On forum: 07/24/2011
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"That way madness lies"|
I really enjoy writing and reading. Therefore, I have taken a dabble at writing my own piece. I wrote this back when I was 14 (edited slightly now that I'm 15 as I have a English gcse coming up) - so would really appreciate some feedback as this is a story I based primarily on STALKER. (Oh, I went a bit AWOL with the punctuation - so please don't criticize that much - I will currently upload the first chapter to see if anyone partially enjoys it)
Usually – Dawn flooded the sky with passionate colours, along with a pleasant view of the sun; coated with a yellow jacket and emitting the occasional rich, gold beam of light. Coiling around the shrubbery and the living like a natural scarf against the breezy mornings. Accompanying this, an orchestra of creatures; big and small fluctuated the area with a variety of rhythms and sounds, setting a vibrant and cheerful atmosphere.
Not this morning. There was no sign of the beauty. No rhythms and melodies, no warmth. Only dark, ominous clouds suffocating the sun from peering into the valley. A black wall of tar. Also, the breeze… This breeze feels more like shards of glass. A chorus of whips; biting and gnawing. If not for the protective suits, we would be more scars than skin. The rain did not make the conditions any better either, the gathering of precipitation furiously pounded across the landscape, eager to relinquish damage upon the landscape.
My boots plunged sharply into the soil each time I trudged, absorbing me downwards; then regurgitating me out as I towed and heaved my boot out – leaving a disgusting black bile swamping and migrating across the span of my legs. The others seemed to complain about it continuously, constantly screeching almost inaudible phrases at the riotous valley. However the terrifying whip slashes and the increasing fluctuation of thunder almost muted their complaints… and besides, I couldn’t care less, these people were not my companions, friends, acquaintances. Just a bunch of stupid idiots. My memory cannot recollect to how I even managed to band together with them – probably to do with money and greed, but now, I just wanted to exit the task.
We reached the embankment of an abandoned railway. The furious precipitation had not subsided (not even slightly!) and an extreme amount of surface-runoff could be seen upon the embankment – the black bile crawling maliciously down the slope. A few Coniferous trees dotted the liquidated landscape and clusters of rocks around the long embankment embraced the harassment from the elements. I could not see further than approximately a hundred meters as the rain seemingly consumed the rest of the zone – feasting on the landscape, mowing down the grass and mutating it into black filth. The vibrant colours were gone. Just black and blue. A black and white-
“Yep I see it! It’s just down the hill, opposite to the big cluster of trees.”
My mind refocused to the task at hand – the fat man continued speaking monotonously – but once again the chat was inaudible and his gasmask did not exactly make his speech any more coherent. I also noticed him pointing – index finger poised, drearily towards the area and slouching uncomfortably from the precipitation shards.
Then, a sudden jolt. He awoke from his daze and began jogging towards the area he designated, weapon outstretched and his enormous hands, clamping the rifle delicately like a precious antique. The others soon followed. Once I reacted, I noticed that I had seemingly declined in height and staring down, I once again noticed the black bile – calling… persuading me to stay, wrapping its enormous, disgusting torso around me. It was one huge enormous python. Applying a great deal of strength and violently thrashing my legs around the murky sludge, I escaped the treacherous imprisonment and followed the others, whom had almost disappeared in the aquatic mist.