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Me and my AK

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  12:50:38  28 December 2003
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
More commenst please!
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Hmmmm.... I'm touched, after you remained dormant for such a long time, you still come and ask for more comment. How about this? Let's make a deal. You comment on mine somewhere in this forum, and I'll comment on yours first.

On a first glance, this story is quite deep. You explore the melancholic feelings of a stalker who had lost his AK. Next you explore the selfishness of others, who ,apparently, the stalker's friends, was more empathic with vodka than with him. Nice touch on the other details- explored the memories of the AK with you (the stalker).

Next for the flaws. No one is perfect, but sometime it is good to know your flaws too

1) if the rifle really brought so much memory, why didn't the protagonist (the stalker) kept it somewhere safe? 21 years inside The Zone (and that's only with the AK) should earn you enough to get a FN2000, and no doubt, the FN2000 is a much better weapon then the Ak. The FN2000's handguard does have a flashlight, so every stalker probably will be going for that. For an AK, however, a flashlight have to be mount. And mounting one was never easy, at least no one bragged about it. I believe everyone here had something precious to them. (For me, it's my NX080V PDA). And for something precious, you just don't bring them everywhere unless it is really necessary. I also doubt an AK would be the only weapon you'll be cradling around when you have cash for better one. A more logical aspect would be mounting them on a rack and guard them like they are diamonds

2) I doubt if someone could really survive the Zone more then 21 years. But even if someone could last that long, he probably would have enough money to open his own shop in Kiev and get out of The Zone. Bear in mind The ZOne is a really horrendous place- you made an example of that yourself during his met with Ivan. Anytime, a monster can control your best freind and turned him into your nightmare. Who wants to stay that long inside there?

3) Identity- your stalker don't have an identity. For examples, we never heard of him sending money back to his family. (that is a real dillema to the word Responsibility). If he have a family, that can explain why he don;t have money for a new weapon while safeguarding his old one. But this you didn't include. And he didn;t have a family of his own? No daughter who is more precious than his AK? . But he does have friends though.

Well, that's it. Your stories are quite good overall, very thought-provoking. But never ever think that you are the world's top ten writer in STALKER fanfic. There are many here with enormous potential to win, yet their chances exploited by the voting system. Not to mention these guys are so kind that they really spent time helping others.
  09:46:37  28 December 2003
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Waqar
(Novice)
 
On forum: 09/30/2003
Messages: 7
More commenst please!
  06:04:44  1 October 2003
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
I don't understand, mate, why u posted this here after yours is posted. WE all post our work when they weren't posted up. Your are ....eh.... unique.

I suggest u stick to your comments in the webpage ( if there is any.) And hey, unless you are writing a sequel, I wouldn't bother to comment more. Sorry to so, but others may already posted up what I think, so I don't bother to type ( or read)!
  19:40:13  30 September 2003
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Waqar
(Novice)
 
On forum: 09/30/2003
Messages: 7
Me and my AK

Author: Waqar Tariq
Posted: 25/04/2003

I was sitting in this grey, old bar, drinking my Vodka which suddenly tasted horrible, sitting at the table with 3 other guys who I once called
 
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