 01:36:05 27 April 2004 |
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FranzInc
(Novice)
On forum: 04/27/2004
Messages: 29
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Did I submit my story correctly? Here it is.
Hello!
I just sent my story in recently, but I couldn't figure out how, so I sust sent it to the webmaster's and email. Did I send it to the right place? I sent it as a Word Doc. attachment. My story hasn't appeared on the site either, but I guess I should be patient.
Well, being a young writer, I was kinda wondering what other people thought of my story. Please take the time to read it (Sorry for the length). I welcome any constructive critizim. Thanks! I named it A Piece of the Puzzle
//****** START *** // Btw, I guess italics don't show up here huh? Ah well.
---- // Franz ----
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| 18:45:05 27 April 2004 |
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273
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Very good indeed! There are a few grammatical issues, mis-spellings and the like, but none of that really impacts what you've achieved here. I love the easy, almost casual pace of the whole thing, and you have a valuable ability to structure your characters in such a way that the reader becomes attached to them ( I felt myself warming to the Professor just as his escort Stalker did ).
I can only hope you write some more, as this feels like just part of a larger piece ( perhaps that was your intention, a number of writers on the site wanted to create 'snapshots' of tales as opposed to tales in their entirety ), but apart from the slightly abrupt ending this is great work.
Oh yeah, there are one or two issues with 'tone', such as the Brit using words like 'Smartass' and 'punk' which feel more American in nature, but those could be easily ammended.
"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork."
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| 05:59:30 30 April 2004 |
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
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oh man, this is mumble jumble. I really can' t read it now, maybe some other day when I can reedit and put tabs on. Not insulting you, but... it is really hard to enjoy a messy stuff like that.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
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| 08:29:07 13 May 2004 |
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
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Hey, Franz, your work got posted! I think I can read them soon enough and give you a comment. And Congrats, you made it into the contest.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
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