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Blowout

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  06:08:04  2 February 2004
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KakerMix
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/13/2003
Messages: 18
Blowout

Real short story. Leave a comment or 2.
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Barek had been in and out of work since the second Chernobyl disaster. Having lost his job in the recession that followed, Barek's family life suffered. A year after the disaster without solid employment, his wife of 7 years left him. Depression set in as Barek wasted what money he had left on drink, drowning his life away.
All of that changed when news of what was going on in the zone made the news around the world. Stories of rescue expeditions gone missing, strange phenomenon and creatures ripping out of the nuclear radiated woodwork grabbed Barek out of his drunken stupor. He soon found out about men going into the Zone and collecting various objects warped by the disaster for study. It seems certain individuals were willing to pay a price for such objects. This seemed like the perfect get rich quick scheme.
A week later, Barek, along with 2 other of his drinking buddies, snuck over the Zone's border in the middle of the night. They had between them a crowbar, a baseball bat, and a shotgun, along with 3 sacks to carry the objects they heard would make them money. They maneuverd their way through some dense underbrush, coming upon a road, which they followed a good 3 miles. Up ahead they spotted a house. As they approached, they began hearing a low audible groan, noticing this hairy sort of rust along the ground, crushing under foot of their boots. With dreams of big money, the 3 men didn't think much of what was causing such strange behaviour.
One of Barek's buddies rushed in the house, quick to find something to sell. Barek began to wonder if this was such a good idea, running after his friend. As he flung himself into the doorway, Barek saw his friend, in the center of what looked as the family room, on his knees holding his eyes. Barek finally noticed that the room was curved, not built with the curve in mind, but twisted, contorted into a sort of spiral into the center of the floor where his friend was right now. The walls bowed inward, the lamp off to the side was cocked at in impossible angle, being held to the wall by it's power cord. Pieces of wall paper were drawn not down, but toward the center, as if gravity was playing a different tune here inside these walls. Bareks thoughts began to feel as though they were being pulled to the center, his body being drawn to the middle of the crippled room. He turned away from the room, only to see on the other side of the doorway a world in the extremes of black and white. His head hurt, he began to bleed from the eyes and ears, the low increasing in power like thunder, careening through his head, shattering his thoughts as he cowered on the ground, holding his eyes. He could still see through his hands, seeing shapes, figures, impossible lightning dance across the ground as the draw of the center of the room became stronger. Barek felt his body arch in an absurd angle,his skin burned, hearing the cracks of his bones, the twisting of his spine toward the gravitational black hole. Barek's mind exploded, his heart came apart, and his thoughts ceased.
Three bodies were found by a military patrol on the morning of June 21, 2010. The bodies were discovered 3 miles north of the southern border of the containment zone, outside of a small cabin. One body was outside, in relative cohesion when compared to the 2 found inside. The skin was black, what clothes he had on were burned to ash, then blown off. The second body, in the doorway of the house, had it's hands fused to the metal frame of the doorway, his back arched, showing the bodies rib cage was bent backwards toward the center of the room. The skin was sporadic, some patches remained on the corpse while other places, like the top of the skull, had no skin, burnt black. The third body, or what was left of it, was largely drawn to a center hole in the floor. The entire skeletal structure was bent toward the hole, deforming the shape to a barely recognizable human. No skin, what was there was burnt black, like the others. A strange phenomenon reported was that on the ceilings were black silhouettes of the 2 bodies found in the house.
This was the first reported incident of citizens in the Zone during a blowout. More followed.
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  02:53:45  3 February 2004
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Chansd5
(Senior)
 
On forum: 11/26/2003
Messages: 124
I like it. Very Brutal and graphic accounts of the fatality of the zone anomalies. I would like to see this story continued though.. perhaps it could be connected to a part of a larger story.

Keep it up.
  06:39:17  4 February 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
be careful with what you had left at your signature, because I never knew God had said that before, especially about stuffing things.

Your story is good in terms of description, no doubt about that. Simple plot, that's all.
  18:24:01  5 February 2004
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KakerMix
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/13/2003
 

Message edited by:
KakerMix
02/05/2004 18:26:24
Messages: 18

---QUOTATION---
be careful with what you had left at your signature, because I never knew God had said that before, especially about stuffing things.

---END QUOTATION---



Stuffing?

I knew I would offend someone with a sig like that at some point, so its expected. For sure tho, people should have the sense to know that I jest. After all, if God did indeed create all of mankind, he has to have a sense of humour.

About the story, yeah, I wanted to do something describing the zone, rather than a super-commando guy, or something like the other good stories around here about polotics and morale. Just my little snippet, that I may use to create something more with a bit more complex plot.
  23:18:20  5 February 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
be careful with what you had left at your signature, because I never knew God had said that before, especially about stuffing things.

About the story, yeah, I wanted to do something describing the zone, rather than a super-commando guy, or something like the other good stories around here about polotics and morale. Just my little snippet, that I may use to create something more with a bit more complex plot.
---END QUOTATION---



Stories for simpleton. Yeah, great
  00:45:42  6 February 2004
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Nauris Krauze
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/09/2003
 

Message edited by:
Nauris Krauze
02/06/2004 0:46:05
Messages: 44

---QUOTATION---

Stories for simpleton. Yeah, great
---END QUOTATION---



In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. However, he still is just a one-eyed man.
  01:17:24  6 February 2004
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Leper Messiah
<(<(-<(-_-)>-)>)> Kirby Army
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/15/2004
 

Message edited by:
Leper Messiah
02/06/2004 1:17:57
Messages: 284

---QUOTATION---

Stories for simpleton. Yeah, great

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. However, he still is just a one-eyed man.
---END QUOTATION---



He who stand on toilet, High on pot......

But seriously, good writing, I'd also like to see a continuation, or some more stories from you. Keep up the good work.
  10:54:01  6 February 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---

Stories for simpleton. Yeah, great

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. However, he still is just a one-eyed man.
---END QUOTATION---



eh? Haiku thread?
  22:58:42  6 February 2004
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Nauris Krauze
(Novice)
 
On forum: 01/09/2003
Messages: 44

---QUOTATION---

Haiku thread?
---END QUOTATION---



No it was angry (by my standards) assault. It doesnt have much of the haiku structure, isnt it?
  00:26:11  7 February 2004
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Leper Messiah
<(<(-<(-_-)>-)>)> Kirby Army
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/15/2004
Messages: 284

---QUOTATION---

Stories for simpleton. Yeah, great

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. However, he still is just a one-eyed man.

eh? Haiku thread?
---END QUOTATION---



Sounds more like an ancient chinese proverb to me
 
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