Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
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certainly your new story has improvement. You starting to know how to create an interesting plot, even though it is your usual easy plot. Not bad! Keep it up.
In your new work, you also starting to reduce the amount of character. you start to know how to focus on individual character, which is how you basically put in emotion and thoughts. What I mean is, you now know how to pay attention to individual character with more than 2 sentences on a character one at a time. But this is where you improve- unless you have a heated conversation, always try to put in more than 2 sentepce at a time to put in thought/emotions/reaction when you are uslng 1st person.
1st person= using "I"
3rd person = "he"
1st is a strong weapon when you want to do a thought provoking story. A good "Actually, best." is "The difference between you and me." Or try "home to stay", which is mind in the forum. But I will provide you with a link when I get to use a CPU. I am now on a PDA. 3rd persod is mre on action, whic is usually what I recommend for new authors as most of the time most authors are better od action. Unless you have somethirg to say to the world via your story, you might as well stick to 3rd person.
You might consider post your story in the forum- Ian C is a better commentor (and he don't have to write on a PDA).
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From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
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23:45:04 17 June 2004
