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Did I submit my story correctly? Here it is.

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  14:23:29  30 April 2004
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Chode
Token Weird Guy
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 12/30/2003
 

Message edited by:
Chode
04/30/2004 14:25:55
Messages: 381
Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.

Smartass is pretty english, though "tosser" or "tosspot" is a good Brit equivalent....

As for punk, hoodlum is a good one.

Add in a "wanker" or two, and you're right.....maybe even one or two "mongrels" or "pricks".

These come from my own head.....I love been Australian.
  05:59:30  30 April 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
oh man, this is mumble jumble. I really can' t read it now, maybe some other day when I can reedit and put tabs on. Not insulting you, but... it is really hard to enjoy a messy stuff like that.
  21:37:08  29 April 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
For quite a good guide on British slang, try this site - http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/

Try to avoid the ones labelled 'orig U.S' though, as they don't find much use now outside the 1980s or young teenies trying to be painfully hip.
  02:17:27  28 April 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
 

Message edited by:
FranzInc
04/28/2004 2:21:37
Messages: 29
Thanks for comments!

Thanks you very much for taking the time for reading! I completely agree about the abrupt ending. I had originally planned it to be much longer, but I was only at the Blind Dog part the night of Sunday the 25th (Day before contest end), so I had to end it quickly unfortunatly. I am just glad I managed to end it (sort of)!


---QUOTATION---
Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.
---END QUOTATION---


Looking back, I can completely understand that. Unforutnately I'm Canadian, and Don't know much about British lingo. That would be soemthign I shoulda researched more

Thanks for the compliments of the characters. I was very happy how it turned out. And as for the casual style of writing, I just picked that up recently, and I quite enjoy it as well. I was heavily influenced by American Author Neal Stephenson. I recommend his books (particularily SNOW CRASH and CRYPTONOMICON) with all my heart. They are excellent.

Franz
  18:45:05  27 April 2004
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
Very good indeed! There are a few grammatical issues, mis-spellings and the like, but none of that really impacts what you've achieved here. I love the easy, almost casual pace of the whole thing, and you have a valuable ability to structure your characters in such a way that the reader becomes attached to them ( I felt myself warming to the Professor just as his escort Stalker did ).

I can only hope you write some more, as this feels like just part of a larger piece ( perhaps that was your intention, a number of writers on the site wanted to create 'snapshots' of tales as opposed to tales in their entirety ), but apart from the slightly abrupt ending this is great work.

Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.
  01:36:05  27 April 2004
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FranzInc
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
Did I submit my story correctly? Here it is.

Hello!
I just sent my story in recently, but I couldn't figure out how, so I sust sent it to the webmaster's and email. Did I send it to the right place? I sent it as a Word Doc. attachment. My story hasn't appeared on the site either, but I guess I should be patient.

Well, being a young writer, I was kinda wondering what other people thought of my story. Please take the time to read it (Sorry for the length). I welcome any constructive critizim. Thanks! I named it A Piece of the Puzzle

//****** START *** // Btw, I guess italics don't show up here huh? Ah well.
 
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