 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
 04:33:36 12 October 2003 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
Well, 1 thing for sure- your paragraphing really sucks. You didn't made a slightest effort to do your sentence into paragraph. Your story structure was a complete shamble. Although your plot is clear, the way you express it is really terrible. I am afraid I can only give you a four, and that is already quite high for this story. You must really work on it. But hey, anytime you want advice, the people in this part of the forum are willing to give one.  
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 12:14:24 12 October 2003 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
Well, Icarus Nine, perhaps that's the technical issues you mentioned in my thread. It is not that I am inept- I have to clarify that. I didn't bother to check as , as you put it, the whole thing was too damn long that I didn't want to check the verbs and the tenses. I know the issue long time already, spot. If you are really that particular about spelling, verbs and tenses, I will work hard for your nitpicking next time, in my finale.
cut and paste from notepad? Com'on, almost all computers nowadays at least have Window Office (if you don't have that, what's computer for? Playing games and surfing the net only?) Not an acceptable reason. But if that's really the reason, Tormentor, I will make an apology to you for my rash decision to vote.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 12:22:27 12 October 2003 |
|
ToRmEnToR
(Senior)
On forum: 08/26/2003
Messages: 116
|
yup, i have written the whole thing using notepad in about 15 minutes... and the paragraphing is realy horibble, but i'm not the one you should blame : it all looks well on my notepad... i'll use word from now on.
i just had an idea, and went straight on with writing. i guess that the end result was unpolished and incomplete...
oh well, better luck next time. |
|
1 | All Messages |
| |
|
| |
| » » |
| |
All short dates are in Month-Day-Year format. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
