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  23:45:04  17 June 2004
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On forum: 05/25/2004

Message edited by:
06/17/2004 23:45:56
Messages: 78
yes post it here and review
  11:12:43  18 June 2004
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back with a vengeance


On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
certainly your new story has improvement. You starting to know how to create an interesting plot, even though it is your usual easy plot. Not bad! Keep it up.

In your new work, you also starting to reduce the amount of character. you start to know how to focus on individual character, which is how you basically put in emotion and thoughts. What I mean is, you now know how to pay attention to individual character with more than 2 sentences on a character one at a time. But this is where you improve- unless you have a heated conversation, always try to put in more than 2 sentepce at a time to put in thought/emotions/reaction when you are uslng 1st person.

1st person= using "I"
3rd person = "he"

1st is a strong weapon when you want to do a thought provoking story. A good "Actually, best." is "The difference between you and me." Or try "home to stay", which is mind in the forum. But I will provide you with a link when I get to use a CPU. I am now on a PDA. 3rd persod is mre on action, whic is usually what I recommend for new authors as most of the time most authors are better od action. Unless you have somethirg to say to the world via your story, you might as well stick to 3rd person.

You might consider post your story in the forum- Ian C is a better commentor (and he don't have to write on a PDA).
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