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The Canadian

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Question Good or not?
Pretty good
somewhat poor
Posted by/on
Question/AnswerMake Newest Up Sort by Descending
  04:55:26  1 June 2010
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On forum: 05/21/2010

Message edited by:
06/01/2010 5:01:09
Messages: 40
The Canadian

Hi out there, there is the first part of my story. It's based three years after Call of Prypiat. Sorry if there is many mistakes I'm a frenchy but I'll be glad to recieve feedback about my errors to fix-em-up. Enjoy!



“Mark, get out of bed and go eat breakfast before it cool down!” Mom yelled.

I sat on my bed, exhausted by everything in my life. My parents were douches, always

wanting me to be the pretty little know-it-all boy they always wanted, but unfortunately

they only got a strange guy that prefer sleeping in the wood with almost nothing than

having millions and live in luxury. My brother was almost the same as me, except that

he was 19 years old and liked as munch mechanics than I was in the army stuff. I

always loved firearms: from the old OTs-33 automatic handgun to the anti-material

Barrett .50 rifle. I knew how to repair almost every of them, and even made one. It was

rather a .22 zip gun but was a full length sniper that cost me thirteen bucks and could hit

a target at 400 yards. Aside of living in the wild and using weapons, I didn’t give a shit. I

was bad in mechanics, math, school, life, driving and everything else. I had seen

reportages about the zone and since my parents had moved from Canada to Kiev in

order to work at his newly assigned job in a big alimentation firm it was really tempting.

He was making millions, but he was still dumb as shit. I learned Ukrainian very well, and

this was making me dream even more about the zone. There were some gangs around

the school that was recruiting people to go there, but most of them were caught before

even entering it. I had almost everything I would need: a machete, a homemade Kevlar

suit that could actually protect a working GP-5 gas mask with reinforced lens that I used

for playing paintball, my paintball stuff and a Geiger counter I secretly brought from an

old man in a garage sale. I packed my stuff in my backpack with non-perishable food

and provisions of water and left it in my closet. Mom would not wait ten minutes before

going up. I left the room and headed downstairs. She was waiting with a bad smile

telling me that something was coming.

“My dear, you know that I find it strange that you stay closed in your room for hours in

face of your stuff you use for playing that thing you call paintball? I’m starting to think

you hate people that love you.” She said while I ate my toasts. What the hell does she

think? That purchasing everything I want and then leaving me alone every time is love?

I was happy that I was going off where I always wanted in my car. I was 18, and she

never had any decision to make me go back. She looked at me trying to find what I was

thinking, but already knew what I would say.

“I’m going to a paintball event that will last all the weekend. I should be back in three

days.” I coldly snapped before she could say anything. She sighted, as always, and went

outside. I was left alone again, but it would be the last time.
  05:01:52  1 June 2010
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Senior Resident

On forum: 03/12/2010
Messages: 787
Sounds very interesting.

I can only assume something bad will happen.

Like he forgot to pack some toast.

Added to my bookmarks, can't wait for some more of it, you left it on quite a cliffhanger
  05:03:32  1 June 2010
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Teh Soul Eater
I didn't do it.


On forum: 03/21/2010
Messages: 1667
OH NOES! Not the toast! Sounds pretty good other than you forgot a period or two and a few sentences need revising.
  05:13:40  1 June 2010
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On forum: 05/21/2010

Message edited by:
06/01/2010 5:14:00
Messages: 40
Wow. only half an hour and aleardy feedback . Next part should be out in three days. I aleardy made it but I'm revisiting it.
  07:29:29  1 June 2010
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Senior Resident

On forum: 10/28/2009

Message edited by:
06/01/2010 10:48:00
Messages: 429
Really good start
  10:46:36  1 June 2010
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On forum: 12/12/2009
Messages: 76
This is epic
I want to know more....
  12:08:55  1 June 2010
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Senior Resident

On forum: 01/15/2010
Messages: 3940
  18:04:08  1 June 2010
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Lone Merc looking for a job.


On forum: 06/05/2009
Messages: 1796
Interesting. I like weapons too, in real life.
  19:18:56  1 June 2010
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On forum: 05/21/2010
Messages: 40
Thanks for feedback!

as I see the story aleardy have a bunch of readers, I will post the second part today in 5 hours. And maybe the 3rd part too, but then the 4th part would be later.
  00:03:03  2 June 2010
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On forum: 05/21/2010
Messages: 40
The Runaway

I heard the engine of her car start and fade away. I ran upstairs, took

my camo suit, spare clothes that I dyed olive drab and other useful

items I would surely need for fixing my gears: spare batteries of all

kind, wire cutter, ratchet and screwdrivers. I took my bank card, telling

myself that all the money that I had kept would be very useful out there

and putted it in my large hard leather wallet. Then came the gun. I stole

it from my dad room since he disliked me having a zip gun in my room.

I had made ten of them, and I would take them all. I unscrewed each

barrels and buttstock and stacked them properly with my ammo. .22

calibers were cheap and effective ammo at long range so I had a bunch

off 50 rounds boxes right in my pack. I took my paintball pistol too:

never know if you have to put someone down without killing him. I took

my little gas canisters and illegal rubber rounds and stuck them in mags

ready to fire. I stepped out of my room when I got a strange feeling.

Was I doing something really stupid? When I would be in there would be

no one to tell my parents where I am. Thinking about it, I left a note

saying that I was back in Canada because it was my real homeland. It

was pretty truthful since I missed the green hills and sound full forests

of my childhood, but this was past. Now the future was somewhere

around 140km next to Kiev, Chernobyl. I went in the car, hid my stuff

under the passenger seat and went by.

It was going be a long ride.
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