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[WIP] S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Star Demyan

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  23:10:22  15 March 2010
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Strelok08
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 03/12/2010
 

Message edited by:
Strelok08
03/15/2010 23:11:15
Messages: 787
Here is another teaser, letting on a tad more of what leads up to the main story's events. Contains a small bit a language.

The beginning sentence is meant to leave you wondering what he was saying before.

"He is an informant for Sidorovich," Garik replied.

"Sidorovich...?" I said, slowly. A night of Vodka can start things, and then dampin the idea.

"Demyan, he's the damn trader here, man! Christ..." Oleg said annoyed - drunkards are hard to deal with, when trying to get a point across.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah..." I said, still slack-jawed.

"You two are obviously a little - ahem - 'underpreped' for this tonight... It is, after all, 3 AM," Garik said.

"A stalker's job is never finished!" Oleg said, then drinking the last drop of his Cossacks Vodka.

"And, nor is, is a bottle of, of vodk--" I slurred myself to sleep, with Oleg following my footsteps soon after.


Hope that the story turns out to be interesting; I plan on making it fanon to the series, but in a way you may not guess...
-David The Novice
  01:37:15  16 March 2010
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HoboRebellion
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/07/2008
 

Message edited by:
HoboRebellion
03/16/2010 1:38:39
Messages: 53

---QUOTATION---
Here is another teaser, letting on a tad more of what leads up to the main story's events. Contains a small bit a language.

The beginning sentence is meant to leave you wondering what he was saying before.

"He is an informant for Sidorovich," Garik replied.

"Sidorovich...?" I said, slowly. A night of Vodka can start things, and then dampin the idea.

"Demyan, he's the damn trader here, man! Christ..." Oleg said annoyed - drunkards are hard to deal with, when trying to get a point across.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah..." I said, still slack-jawed.

"You two are obviously a little - ahem - 'underpreped' for this tonight... It is, after all, 3 AM," Garik said.

"A stalker's job is never finished!" Oleg said, then drinking the last drop of his Cossacks Vodka.

"And, nor is, is a bottle of, of vodk--" I slurred myself to sleep, with Oleg following my footsteps soon after.


Hope that the story turns out to be interesting; I plan on making it fanon to the series, but in a way you may not guess...
-David The Novice
---END QUOTATION---



Not trying to pick apart the story, as it looks like it could be very interesting. The only thing I really noticed is the overuse of 'said'. Make sure you the verb a little bit. Reading said over and over can get monotonous.
  02:39:31  16 March 2010
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Danlo
The Lazy Writer
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On forum: 10/21/2008
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you've never read Cormac McCarthy then?
  03:19:22  16 March 2010
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Strelok08
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On forum: 03/12/2010
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Yep, I used it a tad too much

As a teaser, it is not fully polished; but I will, of course, read every chapter twice to make sure of no things such as that
-David The Novice
  04:42:56  16 March 2010
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HoboRebellion
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/07/2008
Messages: 53

---QUOTATION---
you've never read Cormac McCarthy then?
---END QUOTATION---



Ironically, he is one of my favorite authors.

The difference is, McCarthy takes a extremely different spin on dialogue as a whole. It's hard to compare anyone's work to his.
  13:41:57  16 March 2010
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Danlo
The Lazy Writer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/21/2008
Messages: 5198

---QUOTATION---
you've never read Cormac McCarthy then?

Ironically, he is one of my favorite authors.

The difference is, McCarthy takes a extremely different spin on dialogue as a whole. It's hard to compare anyone's work to his.
---END QUOTATION---



true but he does use SAID a lot - as a writer myself it sometimes gets a bit grating
  21:44:54  16 March 2010
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Strelok08
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 03/12/2010
Messages: 787

---QUOTATION---
true but he does use SAID a lot - as a writer myself it sometimes gets a bit grating
---END QUOTATION---



Yes, it does.
 
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