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Short Story - Survival

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  12:50:52  17 February 2004
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snowgim
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/17/2004
Messages: 6
Short Story - Survival

I only found out about the short story competition a few weeks ago, too late, but I was so inspired by what I've seen of this game that I just couldn't resist writing one anyway. So, here it is...

Survival

Grigory awoke with a start. He had heard a noise, amplified and distorted by sleep into a sound effect from an old movie he once saw. He sat up and froze, holding his breath, listening intently, his eyes frantic, desperately searching for any danger or the source of the sound. Nothing. The third floor room where he had spent the night was empty, just plaster and broken glass, no furniture: likely the owner
  23:29:48  18 February 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
Very nice; short but atmospheric and punchy, there wasn't any characterisation ( perhaps apart from the dream ) but it's obvious that wasn't what you were aiming for here. There's a real feeling of urban decay in your descriptions, and the main character stumbling from one bad situation into another, even worse one leaves the reader feeling helpless as they're dragged along for the ride - but of course they still want to know what happens.

I look forward to reading more of your work if you intend to write it.
  03:29:52  20 February 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
I agree with Ian C - there is almost nothing about the hero except his name. BUt even so, I find the story exceptionally entertaining like most story are suppose to be. For one, you did not waist time using "Fluffy" Language, but get right down to the point. Excellent move. But there is almost room for improvement. basically, your story focused on mere action. Try putting some more emotional thoughts aspect in them. I can't promise that it will be top class, but it will certainly be entertaining. And to be honest, its hard to find entertaining story in the forum.
  13:21:37  1 March 2004
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snowgim
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/17/2004
Messages: 6
Thanks for your comments. I have actually begun writing another story set in the zone, and it is much more focussed on the character and his emotions rather than the action.
I'll post it on this forum when I've finished.
  03:33:47  5 March 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for your comments. I have actually begun writing another story set in the zone, and it is much more focussed on the character and his emotions rather than the action.
I'll post it on this forum when I've finished.
---END QUOTATION---



U do that. But another option could be mailing them to GSC and prayu hard that Atem has a son... literally (which means he is in a good mood and will take your submission). In that case, you'll get a win-win situation. You never know if you will win, so why not try?
  04:19:36  8 March 2004
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snowgim
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/17/2004
Messages: 6

---QUOTATION---
U do that. But another option could be mailing them to GSC and prayu hard that Atem has a son... literally (which means he is in a good mood and will take your submission). In that case, you'll get a win-win situation. You never know if you will win, so why not try?
---END QUOTATION---



I didn't think there was much point, since it's so far past the end date. But I guess I have nothing to lose from trying. Thanks, amoki, I'll do that.
 
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