ProjectsWhat's NewDownloadsCommunitySupportCompany
Forum Index » S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl Forum » Stalker stories
No escape

Posted by/on
Question/AnswerMake Newest Up Sort by Descending
  03:42:55  30 March 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Ach
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/30/2004
Messages: 3
No escape

The Stalker stood in the field and looked out at the ghastly landscape. In his right hand he held a cigarette, which he puffed on quietly, relieving it every few seconds. Even then, he held it above waist level, mindful of the tall, lifeless weeds that brushed against his jacket.
The crescendo of screams and gunfire reached its apex as the door to the underground power station flung open, and a fast, startled figure fell backwards onto the ground. The Stalker knew what was going on. The man had been running up the stairs, his back to the doorway, firing in vain at his unseen assailant, completely oblivious to the fact that the door was already shut. The collision had disoriented him, and now he was on his back, his gun lying several feet away from, and no other legitimate means by which to defend himself.
The man reached for his gun, and seeing that it was out of his reach, tried to throw himself towards it with all his might, but it was to no avail. The mutant leaped onto him and began to feast on his flesh. The man cried out in agony as torrents of blood spewed out in all directions, covering his face and leaving a dreadful taste in his open mouth.
The Stalker watched these events unfold with total indifference. He could have readied the Kalashnikov slung over his shoulder, killed the mutant and possibly saved the man
  15:18:06  11 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Ach
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/30/2004
Messages: 3
So? Any feedback?

Is the voting going to be extended like the deadline apparently was or am I just SOL?
  04:58:12  12 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
So? Any feedback?

Is the voting going to be extended like the deadline apparently was or am I just SOL?
---END QUOTATION---



Looks like I forget about your story... anyway, the things looked pretty disorganize, so I might as well convert for my PDA. I would try to read it, but from the last paragraph that you write, your writing got style. But let time be the judge of that.

Don't worry about the voting mate, it is not counted as GSC is reading it themselves- they said it in this forum after all.

P.S - Claws, can you ask Pepsi to post a sticky thread about GSC not using the voting system anymore? It is prettu hard to explain this to everybody.
  11:55:07  14 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
04/14/2004 11:57:13
Messages: 1729
Okay, I read through your story.

It is a very well-written story, I must say. Your grip of the language is superior, and the way you write is amazing. No doubt you must be a top-scoring student in English in your class, if you're still in high school, that is. Also, you have VERY clear description of your stalker's surrounding and his action. This is a very strong help to make your story good.

But while your style was good,it is no enough.

1) It is not a very wise move to use a no-name-face stalker in this writing. Everyone had personality. Everyone had dark passes. Everyone had reasons to come to the Zone. No one is just a no-name guy without character. But it is odd, again, to encounter a case like you. Most of the time people who forget to put name is synanomous to not to put down lots of feeling and thought, but your case is, like I already hinted, peculiar.
2) Also, it is not that good (for me, bear in mind) to have a psycho-personality stalker. No one necessary have to kill to survive, and like how you write, your stalker kills to survive by scavenging. But to Armando's case, it is different as 'the stalker' was your main character. But chop of someone's finger to mark a kill? Com'on. Another psycho personality to me. Normally for me, I would be looking for more 'normal' character, like, say, Lukin and Abrams for the difference, john from The inhuman condition, Daniel Gillian for "Prey of One" , or even 'I" in me and my AK.

But whilst you have these problem, it didn't stop me from being impressed by your piece. You can easily score a 7 or 8 if it is in the contest. Good job. (Bear in mind there is no prefect story.) : )
  16:52:50  14 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Kristophan
(Senior)
 
On forum: 12/10/2003
Messages: 120
I'd agree with 'the butcher', you certainly have style in your writing.

I only really had one beef with your story - The opening. I think you should either remove/replace it, or, preferably, develop it. Something as simple as saying that your stalker waits for the mutant to finish its meal before going back to try loot the corpse. I kept thinking about what relevance it had while I was readin most of the story.
Or am I missing something?

I liked the fact that your stalker was scum. I think it's a nice angle.
He could quite easily be a nice guy back home, and the zone has made him what he is, or he could well be a right 'fatherless child' all the time. Either way it's good.
  23:45:17  14 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
I'd agree with 'the butcher', you certainly have style in your writing.

I only really had one beef with your story - The opening. I think you should either remove/replace it, or, preferably, develop it. Something as simple as saying that your stalker waits for the mutant to finish its meal before going back to try loot the corpse. I kept thinking about what relevance it had while I was readin most of the story.
Or am I missing something?

I liked the fact that your stalker was scum. I think it's a nice angle.
He could quite easily be a nice guy back home, and the zone has made him what he is, or he could well be a right 'fatherless child' all the time. Either way it's good.

---END QUOTATION---



If I am this writer, I can easily do him as a character with a dark past back at home.
  01:06:28  15 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Ach
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/30/2004
Messages: 3
Thanks for the feedback guys.

I chose to keep the details of the Stalker's persona and history blurred because the focus of the story was on the Zone itself, and the demoralizing effect it can have on a man. This is why the main character has no name, but all of his actions and his surroundings are described in such vivid detail.

Looking the story over again, I can see that the beginning doesn't necessarily fit with the rest, and could be expanded on a bit. Editing now would be kind of pointless though, since I have already submitted it.

The new update says that the new stories will be posted. Whether or not that includes mine remains to be seen. I am not even a dedicated writer at all, this is the first time I have written a story in a very long time. I would like to get as much feedback as possible.
  03:15:39  15 April 2004
profilee-mailreply Message URLTo the Top
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for the feedback guys.

I chose to keep the details of the Stalker's persona and history blurred because the focus of the story was on the Zone itself, and the demoralizing effect it can have on a man. This is why the main character has no name, but all of his actions and his surroundings are described in such vivid detail.

Looking the story over again, I can see that the beginning doesn't necessarily fit with the rest, and could be expanded on a bit. Editing now would be kind of pointless though, since I have already submitted it.

The new update says that the new stories will be posted. Whether or not that includes mine remains to be seen. I am not even a dedicated writer at all, this is the first time I have written a story in a very long time. I would like to get as much feedback as possible.
---END QUOTATION---



Actually, you can. email to atem (check the profile) and sent your ammended copy.

Well, I see your reason, but I still have to stay on my ground that that is not a wise move. For one, you avoided readers to go deep into your guy. At least give him a little history- he kill before he came to The Zone or the like...
 
Each word should be at least 3 characters long.
Search:    
Search conditions:    - spaces as AND    - spaces as OR   
 
Forum Index » S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl Forum » Stalker stories
 

All short dates are in Month-Day-Year format.


 

Copyright © 1995-2021 GSC Game World. All rights reserved.
This site is best viewed in Internet Explorer 4.xx and up and Javascript enabled. Webmaster.
Opera Software products are not supported.
If any problem concerning the site functioning under Opera Software appears apply
to Opera Software technical support service.