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Obsidian: Day 4

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  16:07:02  19 April 2004
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GrislySilence
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On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
Obsidian: Day 4

Day 4 has arrived.



Day 4


Silence. He awoke to silence. No trees creaked against the pull of the wind. The grass was still. No sounds came from afar. A hush had settled over everything, as if nothing dared to break the silence. He listened intently. Still nothing. He settled back. It was almost peaceful. It was as if everything had signed a peace treaty. A cease fire.

Mihail frowned. He didn
  20:42:57  19 April 2004
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Amoki
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On forum: 07/31/2003
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Guess this is the end, huh?? Sort of give me the "Too fast, too soon" feeling- not enough betrayal to mark Mihail's other friend was a traitor, because from the beginning you had marked them as loyal to each other during crisis... that is, before the plot exploded. Maybe there should be something to mark the sign of betrayal from the start of part 4, I think. And to add that Mihail didn't die in his sleep... if it would me, I would have trusted the guy... and got myself shot of course .
  21:04:43  19 April 2004
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GrislySilence
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On forum: 10/06/2003
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I guess it did seem to end, as abrubtly as I wrote it. However, it is not over. I think there are going to be 3 days left. But I've already got them mostly written (I had originally a different structure that started from the end), so I should be able to get them done pretty fast.

I was wondering if I needed a bit more on the betrayal part, but I wanted to make sure. I'll work on that today, hopefully have some more added in the beginning. Thanks for the tip.

Oh yeah, and i might not be able to actually finish the series before the 26th (if we're allowed to submit up to that date, I believe there was some debate over that), because I just thought of a story idea (shorter) that I like a lot more and definitely want done for the contest. After that, I'll return to the series and try to get it done.
  07:19:40  20 April 2004
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Amoki
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On forum: 07/31/2003
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the race is on! I'm typing one too for the contest. Hope I'm in time.
  07:22:53  20 April 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
I guess it did seem to end, as abrubtly as I wrote it. However, it is not over. I think there are going to be 3 days left. But I've already got them mostly written (I had originally a different structure that started from the end), so I should be able to get them done pretty fast.

I was wondering if I needed a bit more on the betrayal part, but I wanted to make sure. I'll work on that today, hopefully have some more added in the beginning. Thanks for the tip.

Oh yeah, and i might not be able to actually finish the series before the 26th (if we're allowed to submit up to that date, I believe there was some debate over that), because I just thought of a story idea (shorter) that I like a lot more and definitely want done for the contest. After that, I'll return to the series and try to get it done.
---END QUOTATION---



Get a second opinion, but I recommend something to polish up the betrayal part.
  07:27:32  20 April 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Wait... what you mean the 's' guy isn't dead? . Oh man... looks like the story just took on a joy ride.
  19:32:18  20 April 2004
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GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
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On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168

---QUOTATION---
Wait... what you mean the 's' guy isn't dead? . Oh man... looks like the story just took on a joy ride.
---END QUOTATION---



You mean Svyatoslav? Didn't say that he wasn't dead. All I said was that it hadn't ended yet...
  22:37:20  13 June 2004
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GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
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On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
Here's my new updated version of Day 4. Amoki, if you have already started editing the old version for the contest, I only changed stuff up to when Svyatoslav and Mihail reach the clearing.


Silence. He awoke to silence. No trees creaked against the pull of the wind. The grass was still. No sounds came from afar. A hush had settled over everything, as if nothing dared to break the silence. He listened intently. Still nothing. He settled back. It was almost peaceful. It was as if everything had signed a peace treaty. A cease fire.

Mihail frowned. He didn
 
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