ProjectsWhat's NewDownloadsCommunitySupportCompany
Forum Index » S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl Forum » Stalker stories
"Otter"

1 2 | Next 10 events »| All Messages
Posted by/on
Question/AnswerMake Newest Up Sort by Descending
  02:05:17  12 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
 

Message edited by:
EnragedOtter
12/12/2009 2:06:56
Messages: 76
"Otter"

Hello, Im new to the community, but Ive been reading all the stories here so far and i love them. So I decided to have a crack at creating my own tale.

NOTE: This is only the beginning and I know its short, I just want to see what you think before I continue, so please leave some constructive criticism


Prologue

The man who was standing at the Bar talking to the Barman in a low tone was dressed in your average stalker suit, well average and yet not average with one sleeve looking as though it had been sitting in a fruit punch anomaly for a few days. On the other sleeve the badge of one of the now dead factions was visible, probably Clear Sky but it was so faded you couldn't really tell. He didn't look threatening or all that interesting for that matter except for his very distinctive Roman nose and the old but well kept looking AKS-74 with the GP-30 attachment that looked like it had seen better days.

Yet somehow he was the topic of much debate among the Bar's patrons that night or even more interestingly across the whole Duty base mainly down to the fact that the Barman, Petrenko and Voronin seemed to know him. He would seem oddly detached from the world whenever another stalker would try talking to him and there was the matter of where he was from, many rumours were flying around that he was Ex-Clear Sky, that would explain the suit maybe, or even an ex-Monolith but that wouldn't make much sense. The only other rumour about his origins was that he was a very well respected ex-Duty-er because of his friendliness toward the other Duty members. No, this guy was definitely more loner material than a faction dweller.

He had been found by a Duty patrol about five days ago, almost dying from thirst and hunger and looking like a bag of bones, taking shelter in an attic of a building in the Army Warehouse area. The Duty command had heard a few loners saying that they kept getting a PDA signal from the cluster of buildings but were unable to find the source because of the many bloodsuckers. All they had to go by was his Stalker Name “Otter”, Dmitri “Otter”. Yet another mystery about the man and why he was of so much interest to Duty.
  03:47:26  12 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
snorkbait
Nexus 6
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081
EnragedOtter: Welcome...and good for you, deciding to have a go at writing your own Stalker story.

IMO, you've got an interesting start there. I want to know more about the character, so I hope you keep it up.
What I would say, though, is to be more clear and confident in your narrative. I don't know if you're new to writing or if you already write, but are new to Stalker fic, but for me there was a lot of 'It was this...no wait, it wasn't quite that, I don't mean that' sounding stuff. If that's just the way the narrator is and it's a stylistic choice...cool. If not, it undermines the story and gets in the way of an interesting opening. It's like you're asking if it's OK for it to be this way or that, groping for meaning.

That's not meant to be as negative as it probably appears, so I hope you take it the right way. It caught my attention (not always easy) and I'm looking forward to reading more, so keep it up.
  12:11:43  12 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
Messages: 76

---QUOTATION---
EnragedOtter: Welcome...and good for you, deciding to have a go at writing your own Stalker story.

IMO, you've got an interesting start there. I want to know more about the character, so I hope you keep it up.
What I would say, though, is to be more clear and confident in your narrative. I don't know if you're new to writing or if you already write, but are new to Stalker fic, but for me there was a lot of 'It was this...no wait, it wasn't quite that, I don't mean that' sounding stuff. If that's just the way the narrator is and it's a stylistic choice...cool. If not, it undermines the story and gets in the way of an interesting opening. It's like you're asking if it's OK for it to be this way or that, groping for meaning.

That's not meant to be as negative as it probably appears, so I hope you take it the right way. It caught my attention (not always easy) and I'm looking forward to reading more, so keep it up.
---END QUOTATION---



Thank you, I will take this into consideration.

The rest of the Prologue and I hope maybe a chapter will be up today.
  14:29:55  12 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
Messages: 76
Prologue Cont.

Here is the the rest of the prologue: in which we learn more ofthe mystery.

Note: This story is separate from the story in the games however you may in future see reference to some of our old friends


On this particular night the other Patrons of the Bar were very quiet as though trying to hear every word of conversation between the Barman and this mysterious character.

“Have you got it then?” the Barman was saying in a very determined manner.

It seemed that the mysterious stalker was very out of it because it took him a good five minutes before he came up with a coherent answer. The rest had been nonsense.

“...I found the way, I mean I found the stash but it wasn't there” said Dmitri “Otter”, this seemed to cause some indignation on the Barman's face as he thumped the bar top with his fist.

“What do you mean it wasn't there? And what do you mean by “I found the way”?” again the barman thumped the counter causing some of the rookies to jump and one of the stalkers who had been sleeping off his drunken state to wake up.

'Otter' just stood there staring vacantly into the middle distance, it took three slaps from the Barman and a shot of neat vodka to bring him back to his senses. He proceeded to spew some garbled sentences but one phrase definitely caught the Barman's attention.

“I think you know why it wasn't there or in the stash at Limansk” at this point the Barman looked up, he looked pale as though he'd seen a bloodsucker.

“Attention all customers, the bar is now closed for business for tonight, if you would kindly all leave except for the two Duty officers” announced the Barman with a shake in his voice, he beckoned to one of the Duty officers as the other stalkers filtered out, complaining as they went.

“You sir hurry over to the Duty HQ and get Voronin and Petrenko, hell get all of Duty in here now its urgent.” the Barman was staring at Dmitri trying to fathom what he had just said.

All this seemed to have caused a spark of life to appear in “Otters” face and he had moved to a stool and was now sitting on it, he was looking more healthy maybe it had been the vodka.. A siren was going off across the Duty base, the Barman was looking up at the ceiling of the Bar and muttering to himself.

“Third time today, if this has anything to do with you “Otter” then you can expect an outrage from Duty”

Ten minutes later Voronin and Petrenko walked in. Petrenko gave “Otter” a particularly sour look and sat two stools away, Voronin walked up to him and gave the stalker a scrutinizing look before sitting. None spoke, they just sat there looking at each other until Petrenko coughed.

“Well? What do you have to say? Come on Dmitri, we hired and sent you out there because you are the best at what you do and you fucking return without a single piece of information” growled Petrenko.

“Oh I have... information” replied Dmitri looking as though he was going to continue so there was another silence.

“And what information is that?” asked Voronin when nothing came.

Before “Otter” could say a thing Petrenko cut in “You realise this could cause a mutiny in Duty ranks and probably have knock on effects in Freedom, without this information we are screwed”

“Screwed in the sense that we'd have every fucking piece of scum in the zone descending on us” interjected Voronin “but that's not important right this very second, what's important is we get that information”

This time “Otter” looked up with a slightly wicked grin on his face he replied cryptically “Well, they are ready, more ready than you think”

“Who are?” interrupted Petrenko.

Dmitri “Otter” just sat looking at him, he was lost, he had no idea who to turn to. He lifted, with great difficulty, his Bergan off his shoulders and set it on the floor next to him, pulled it open and rummaged around inside. Pulled out a USB stick and handed it to Voronin.

“The information I have is all on there, it would take me days to explain it all, but I need to get back on the road” at this point he looked up at the Barman “I would be needing some new equipment however specifically a suit and a silencer” the Barman shook his head and disappeared behind the bar.

Twenty minutes later he was ready, newly upgraded stalker suit, a silencer and new GP-30 attachment on his rifle and a new pistol. But Voronin wanted to know more, they were still deciphering the pen drive clearly. He had to get back on the trail before it went cold.

Limansk was beckoning again.
  17:29:29  12 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
 

Message edited by:
EnragedOtter
12/12/2009 17:38:41
Messages: 76
Chapter I (p1/2)

Here is part one of chapter one (which will be a 2 parter because I scrapped half of it). This will be all for today. Another thing to mention is that it is mostly going to be based round an idea that Ive had knocking around my head. But I'll elaborate on that later,

Note: Again please give some criticism (preferably constructive) and also please note that I haven't written a story for a while


Dmitri “Otter” was alone again walking up the road toward the “Bloodsucker Village” as the other loners liked to call it. He had sneaked out of the Duty base after eating quite bit of food having not wanted to stick around to face the wrath of Voronin and Petrenko when they found out whatever it was that was on that Pen Drive. He stopped for a moment and sat under a tree just before a bridge to check his equipment once more, being a fastidious type he went through every thing ticking off the equipment he had on his PDA. He was 20 rounds of 5.45x39mm ammo short of his preferred amount.

Putting everything back and standing up and quickly stretched and shook his legs. While pulling his bergan back onto his back, he heard a noise. Instinct told him to ready his rifle so carefully he placed the Bergan back down and picked up his rifle, and put his back to the tree, he reach carefully for his PDA and checked the Contacts List for any sign and relaxed a little. It was Vassily “Shark Nose” one of the very few stalkers that Dmitri had any trust in. Carefully picking up his bergan and putting it back on he cautiously stepped out and back onto the road, no sign of Vassily anywhere. Dmitri cautiously approached the nearby bridge and peered round the corner of the tunnel, nothing there either.

Dmitri sighed, thinking to himself “'Shark Nose' you sneaky fucker” and walked back up the bank of the gully and spotted Vassily about twenty meters away crouching and pointing his SVD at a nearby bush. Slowly approaching him Dmitri made eye contact and Vassily signalled for Dmitri to stop, go prone and crawl. Dmitri then saw why, a cluster of Bloodsuckers were right there, apparently asleep. A rare sight but one of the most terrifying things to get past.

“Hello Brother “Otter”” whispered Vassily “Tricky little situation we've got here, follow me” and Vassily crept onwards pausing every now and then to check they hadn't woken up any of them.

Soon they were past them and had reached a small cluster of buildings, also know as the Duty farmstead. A fire was burning in one of the houses with a ladder leading to the attic so they aimed for that. Warmth is what “Otter” needed.

“So, “Otter” long time no see eh?” said Vassily “How are you holding up? Judging by that expression not so well?”

“Otter” placed a hand on his old friend's shoulder and told him “I been doing fine, just fine” he could feel his brain drifting off again, as long as he didn't tell “Shark Nose” the full truth the better chance of this mess getting sorted out.

He would have to tell him eventually however.
  00:49:05  15 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Reyttm4
(Novice)
 
On forum: 12/13/2009
Messages: 5
I'm liking what I've read so far, although I don't read story's that often I'd say this one is pretty good. One thing though, I thought Otter was a scientist? But I do still like how you've given him a bit of a back story.
  13:10:02  15 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
-=Grunt=-
Cake Muncher
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/08/2009
Messages: 4114
It's good, keep on going.
  18:51:51  15 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
snorkbait
Nexus 6
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081
Better. The style's more confident now. Looks like you're reading it back to yourself and really thinking about the scene and what's in it. Keep going. I want to know Otter's story.
  21:24:57  15 December 2009
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
Messages: 76

---QUOTATION---
Better. The style's more confident now. Looks like you're reading it back to yourself and really thinking about the scene and what's in it. Keep going. I want to know Otter's story.
---END QUOTATION---



Next part is coming soon(tm)

yeah ive been being a bit more careful now too.


---QUOTATION---
It's good, keep on going.
---END QUOTATION---



Thank you
  18:38:16  27 March 2010
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
EnragedOtter
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/12/2009
 

Message edited by:
EnragedOtter
03/27/2010 18:39:04
Messages: 76
Back, sorry about that.

Hey all, yeah Im back to continue this tale. Been very busy. This is what was part 2 of 2 of the first chapter but its grown abit so im not entirely sure of what to do. For now I will turn it into part 2

Chapter I (p2/2)


"Shark Nose" and "Otter" cautiously approached the building, "Otter" unslung his AK from his shoulder and thumbed the safety off. He could hear voices but couldn't tell whether 'Shark Nose' had noticed. He motioned to "Shark Nose" to stop. "Otter" crept forward till he was concealed in the bushes near the door.

Whoever and whatever was in the house was clearly having an argument. Probably bandits squabbling over a artifact or some loot they had just acquired, thought Otter, weighing his options he could hear three voices though there were probably more. There was something familiar about the third voice, but he couldn't place a name or face. The other two were clearly drunk.

"Otter" beckoned to "Shark Nose" to approach and take his place in the bush while "Otter" carefully slid along the wall towards a window. No sooner he reach the window when he heard two loud gunshots, something heavy drop to the floor, a tinkle of broken glass, a scream of agony and then silence. Taking care not to make a sound "Otter" positioned himself next to the door and whispered to "Shark Nose".

"You go through the window Ill go through the door in 5 seconds"

"Shark Nose" nodded and shouldered his rifle and pulling out his UZI, positioned himself near to the window. Mentally counting to five "Otter" laid his hand on the door handle, carefully opened the door and edged round into the dark hall of the house, all was eerily quiet. The was an open doorway ahead and from what he could this was the room with the fire in it.

Flattening his back to the opposite wall and training his gun on the door he move quietly as he could until, with a crunch he stepped on a broken glass which made him pause. Three seconds later he heard a chair fall over and more gun shots and another yelp of agony coming from upstairs.

to be continued
 
Each word should be at least 3 characters long.
Search:    
Search conditions:    - spaces as AND    - spaces as OR   
 
Forum Index » S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl Forum » Stalker stories
 

All short dates are in Month-Day-Year format.


 

Copyright © 1995-2020 GSC Game World. All rights reserved.
This site is best viewed in Internet Explorer 4.xx and up and Javascript enabled. Webmaster.
Opera Software products are not supported.
If any problem concerning the site functioning under Opera Software appears apply
to Opera Software technical support service.