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Did I submit my story correctly? Here it is.

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  00:31:31  8 June 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
Thanks alot friend for the offer.
Unfortuneately, with exams next week and about a million projects due this week, I doubt I'll have any time to write for at least 2 weeks. By then it might be too late...
  05:32:00  4 June 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
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On forum: 07/31/2003
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
06/04/2004 5:36:43
Messages: 1729
BTW- if you are willing to take a shot, the devs are still accepting stuff with condition applied, so you can develop your story further DESPITE website claims. These guys seems to be good procrastinators when it comes to the contest... but make sure you sent me the copy of your story, because I will edit the stuff into the contest format and then send it back to you, so that even if the devs are not in the mood, there is still a large chunk of chance that your piece would make it through. The same offer goes to everyone else.

Of if you don't trust me OR you want to do it yourself, just "save" one of the stories of STALKERS with IE, edit it with word (you should have the dark blackground and gridlines.) and do everything the same way you want it submitted, but make sure
1) font is the same- I am not so sure what font, but I think it is verdana 7.5.
2) no spacing in front i.e no tabs

What you sent is probably how it would look like in the contest!

Of course, if you decided to trust me, you don't have to fear that I chop off your story and sent it as mine, considering A) I alread have 10 pieces of works done by myself and B) I am the senior resident here

But bear in mind this- the devs might get cocky because they had ended the contest officially, and there are risk if you do this. Me myself had submitted my work, and there is no rebuffs so far (I did everything according to the above things). Who knows, everything is posted next monday (and then me and Ian_C and Chode would be screaming "Good ol' Queen's Birthday )
  11:34:31  2 June 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
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On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for the Info.
I noticed you refer to something you call 'The Verdict'. I'm assuming this is a self-made list of your favourite stories. Sounds like you put alotta thought into it! Unfortuneatly, I dont have a PDA or whatever to read the stories, and my time on the internet is somewhat limited. Do yuo think you could give me a list of must-reads? Id like to read some more, but as I cant read them all, I want to at least read the best ones. Thanks!

Yeah, I made "the verdict" (beaming with pride ) And yes, you probably need a PDA to read the numerous entrees (and lots of patience) if you want to give everyone a fair reading. Which is what almost everyone here cannot do. Which is why I did it

Must read... hmm. I can tell you directly that most of the stuff in the top ten list is very, very lousy. But this is what I can remember without refering to the verdict:
1) The difference between you and me. Definitely a must. you'll see why after you finish reading.
2) The inhuman condition - (look for full version in the forum). Among the very best that I know of.
3) Pilgrimage - also one that worth checking out, full of action.
4) Alone - I remember you reading this, but it is good anyway.
5) STALKER Chronicles - Not top-quality, yet VERY VERY entertaining, almost like yours.
6) Sergey (last page in the contest list) - quite good
7) The boy - worth recommending, but basically the author focus on The Zone itself (I think) more than its character.
8) Initiation and The Stalker - actually one story itself, btu the devs messed up and put them into two Short, yet quite well-done

There's more in "The Verdict"

I made a series myself called "Prey of one, Predator of another" [again, devs messed up and named it "Pray of one.predator of another" ]. If you have time, check it out, but definitely not worth your reading time if your time on the computer is limited.
---END QUOTATION---



I forgot "Kill or be killed". The name sound violent, but it is actually not, more on a stalker's thought about his life. Not that long too- must read!
  05:38:00  2 June 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
06/02/2004 5:38:44
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for the Info.
I noticed you refer to something you call 'The Verdict'. I'm assuming this is a self-made list of your favourite stories. Sounds like you put alotta thought into it! Unfortuneatly, I dont have a PDA or whatever to read the stories, and my time on the internet is somewhat limited. Do yuo think you could give me a list of must-reads? Id like to read some more, but as I cant read them all, I want to at least read the best ones. Thanks!
---END QUOTATION---



Yeah, I made "the verdict" (beaming with pride ) And yes, you probably need a PDA to read the numerous entrees (and lots of patience) if you want to give everyone a fair reading. Which is what almost everyone here cannot do. Which is why I did it

Must read... hmm. I can tell you directly that most of the stuff in the top ten list is very, very lousy. But this is what I can remember without refering to the verdict:
1) The difference between you and me. Definitely a must. you'll see why after you finish reading.
2) The inhuman condition - (look for full version in the forum). Among the very best that I know of.
3) Pilgrimage - also one that worth checking out, full of action.
4) Alone - I remember you reading this, but it is good anyway.
5) STALKER Chronicles - Not top-quality, yet VERY VERY entertaining, almost like yours.
6) Sergey (last page in the contest list) - quite good
7) The boy - worth recommending, but basically the author focus on The Zone itself (I think) more than its character.
8) Initiation and The Stalker - actually one story itself, btu the devs messed up and put them into two Short, yet quite well-done

There's more in "The Verdict"

I made a series myself called "Prey of one, Predator of another" [again, devs messed up and named it "Pray of one.predator of another" ]. If you have time, check it out, but definitely not worth your reading time if your time on the computer is limited.
  02:18:55  2 June 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
Thanks for the Info.
I noticed you refer to something you call 'The Verdict'. I'm assuming this is a self-made list of your favourite stories. Sounds like you put alotta thought into it! Unfortuneatly, I dont have a PDA or whatever to read the stories, and my time on the internet is somewhat limited. Do yuo think you could give me a list of must-reads? Id like to read some more, but as I cant read them all, I want to at least read the best ones. Thanks!
  04:43:15  29 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
BTW, Alone is done by one of our regular guy here called "Chode". Actually, that story had some history behind it too- his 200 post are 'jacked' by an imposter using that same name too. Basically, it is not possible for that 6. vote to come down because beyond 100, his vote is already stabilized. Luckily, that is all to change soon...

What do you mean this will all change soon? Are you hinting that the Devs are going to change the system? Or maybe even judge the stories themselves? I have found many flaws in the current system (even though it is better that you can only vote once). My unique way of getting on the internet (Using a Linux Gateway) causes my IP address to change every time I dial out (BTW, I dont know much about how it works, my dad set it up, so I might have some errors in my understanding). So When I log of the net and come back on later, I find I can vote AGAIN for stories I have already voted for! (Not that I have, of course. I havn't even voted for my own once) Im hoping the Devs/website admin or whoever does this stuff can find a more accurate way to rate these.

Ooh, btw, why I'm asking questions: I was wondering what the (Novice) and (Senior) and, in your case, (resident) monkiers that are beneath your name mean. I assume they are related to how often you post in these forums?
---END QUOTATION---



They are going to change the system, isn't it? See their post about "The literacy contest is alive!) [BTW- literacy?]. They are keeping it soooo secret, that they never ever gave us a hint. Of course, if they don't do something about that IP stuff, I am going to sent the a bunker-buster bomb myself (literally). They know the problem, so best guess is that it is probably log-in voting Read the story personally? They said that once, but that is probably fiction now.

Novice is when you just started, Senior is 50-150 post, and senior is beyond 150 votes. Of course, they bear no significant meanings, so don't bother.
  00:12:00  29 May 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
05/29/2004 0:20:00
Messages: 29

---QUOTATION---
BTW, Alone is done by one of our regular guy here called "Chode". Actually, that story had some history behind it too- his 200 post are 'jacked' by an imposter using that same name too. Basically, it is not possible for that 6. vote to come down because beyond 100, his vote is already stabilized. Luckily, that is all to change soon...
---END QUOTATION---



What do you mean this will all change soon? Are you hinting that the Devs are going to change the system? Or maybe even judge the stories themselves? I have found many flaws in the current system (even though it is better that you can only vote once). My unique way of getting on the internet (Using a Linux Gateway) causes my IP address to change every time I dial out (BTW, I dont know much about how it works, my dad set it up, so I might have some errors in my understanding). So When I log of the net and come back on later, I find I can vote AGAIN for stories I have already voted for! (Not that I have, of course. I havn't even voted for my own once) Im hoping the Devs/website admin or whoever does this stuff can find a more accurate way to rate these.

Ooh, btw, why I'm asking questions: I was wondering what the (Novice) and (Senior) and, in your case, (resident) monkiers that are beneath your name mean. I assume they are related to how often you post in these forums?
  07:33:25  28 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
BTW, Alone is done by one of our regular guy here called "Chode". Actually, that story had some history behind it too- his 200 post are 'jacked' by an imposter using that same name too. Basically, it is not possible for that 6. vote to come down because beyond 100, his vote is already stabilized. Luckily, that is all to change soon...
  06:12:10  28 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for clearing that up, my friend . New Zealand huh? What I'd give to go there. I've been to Australia (AWESOME TRIP) before, but not NZ. Its on my To-do list Same with going to Africa and Asia. What are you studying anyhow? NZ would be a neat place to go to school.

Btw, I was looking through the comments of some of the newer stories, and I noticed you telling this guy Named Michael that he had ripped off his story from someone else. I guess you'd know Could you point out to me where the original is? I would like to give credit to the actual author, but I can't figure out how this database of stories is organized. Thanks.
---END QUOTATION---



That story happens to be "Outsider's Story" by Usawa_something guy. I think it is at page number 3/4, somewhere around "The difference between you and me" (done by a Jap actually). Ironically, that imposter actually submited the story using the name of the main character, Micheal. Oh, the be honest, the story that story is not that great when you think of it using your logic. The plot was lousy... but don't let me stop you from enjoying that story
  03:46:52  28 May 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
05/28/2004 5:04:40
Messages: 29
Thanks for clearing that up, my friend . New Zealand huh? What I'd give to go there. I've been to Australia (AWESOME TRIP) before, but not NZ. Its on my To-do list Same with going to Africa and Asia. What are you studying anyhow? NZ would be a neat place to go to school.

Btw, I was looking through the comments of some of the newer stories, and I noticed you telling this guy Named Michael that he had ripped off his story from someone else. I guess you'd know Could you point out to me where the original is? I would like to give credit to the actual author, but I can't figure out how this database of stories is organized. Thanks.
  07:39:29  26 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
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On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Woah! Thanks for the advice Probably one of the best sources of information is forums, if you ask the right people. Im not quite sure I understand your entire Aussie-kiwi reference.... are you australian and making fun of the newzealanders by calling them kiwi's? Thats the only conclusion I've managed to come up with.
I personally get a huge kick out of writing, but I havn't really tried anything THAT ambitious and actually gone through with it. If I write a story on my own, it almost NEVER gets finished (Im really bad at not planning the ending before I start writing... BAD HABIT). My best (by that I mean finished ) work involves a deadline of some kind (ie contests, english projects etc.) I do hope I'll eventually manage to over come this rather irritating flaw of mine. Maybe a course in writing or something to help me develop a plan would help...
Thanks again for your advice.

Btw, I am 16 (Grade 11), but like I was alluding too earlier, our school system (or society for that matter) doesn't cover practically ANY history that doesn't involve Canada or North America. It is really too bad that my society remains fairly ignorant to alot of things that have happened in the past, simply because they are related with a less influential country.

Oh an Chansd5, I'm glad you like what you see so far, and I hope you enjoy the rest if you get a chance to read it!
---END QUOTATION---



16... hmmm. About the age I write joining the contest.

Actually, I came from MAlaysia, but now reside and study at New Zealand. That thing si only a brother-to-brother kind of thing- the big brother always 'bully' the smaller brother, even though both come to the same parents. Aussie can start a joke on anything about New Zealand from our sheep (chode) to The lord of the Ring Films (a columnist in sydney Herald Tribune). As I say again, it is a brother-to-brother business again, not something that could start a civil war. It is just like how the Americans, your cousins, starts a joke like" Canadian could have ended up with British Culture, French Cuisine, and American techonology. Instead, they ended up with American culture, French Technology, and British Cuisine (British Cuisine is lousy in the eyes of French by the way). Oh, BTW, kiwis are New Zealander.

As for your habit of procrastination, just bear in mind that only you can help yourself. Put in lots of interest in your work, and you don't have to worry about lagging behind your schedule. But people differ from everyone- most of us work best with deadline anyway.

As for the right people? Heh, , just trying to help those newbies to their feet. When I started, there is only one guy who helped me (and he only read 1o pages of my work_, who happens to be the guy who started the thread about writing stories in this forum. So just trying to give something back.
  06:04:04  26 May 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
05/26/2004 7:08:42
Messages: 29
Woah! Thanks for the advice Probably one of the best sources of information is forums, if you ask the right people. Im not quite sure I understand your entire Aussie-kiwi reference.... are you australian and making fun of the newzealanders by calling them kiwi's? Thats the only conclusion I've managed to come up with.
I personally get a huge kick out of writing, but I havn't really tried anything THAT ambitious and actually gone through with it. If I write a story on my own, it almost NEVER gets finished (Im really bad at not planning the ending before I start writing... BAD HABIT). My best (by that I mean finished ) work involves a deadline of some kind (ie contests, english projects etc.) I do hope I'll eventually manage to over come this rather irritating flaw of mine. Maybe a course in writing or something to help me develop a plan would help...
Thanks again for your advice.

Btw, I am 16 (Grade 11), but like I was alluding too earlier, our school system (or society for that matter) doesn't cover practically ANY history that doesn't involve Canada or North America. It is really too bad that my society remains fairly ignorant to alot of things that have happened in the past, simply because they are related with a less influential country.

Oh an Chansd5, I'm glad you like what you see so far, and I hope you enjoy the rest if you get a chance to read it!
  08:21:45  24 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
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On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Wow, thanks for the HUGE comment . Im really pleased that someone liek yourself took the time to think about what I wrote and seriously evaluate it. Boy, after you point out the things wrong with the story it seems so obvious! Its too bad I can't edit it and resubmit it, cause I have already thought of a bunch of things I'd love to add. Cause thats what I get for leaving things to the last minute. I didn't know about this GAME, let alone the contest, until late January.
Thanks for your compliments on the characters. I had a great time creating and writing about them, glad to see someone else enjoy them as well.
I wish I had alot more time to put the reserch into the story. Some of the reasons the great novels I have read are so great are because the research involved is top-notch. I had to mostly rely on my current knowledge of the subjects I touched upon in the story, which isnt much Im afraid. Being a grade 11 student in Canada means I know practially NOTHING about the area of Chernobyl. I didn't even know what country Chernobyl was in! THanks for your constructive critizim (sp?), I think knowing my strengths and weaknesses will help me alot the next time I write. I do believe you, Amoki, would make a good editor.
Thanks Again.
---END QUOTATION---



To be honest, research isn't really that daunting, you know. Research is important, yes, but that is only about 20% importance in a story, although when you come to the final stage of selecting the best of the best stories that 20% mattered between heaven and earth. What is more important is style- how you put an ordinary sentence into one that sounded complex and sophisticated, yet enjoyable to read. Being Grade 11 (how old is that? Guess not around 16, since people around that age will already be exposed to Chernobyl), you can practise writing, but writing age with maturity- don't expect to write like Ian_C or most people in this forum after you write 2 or three pieces. But keep on the practice.

Most of the time, writing not need to be that obvious. Research differs between WHAT you want to write. If you wish to continue writing, read on. But if you don't, I suggest you quit this thread now

Like my "Home to stay", it is more intended on the thinking side and feeling side, so research is needed minimally. For example, I only need to find out what brand of cigarrettes that is popular in Ukraine, a farmland's pirce and the area in Ukraine where soil is the most fertile, location of my setting (real setting available in map), and the currency use in Ukraine and its convertion rate IT is not that daunting, only a few key words here and there and you get what you want.

Of course, localisation would be a little bit complex. Localisation means imitating local accent, slangs, etc. So far only one person managed to do so writing in this contest: Midnight Rambler and his "Inhuman condition", where his imitation of Scottish accent was close to real. So since you came from Canada, use what is of your countries. Donlt cross the line. For example, a writer named "Matthew De Piazzi" (:l) in the competition did something stupid like imitating New Zealand slang when it comes to name, using "Crustopher" instead of "Kristopher" while trying to joke how Kiwis say their name. Just another round in the great Aussie-and-Kiwi boxing match. Some of this day, I could probably something that mocks Aussies once and for all.

However, if you decided to go for action that relies heavily on weaponary, close-quarter combat, ammunition etc., research is needed HEAVILY!. Like when I did my "Prey of one, Predator of another" series months ago, I threw question at a gun nut in the forum name X5060 who knew almost everything about guns, from how a 40mm grenade works to weaponary attachment. Never trust anything from what you see in games-most games made things sounded so easy. For example, in real life not a lot of people use pistols akimbo style like what happened in Tomb Raider. That way of firing reduce gun accuracy and waste ammunition. Not exactly the things you want to happen in "One shot, one kill" environment. But hey, when you need help, just ask the guys in "Gameplay and Balance" section, that guy is there. Oh, if you want to know, the thread asking for answers last for about a month and 10 pages
  01:22:57  24 May 2004
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Chansd5
(Senior)
 
On forum: 11/26/2003
Messages: 124
Wow wow wow, from the time I had I read a bit of it and of what I could and I caught a few action parts of it and it seems to be very very entertaining.. I would read it next time I have free time maybe tomorrow and give you a nice verdict Franz
  00:30:17  24 May 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
Wow, thanks for the HUGE comment . Im really pleased that someone liek yourself took the time to think about what I wrote and seriously evaluate it. Boy, after you point out the things wrong with the story it seems so obvious! Its too bad I can't edit it and resubmit it, cause I have already thought of a bunch of things I'd love to add. Cause thats what I get for leaving things to the last minute. I didn't know about this GAME, let alone the contest, until late January.
Thanks for your compliments on the characters. I had a great time creating and writing about them, glad to see someone else enjoy them as well.
I wish I had alot more time to put the reserch into the story. Some of the reasons the great novels I have read are so great are because the research involved is top-notch. I had to mostly rely on my current knowledge of the subjects I touched upon in the story, which isnt much Im afraid. Being a grade 11 student in Canada means I know practially NOTHING about the area of Chernobyl. I didn't even know what country Chernobyl was in! THanks for your constructive critizim (sp?), I think knowing my strengths and weaknesses will help me alot the next time I write. I do believe you, Amoki, would make a good editor.
Thanks Again.
  10:38:44  22 May 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
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On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Well, I'll just give you an introduction of myself. I am amoki. I am a male. I am a word nut. I currently have the most works in the contest. My works are almost totally junk as not many people read them. I have read all the stories in the contest. I am here to give you a comment.

Now, attahoy to your story.

Your story is actually good, among the goodies of the contest of the story. YOur plot is definitely interesting, and hey, it is actually been a while since I read something entertaining without whine.

But... I have comments.
1) British? Definitely illogical. The friendly British people taking The Zone? Even so, Ukraine is in the Eastern Europe, but UK is at the west. And I don;t think Ukraine and UK ever meet in terms of geography. UK is surrounded by sea and France, Ukraine is by CIS countries.
2) Obviously, you didnt' do your research in your story, but for once I can forgive you because your story entertained me. You can't see the evidence of transgenic transplant just by dissceting the organ, can you? Another thing is... a Ukrainian using a Smith and Wesson? S&W is an American weapon. You should put an emphasis on either Russian weapons or weapons in the website of the game.


Not much from me, but lots of compliments to me.

To be completely honest, you storty is more invigorating than "He who dares wins" Series. For one, you manage to create good and distinctive characterization, a feature not a lot of people willing to spent time on, yet somehow wished their story would win the contest? *sigh*. If you have not been following the forum in recent months, chracterization is putting life into your characters- feelings, emotions, reaction. You guys have easily identifiable characterization- an "actor" military officer with racial sentiments , a eccentrical British scientist (kinda remind me of my British Physic teacher and his behaviour . But somehow I detect no chracterization in your main character, aside that he is a hero... btu I can't blame you. This is probably your first piece. Your story is also, as Ian_C put it, easy to read. But of course, having a good night's sleep could have done more magic

On the contrary, "He who dares wins" has everything correct, down to a point that the author's knowledge of weaponary surpass ordinary gun knowledge (down to a point the author TELLS THE EXACT BULLET he wants) and only X5060 can understand. But his characterization is purely physical i.e concrete.- readers probably find it hard to go deep into his character. Sure, his main character is Austrian SAS ( Why not NZSAS ) [and another character is a physicist (and the author's knowledge of physics is superb, sure signs of research)] and he knows guns, but he had no life principals. No goals. No clear history, nothing that drives him. His character can't be predicted, which is very contrast to yours. we only knew his character by conversation and minor flashback. Yours? By means of action and facial expression. Highly commendable.

Looks like another candidate for The Verdict, eh

Overall? Good job. You could have improve well if you had started early and follow the guideline for writing a story as given at the top of the thread, but as the saying goes, it is hard to put down top-notch thing and last-minute's notice. Anyway, do continue your interest to write.
  02:39:22  22 May 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
YAA! Thanks a million for giving me the heads up! That makes me very very happy! Glad to see that staying up till three on a school night was NOT in vain.
  08:29:07  13 May 2004
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Amoki
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On forum: 07/31/2003
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Hey, Franz, your work got posted! I think I can read them soon enough and give you a comment. And Congrats, you made it into the contest.
  22:31:08  30 April 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
04/30/2004 22:34:33
Messages: 29

---QUOTATION---
oh man, this is mumble jumble. I really can' t read it now, maybe some other day when I can reedit and put tabs on. Not insulting you, but... it is really hard to enjoy a messy stuff like that.
---END QUOTATION---


Ya, know exactly what you mean. I wrote the story in Word, but when I posted it here, the tabs (or italics for that matter) didn't copy over. I couldnt figure out how to tab things in (pushing tab just selects another link on the screen) without repeatedly pushing space, which I didn't have time for then. Too bad I can't edit it now...

Btw, Ian C, Thanks for the resource on Brit sayings!
  14:33:11  30 April 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
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On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
If you amended 'smartass' to 'smartarse' ( pretty much what has been done entirely over here with the U.S orig 'ass' so....'arsehole' for example ) then you'd be pretty safe.

Hoodlum sounds a bit like something a retired Military Colonel complete with handlebar moustache might come up with, not sure about that one.

So yeah, stuff like 'smartarse prick' is pretty safe.

What a great discussion this is.
  14:23:29  30 April 2004
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Chode
Token Weird Guy
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On forum: 12/30/2003
 

Message edited by:
Chode
04/30/2004 14:25:55
Messages: 381
Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.

Smartass is pretty english, though "tosser" or "tosspot" is a good Brit equivalent....

As for punk, hoodlum is a good one.

Add in a "wanker" or two, and you're right.....maybe even one or two "mongrels" or "pricks".

These come from my own head.....I love been Australian.
  05:59:30  30 April 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
oh man, this is mumble jumble. I really can' t read it now, maybe some other day when I can reedit and put tabs on. Not insulting you, but... it is really hard to enjoy a messy stuff like that.
  21:37:08  29 April 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
For quite a good guide on British slang, try this site - http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/

Try to avoid the ones labelled 'orig U.S' though, as they don't find much use now outside the 1980s or young teenies trying to be painfully hip.
  02:17:27  28 April 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
04/28/2004 2:21:37
Messages: 29
Thanks for comments!

Thanks you very much for taking the time for reading! I completely agree about the abrupt ending. I had originally planned it to be much longer, but I was only at the Blind Dog part the night of Sunday the 25th (Day before contest end), so I had to end it quickly unfortunatly. I am just glad I managed to end it (sort of)!


---QUOTATION---
Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.
---END QUOTATION---


Looking back, I can completely understand that. Unforutnately I'm Canadian, and Don't know much about British lingo. That would be soemthign I shoulda researched more

Thanks for the compliments of the characters. I was very happy how it turned out. And as for the casual style of writing, I just picked that up recently, and I quite enjoy it as well. I was heavily influenced by American Author Neal Stephenson. I recommend his books (particularily SNOW CRASH and CRYPTONOMICON) with all my heart. They are excellent.

Franz
  18:45:05  27 April 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
Very good indeed! There are a few grammatical issues, mis-spellings and the like, but none of that really impacts what you've achieved here. I love the easy, almost casual pace of the whole thing, and you have a valuable ability to structure your characters in such a way that the reader becomes attached to them ( I felt myself warming to the Professor just as his escort Stalker did ).

I can only hope you write some more, as this feels like just part of a larger piece ( perhaps that was your intention, a number of writers on the site wanted to create 'snapshots' of tales as opposed to tales in their entirety ), but apart from the slightly abrupt ending this is great work.

Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.
  01:36:05  27 April 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
Did I submit my story correctly? Here it is.

Hello!
I just sent my story in recently, but I couldn't figure out how, so I sust sent it to the webmaster's and email. Did I send it to the right place? I sent it as a Word Doc. attachment. My story hasn't appeared on the site either, but I guess I should be patient.

Well, being a young writer, I was kinda wondering what other people thought of my story. Please take the time to read it (Sorry for the length). I welcome any constructive critizim. Thanks! I named it A Piece of the Puzzle

//****** START *** // Btw, I guess italics don't show up here huh? Ah well.
 
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