 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
 20:42:57 19 April 2004 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
Guess this is the end, huh?? Sort of give me the "Too fast, too soon" feeling- not enough betrayal to mark Mihail's other friend was a traitor, because from the beginning you had marked them as loyal to each other during crisis... that is, before the plot exploded. Maybe there should be something to mark the sign of betrayal from the start of part 4, I think. And to add that Mihail didn't die in his sleep... if it would me, I would have trusted the guy... and got myself shot of course  . 
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 21:04:43 19 April 2004 |
|
GrislySilence
Fanfic Reviewer
(Resident)
On forum: 10/06/2003
Messages: 168
|
I guess it did seem to end, as abrubtly as I wrote it. However, it is not over. I think there are going to be 3 days left. But I've already got them mostly written (I had originally a different structure that started from the end), so I should be able to get them done pretty fast.
I was wondering if I needed a bit more on the betrayal part, but I wanted to make sure. I'll work on that today, hopefully have some more added in the beginning. Thanks for the tip.
Oh yeah, and i might not be able to actually finish the series before the 26th (if we're allowed to submit up to that date, I believe there was some debate over that), because I just thought of a story idea (shorter) that I like a lot more and definitely want done for the contest. After that, I'll return to the series and try to get it done.
If the Boss says the passing crow is white, you must agree. --Yakuza saying
|
| 07:22:53 20 April 2004 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
---QUOTATION---
I guess it did seem to end, as abrubtly as I wrote it. However, it is not over. I think there are going to be 3 days left. But I've already got them mostly written (I had originally a different structure that started from the end), so I should be able to get them done pretty fast.
I was wondering if I needed a bit more on the betrayal part, but I wanted to make sure. I'll work on that today, hopefully have some more added in the beginning. Thanks for the tip.
Oh yeah, and i might not be able to actually finish the series before the 26th (if we're allowed to submit up to that date, I believe there was some debate over that), because I just thought of a story idea (shorter) that I like a lot more and definitely want done for the contest. After that, I'll return to the series and try to get it done.
---END QUOTATION---
Get a second opinion, but I recommend something to polish up the betrayal part.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
|
1 | All Messages |
| |
|
| |
| » » |
| |
All short dates are in Month-Day-Year format. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
