? And suddenly I am not hungry anymore;
Every stalker that heard that sentence started to laugh, including Anna and Erik.
Later that day Smiley took them to a LESSON what could kill you in the zone.
´Here we are!; sad smiley
´What is this over there ?; Asked Anna.
Smiley just smiled picked up a bolt and hrev it to a specific place. The bolt literally exploded.
´That my friends is a anomaly, and a most common in the zone;
Victor though what would happen if someone accidental stood on one of such things.After the anomaly they returned back to camp.
`Now you should visit Sidorovich, our trader its just outside the village!;
They went to the bunker.
´I hope he has some weapons!;
´I hope he has some food!;
` And I hope you two just shod up!;
They followed the stairway into the bunker where they saw a big metallic dor.Victor opened the door. Behind the door there was a man sitting and typing on his computer, as he noticed that he has some wisitors he sad.
`Welcome to my trading office, what do you need?;
`Well first we would need some Money!; Sad Anna
`WHAT, you don't even have money, how are you supposed to survive you don't have protection, detectors and I assume you don't have a weapon?
All showed their weapons.
´Well at least one thing you have got! I see you have come to me to get a job isn't that right?;
`Yes!; sad Erik.
`Good then I have a job for you then, There is a crate full of Medkits and bandages over by outpost 12. If you could bring me that Crate I would give you... Lets see... 1000 rubles.
´Well I think we don't have a choice what do you think guys?;
`Erik as your sister I will always follow you!;
`And I am your friend, so why thel not startn making money huh?;
`Ok Sidorovich we accept the job; Sad Erik
`Great hand me over you PDA so I can give you the coordinates;
`PDA; asked Anna.
`You don't even have PDA, what Stalker are you, but lets make a deal I will give you 400 rubles and you will get all a PDA, Agreed?;
´What is that Pda thing?;
`Well Erik, a PDA is a personal communicator whit map of the zone, beside that I will always see what you do and where you are, and I will know how you died! It is the most important device in the whole zone besides your weapon!;
`Ok then give us the PDA and we will go OK?;
Sidorovich quickly hands them 3 PDA, they take them and leave the bunker.
  19:41:42  2 August 2009
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Strelok22
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On forum: 07/10/2009
Messages: 667
More More More More More....
  10:54:11  4 August 2009
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Matti
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 07/31/2009
Messages: 224
Mini chapter A ARTEFACT

They all looked at the new device they got. It looked like a phone, but whit solar battery charger and a big screen constantly showing the map.
Did you get a job?;Asked smiley.
`Yes we did!; Answered Erik
`We have to get a crate of good located near outpost 12;Sad victor
´How much will the bastard pay you?;
`Well he gave us some PDA and for the delivery he will pay us 400 rubles; Replied Anna.
`Hej could I go whit you, I would like to show you the surrounding a little more!;
`Why not; sad the whole group almost at once.
´Is this outpost far away from here?;
`No only a couple of meters!;
´Then we should go; sad Erik.
They went trough the village to an safety road. When they were on it Smiley coked up his rifle and sad:
`We have to proceed whit caution; because the military is waching the road and some anomaly are near by;
As he sad that they heard a pig scream, before their eyes a boar was lifted into air and exploded to peaces, the blood filed the air and some chunks of meat were flying into all directions.
`This my friends is a whirligig anomaly, as you see it is were.. He MESSY!; Sad Smiley.
Suddenly they saw a flashing object in front of them.
`What is that?; Asked Victor
`You lucky bastards this is a artifact! I will take it and we will split the money when wee will come back from the job.
They continued their way trough some bushes.Smiley took he binoculars and scanned the surrounding.
´I can see it, and it is quite away from the outpost so we can take it without a problem;
As they came to the crate they heard a chopper.
`Take the crate Victor!; Shouted Erik.
`On it!!;
He took the crate and they ran to cover.

THIS IS A SMALL CHAPTER BECAUSE THE NEXT WILL BE EXTREMELY LONG
  22:36:40  7 August 2009
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Matti
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On forum: 07/31/2009
Messages: 224
The Spetsnats

Sorry couldnt make it longer, and my english is BADDDDDDD

The chopper flew right over them. It stopped in the air a couple of meter behind them.
`Shit the spetsnats is on a mission, and I am afraid they will try to capture some of our outposts, we have to warn ewerybudy!;Sad smiley.
Victor wanted to complain but they started to run before he could open he's mouth. They ran to the rookie camp.As they entered the camp smiley started to shout:
`Speznats! They are coming this way, and I think they will attack the outpost by the bridge, we need men to defend the aera who will come?;
As the stalkers heard that the spetznats is headed this way some started to panic and some ran into the houses to hide. Only two came to help, Vasily and a tall man whit a beard.
´Thanks Vasiliy that you will help me, and I sea that you have brought our town sniper whit you?;
`Yes, you know how he hate the army; SMiled Vasily.
Smiley turned to Erik.
`Erik could I ask you to help, maybe we can withstand the attack, but it is risky!;
`Id love to but I have only a pistol, and I don't think my friends want to go to danger;
As Anna heard that he would go alone she sad:
`Maybe I am not a shooter but I can see really good and I could assist the sniper whit binoculars;
`Where Erik goes, I go! Sad Victor.
`Good then, I will give you standard ak74,they are wery effective, and I think it will double your chances to survive!
`Thanks smiley, Just tell us orders and we will follow them; Sad Erik.
The group of six stalkers went to a half collapsed bridge. As they came near they could hear gun shots.
`We have to hurry up I think they are already there!
They ran towards the bridge they saw that they were already too late.
`Shit those were fine stalkers there, but we can help them now, and wee still need to complete the job that have dave you sidorovich;
They went back to the rookie village, that had settled down a little bit.
`Smiley im sorry for your friends ; sad Erik.
`Whel that was my group to push forward to get to the bar but now I don't have companions and I diffidently need company if I want to go there;
`A bar where they are serving food?; Asked victor.
`Yes there is a better trader than sidorovich and they pay better for jobs, but since I don't have a group...;
`Wait we can go whit you; sad Erik.
`Really, you would do that?; Asked Smiley.
`Well if my friends agree!;
`I want to eat something warm so I am diffidently going that way.; Sad Victor.
`And I am your sister, so I have to;
`Ok then Smiley we will go, tell us when;
`We will go tomorrow morning and the asks that I gave you, They belong now to you, and before I forget the artifact;
He gave the artifact Erik.
`It is at least worth 3000 rubles so it would be enough for some medkits and gasmasks;
`What about you; Sad Anna.
`Me I don't need equipment, because I already have it. The only thing I want is a Bottle of wodka OK, and say to sid hello!
As he sad that he left the group and went to a house.
Anna, Erik and victor went whit the carte to Sidorovich, he looked at them and sad.
`Where the hack have you been? Man even I would be faster, but OK give me the crate and I will pay you.
Victor gave him the crate and Sidorovich gave him 1200 rubles.
`So now that you have money what do you want to buy?;
`Well I have heard that you have Geiger counters and anomaly detectors, so we want three of those; Sad Erik.
`For you I will make it cheaper so give me 1200 rubles, he..He;
Erik gives him the money and takes the detectors.
`we need three gasmasks some medkits and a bottle of vodka; Sad victor.
Sidorovich started to laugh.
`I am sure you can't afford that;
`How much does it cost?; Asked Anna.
`Whel three gasmasks, a couple of bandages and a bottle of wodka, Its far more than you poses;
`just give me the things and I will give you this!; He takes the artifact from his backpack and hands it over to Sidorovich.
`Where the hell did you get this? It doesn't mater here is your stuff. And goodbye I have to make some calls so I can sell this Artifact to some scientists he.. He... He...
The group went outside the bunker. It was getting late again so they went to the campfire in the center of the rookie village. Erik saw smiley and gave him the bottle of wodka.$
`Thnx for the wodka, go and get your beauty sleep tomorrow we are going to leave.

What will happen, will they ariwe in one piece find it out in the next chapter: A long shortcut.
 
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