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| How do people think of my story? |
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 06:18:05 12 August 2003 |
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
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How do people think of my story?
Hi everyone,
I am the author of the story "Amos" (see the community section) So far, there are not a lot of reviews towards my story, so I think I might crank this up a little bit by saking for comments here. I really love them, since they are useful to my 3rd episode. I am putting whole lot of effort to do the story. For this story, I had spent about 30+ hours in doing and reeditting it.  the 2nd had been submitted using the comments given.
Aside from having no fantasy, no horror, too long and boring, is there any criticism? I am opened to all comments, just that your comments should not be intended to attack me. Your comment will be very much appreciated.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
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| 19:54:45 12 August 2003 |
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
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I liked it, sorry to echo comments that you may have heard before but I did find it a little long for a first part, this was a shame as the story itself was solid but it felt a bit like 'too much, too soon'.
You established a great voice for the main character in it, giving them a lot of personality which is always important in stories which are written from the 'I' viewpoint. I think you could have established the other characters who Amos interacts with a bit more, as although focus on the narrator is important in first person writing you also have to feel some interest in his companions ( maybe you feel a different way about them to the way he does? That can create some interesting conflict between the reader and the main character, as you don't always have to agree with everything the 'hero' does  ).
There were some grammatical mistakes, just spelling really which is no big deal, I won't criticise the sentence structure as it added to the 'voice' of your character rather than hampering it.
It's a great effort, don't feel too torn up by the fools who give you 1/10 just because they can ( I don't see them posting stories up here for people to criticise! ), I know how mindless criticism like that must feel as I also spent a long time on my stories.
"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork."
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| 06:58:28 13 August 2003 |
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
Thanks, Ian C. Can you please tell me more about the 'too much, too soon' thing? And by the way, I may be a lousy typer, but I score a 7 on my IELTS exam.
Well, apparently no one had pointed out making conflicts with other characters. But never mind, since my next story had nothing to do with being stalkers any more. it is more to the bad guys: The Special Forces! the story had 5 battles, a lot of mini stories, a lot of character, a lot of death(Cybacher's idea). for this one, I actually put about 42+ hours, and I really put a huge effort.
Well, Ian C, I saw you posting around about your story. Can't wait to see stories from a fellow writer. hope to see your work soon! I can't wait to give it a 1 ( did I miss the 0? well, I am a lousy typer, you know. Don't take it to hard, it's just a joke.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
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