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How do people think of my story?

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  13:49:45  13 August 2003
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
 

Message edited by:
Ian_C
08/13/2003 13:50:17
Messages: 273
I'm not sure, I just felt he may have met up with the Alliance of Hellcats and been accepted into their group a bit too soon, but it's just personal preference more than anything.

As for conflict with the other characters, it's just something I sometimes find interesting in first-person style stories. The zone strikes me as the kind of place where everyone has a selfish interest, and although they may manipulate others to get what they want you'll seldom be seeing 'the whole story' ( another thing to consider when writing in first person is that the narrator may not be choosing to tell you the entire truth, but writing it to make themselves seem more heroic then they really are ).

I look forward to reading the second part.
  06:58:28  13 August 2003
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Thanks, Ian C. Can you please tell me more about the 'too much, too soon' thing? And by the way, I may be a lousy typer, but I score a 7 on my IELTS exam.

Well, apparently no one had pointed out making conflicts with other characters. But never mind, since my next story had nothing to do with being stalkers any more. it is more to the bad guys: The Special Forces! the story had 5 battles, a lot of mini stories, a lot of character, a lot of death(Cybacher's idea). for this one, I actually put about 42+ hours, and I really put a huge effort.

Well, Ian C, I saw you posting around about your story. Can't wait to see stories from a fellow writer. hope to see your work soon! I can't wait to give it a 1 ( did I miss the 0? well, I am a lousy typer, you know. Don't take it to hard, it's just a joke.
  19:54:45  12 August 2003
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
I liked it, sorry to echo comments that you may have heard before but I did find it a little long for a first part, this was a shame as the story itself was solid but it felt a bit like 'too much, too soon'.

You established a great voice for the main character in it, giving them a lot of personality which is always important in stories which are written from the 'I' viewpoint. I think you could have established the other characters who Amos interacts with a bit more, as although focus on the narrator is important in first person writing you also have to feel some interest in his companions ( maybe you feel a different way about them to the way he does? That can create some interesting conflict between the reader and the main character, as you don't always have to agree with everything the 'hero' does ).

There were some grammatical mistakes, just spelling really which is no big deal, I won't criticise the sentence structure as it added to the 'voice' of your character rather than hampering it.

It's a great effort, don't feel too torn up by the fools who give you 1/10 just because they can ( I don't see them posting stories up here for people to criticise! ), I know how mindless criticism like that must feel as I also spent a long time on my stories.
  06:18:05  12 August 2003
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
How do people think of my story?

Hi everyone,
I am the author of the story "Amos" (see the community section) So far, there are not a lot of reviews towards my story, so I think I might crank this up a little bit by saking for comments here. I really love them, since they are useful to my 3rd episode. I am putting whole lot of effort to do the story. For this story, I had spent about 30+ hours in doing and reeditting it. the 2nd had been submitted using the comments given.

Aside from having no fantasy, no horror, too long and boring, is there any criticism? I am opened to all comments, just that your comments should not be intended to attack me. Your comment will be very much appreciated.
 
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