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This is a Test!

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  00:50:52  15 October 2003
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GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
This is a Test!

This is a Test of the Emergency Story Submission Form.

I'm going to post up my story on this thread, and I would like you guys to read it, and give it a rating (1-10) and a comment (A reasonable comment) on why you rated it this way.

I'm doing this to test the discrepancy between my score now with the current rating system, and my score without bias, because no one can just put in 1 and forget about it.

Thank you. I hope, above all, that you enjoy the story.



Kill or be Killed


"There's something wrong with me!" The man's drooping features momentarily twisted. "I can feel it, digging inside me." His hands clenched almost convulsively around his stomach like claws. He looked up at the impassive face of the man across from him, perhaps looking for an answer, perhaps salvation. Who cared which?

The distorted remains of a human's speech barely conjured any sympathy or compassion in the stalker. Those were commodities hard to come by nowadays. Neither did he feel anger or hatred. Only disgust. But what did it matter, either way? The end would be the same.

He had felt obligated at first to listen to the man's story, hoping for a clue to the location of an artifact. But it was all just the same old speech about the reactor, the strange things that started appearing, the changes it made a person go through. Absolutely worthless. No useful information whatsoever.

It all boiled down to one thing: the pitiful thing in front of him was a goner. Either way, something would get him. A stalker or a mutant. And what was the point of letting him go? He'd just end up being a nuisance later on, or worse. Better just to get it over with now, before the change was completed. You could call it mercy, or murder. More likely it was survival. That was the ways things were.

His eyes constantly scanned the horizon, the ruined buildings all around, never stopping in one place for more than a moment before moving on to the next. He had to be vigilant to stay alive. And he was deep enough in the zone that even vigilance might not save him from what could be hunting him.

The man was still rambling on about something, strings of drool dripping from his limp lips. There was nothing more that could be learned from him. It was time to end it. He made a show of looking at the position of the sun.

"It'll be dark soon. You should probably head on back to your home. With all these things coming out in the day, you never know what might come out at night." He almost couldn't contain the sarcasm threatening to infect his tone. Worse things coming out at night? As far as he knew, these things knew neither night nor day, morning nor evening. Only the zone. That was a lesson many learned hard. They'd let their guard drop during the day, just a little, and they'd think the sound of a pack of blind dogs behind them was just the skittering of rats. Even the military stalkers did it to a degree. Around all their fancy technology and guns they'd feel safe. A decade ago they would've been. Now, a single controller could decimate an entire outpost, turn the men into zombies or something, sap out their will, steal their souls. He couldn't suppress a slight shudder. No amount of vigilance could prepare you for that. Hardened stalkers like him dreaded the day they might find a controller. Who knew what would happen to you if one of them kill you like that. What would happen to your soul? It was alien.

He sighed inwardly. Stalker? Hah. They didn't stalk anything. They hunted for artifacts. No they weren't stalkers. But there were things out there that would fit that description. They would fit it all too well.

A chill wind brought dust up around their feet, whistling strangely as it wound through the abandoned streets. And then it was gone. Somewhere in the city behind him, metal clanged as some new part of the city fell to decay. But then again, at that distance, who could tell if it was misuse or perhaps
  05:39:42  15 October 2003
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Well, If I didn't forget, I gave you a five. Not that I want to drag you down, but 5, in my opinion, means average to good ( considering 6 is the highest total ine th L.C) Your story was decent, but then, you haven't showed the real meaning of killed or be killed.

This is from my perspective: Killed or be killed means a dillemma, a condition that requires you to make a decision to kill another man or let the other man kills you. But your story is more to 'Kill the man who could have been your enemy if he isn't killed." You must bear in mind: the killed character you described isn't a psycopathic murderer who had an insane mind, but a normal stalker who was pleading for help. STALKER isn't completely about killing other stalkers. It is about, more or less, surviving in The Zone. Not everyone is your enemy (well, save that for mutants), so people actually thank you if you help them.
  13:21:44  15 October 2003
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
I gave it a seven, it's ( as I said in your comments thread ) a nice, contained story with a good deal of control over prose and style. I like the theme of an act of charity being something that could come back to haunt you, and that if you want to survive in the zone you have to strip down your relationship with others to two, bare essentials; can they help you, or can they hinder you?

I enjoyed it, and as I mentioned before I look forward to a longer piece if you should choose to write one ( and if you need any help with proof-reading or suggestions drop me a line on Clemofski@hotmail.com ). A lot of writers can scrabble around for years trying to find their 'niche', from the way that story read it felt to me like you've found yours and writing it was neither forced or a chore ( although you might have otherwise to say about that! ).
  20:11:03  15 October 2003
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GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
I would like to give two comments on this thread that I started.

1: to Amoki. Just a point of clarification, the other guy was never described as a stalker. I never mentioned any weapons or anything other than the fact that he was turning into something. Please see Ian_C's post for an explanation of the Kill or be Killed idea. I think he explained it better than I could.

2: Look at how easy and clean this is. I now know that my score is an average between a 5 and a 7 (for now), and I have useful, constructive comments on why I was given such scores. There is no possible cheating here.

3: (I know I only said two comments...) Just wanted to thank you both for your comments, especially Ian_C (but then, I would have to, wouldn't I?). I believe I will take you up on your offer to have your proofread, etc. one of my new stories. When I have it finished I will send it.
  14:47:25  16 October 2003
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Goodspeed
(Senior)
 
On forum: 07/25/2003
Messages: 70
Here are my comments, which are also posted on the site itself. I still stand by it, although I do have to admit that I've commented on it when I was kinda sick and bored of reading unimaginative blotches of text (present company excluded of course) over and over again. This was such a welcome sight for (literally) sour eyes, it's a wee bit less critical the normally.


---QUOTATION---
This is a good one! To be honest, this the first time I gave anyone an 8 rating. Your grammar & spelliing is good, your description is good, your plot (i don't care what others say) is also good. It's short, snappy and with a nice bizar twist right at the end. But if I could give some constructive criticism: some descriptive sentences, like the one about sarcasm in his voice, may be a bit too much overdone. I mean, that you have to read a complex and long description for something quite simple. Takes the tempo out of the story. Another thing is that it's unclear what's wrong with mr. dead meat. It leaves the reader with questions about the most popular issues (the bizarre & horrific dangers in the Zone). Furthermore I'm also very eager to read anything else that you're writing, especially if it's a longer piece. Keep it up!"
---END QUOTATION---

  23:07:56  19 October 2003
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GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
Thanks Goodspeed. Anybody else who would like to read and comment are welcome. In fact, please read and comment...I NEED feedback!
 
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