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Crystalline Siblings

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  05:27:30  19 March 2004
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UltimaGecko
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On forum: 01/28/2004
 

Message edited by:
UltimaGecko
03/19/2004 6:55:09
Messages: 154
Just to repoint it out: the story was going to be much longer, but no one seems to want to read a 60 page story (which is why I cut out the dream sequences) - the actual part that is completely typed out is actually the introduction to the main plot and a character introduction.

(the next part of the plot would be hospital assistance for Alina and Sergey, rumors from the zone border station, and the selling of the artifact - which something I'm really mad at myself for at the moment, because I should have included the part of selling it in the submitted paper).

As for the original 'Crystalline Siblings' title, you kind of find that out in the last part of my story, which I assume I have no point in writing anymore (still all noted down though..heh). So I had to rename it - I understand reliable siblings is a retarded name, but I can't have Crystalline Siblings and nothing there to explain it.


Pffft, I just wish more than 4 people read 20 page stories. :

[edit] if you wanted the next part of the story, which includes a bar rumor thing - which is a tiny story in-itself - I can post that here if you want (although I imagine reading on a PDA is...sortof hard).

[edit2] reading over it again, there are some plot points that did get slightly adjusted in the edited version.

[edit3] I know, lots of edits, eh? Except I think I sent in the wrong version, I might have sent in a slightly older version...oh well, not like my writings going to win awards anyway .
  10:56:11  19 March 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Just to repoint it out: the story was going to be much longer, but no one seems to want to read a 60 page story (which is why I cut out the dream sequences) - the actual part that is completely typed out is actually the introduction to the main plot and a character introduction.

(the next part of the plot would be hospital assistance for Alina and Sergey, rumors from the zone border station, and the selling of the artifact - which something I'm really mad at myself for at the moment, because I should have included the part of selling it in the submitted paper).

As for the original 'Crystalline Siblings' title, you kind of find that out in the last part of my story, which I assume I have no point in writing anymore (still all noted down though..heh). So I had to rename it - I understand reliable siblings is a retarded name, but I can't have Crystalline Siblings and nothing there to explain it.


Pffft, I just wish more than 4 people read 20 page stories. :

[edit] if you wanted the next part of the story, which includes a bar rumor thing - which is a tiny story in-itself - I can post that here if you want (although I imagine reading on a PDA is...sortof hard).

[edit2] reading over it again, there are some plot points that did get slightly adjusted in the edited version.

[edit3] I know, lots of edits, eh? Except I think I sent in the wrong version, I might have sent in a slightly older version...oh well, not like my writings going to win awards anyway .
---END QUOTATION---



Kid, (pun intended) I've written and typed more thing then anyone here. Tell me about someone not reading your work. The total pages of things I have written? Let me try to recall from memory. 31 42 52 14 10 18 20 23 32 = around 280pages of work. Despite so... let's say I am determined to give any work my fair share of reading, but since your not in time to submit them, don't worry too much about it. My point is that the story seem crippled in its current state, and to be honest, I don't think you havethe energy to continue that far. Despite so... I must congratulate you for 'thinking outside the box'- you manage to doa far more better job. If you had started one year earlier, you might have ended up being One of the Big Things (or stories) that I have been waiting for.

By the way, 14 10 18 20 23 32 belongs to my story posted in the forum- the Prey of One, Predator of another series. The one you would be seeing (if you did) would be the uncondensed version, and my, its a lot, that sometimes when I reread it (why, I think I already reread it like 7 times, starting to get bored ) it did felt like a drag to an archivement. But that's what happen when you intended to try to put everything in perspective and spelled it out to the reader. To put in quality, length have to suffice, unless you are a great storyteller like Midnight Rambler AND especially Ian_C, and I am not bragging. Their stories are the ones which are really good for me. But hope mine wins.

P.S- the one I am talking about is paperback- the books I am reading mostly are from the library. My school is like a 25-minute walk from home, so it coudl be quite a drag, especially when you have to walk in leather shoes.

P.S 2- No, its not kind of hard to read on MINE PDA. Mine is a Sony Clie NX80V, a costly 'toy' which so fars is everything I need save for a phone. I use a program call Mobipocket to read which I can use my big screen to adjust to fonts suitable for my reading, so don't worry about me reading from there- program conversation only tak about less then 5 minutes at the most.

P.S 3- my, oh, my, I am currently doing my tenth work- its call "Home to stay", something to kill time and not intended for the competition. Add the Page list to around 290. hehheh
  11:03:32  19 March 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
oh yeah, before I forget- there's a way to correct your problem. Because we don't have the faintest idea whether :1) GSC receive them 2) GSC delete them directly from inbox 3) GSC pretends to receive them and delete them while screaming "Serve 'im right!" and 4) GSC haven't open their mail at all, this is the best suggestion I can give you so far

1) Mail them using the official address, titled Ammendments to (title)
2) write a polite letter and tell them briefly about your situation (while threatenign to not to buy their game if they don't respond. haha, me and my sense of humor )
3) Ask them to delete their version of your files, and replace them with your new ones
4) thank them, and tell them have a nice day, because they are not while frantically trying to desgin the game

Do not complicate the process. Bear in mind that you are way late for the contest, and that they are busy people. Keep things as brief as possible, and make sure the process is like "delete, transfer, done." Of course, we have no way of knowing if theyt have to translate them or something.
  11:06:14  19 March 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
BTW, 20 pages means nothing to me. I read the whole Left Behind series (11 books, waiting for the grand finale) and around 4 Clancy e-books from my PDA almost all the contest stories.
  23:00:35  22 April 2004
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UltimaGecko
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On forum: 01/28/2004
 

Message edited by:
UltimaGecko
04/22/2004 23:02:55
Messages: 154
Crystalline Siblings: A Moment of Peace

Gotta pump out around another 15 pages (if all goes according to my plan) by the 26th. Should work out, I'll send it out Sunday night if I can, to be sure (although there is that whole timezone thing...).

amoki's probably the only one that might read it, but hey, if I've got more of the story, I should post it in my thread, right? Few questions, for people, for realistic writing:

What monetary unit is used within the zone area, Russia uses the rouble (ruble, if you want), but as far as I know, Ukraine uses the hyrvnia...but I've not seen a story that uses it...it's always roubles. So...yea, which one should I be using here?

Note that some parts from the above story parts has been minorly changed/deleted (especially the corny ending, which was there only to end it, and was poorly done - I apologize ).

Feel free to respond (everyone's probably busy writing, ):

[part from Crystalline Siblings: Reliable Siblings Part 4]
She was shaken. Her body was rocking back and forth. The light was bright, she squinted. Her eyes adjusted, and then she felt the throbbing in her leg and groaned.
Sergey tapped Erwin,
  06:22:39  23 April 2004
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
I'm flattered to know that people do think that I read their work

Yup- it's still good. But DO MAIL TO ATEM (see his profile and get address) AND ASK HIM WHETHER IT IS STILL GOOD TO MAIL! I put this in Caps because it is very, very important. You might not want to see you after typing all the things and got rejected because atem is hnot taking in things anymore. Whi;e you do this, please ask for the sake of 1) me (yes, I am still sweating one I called my own. Well, not exactly, the tenth of my own ) 2) Ian C 3) Grisly Silence and 4) some other guys who are still doing it.

After you get the reply, it is very imperative you sent the reply to us. As GSC's PR is very, very good, don't worry about your email being received. But do ask Atem to post a reply at the forum- tell him a lot of people in the forum is waiting for the answer.

P.S- According to my PDA, it is 9.02am in Kiev now- theoritically Atem is opening his mailbox now. I might as well sent it myself.
  21:27:36  26 April 2004
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UltimaGecko
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 01/28/2004
Messages: 154
Crystalline Siblings: Quick Recoveries

I mailed a pretty much finished copy of the story to Atem at 4 AM today (April 26th), it stands to reason that it wont get there in time ( ~12 hour time zone delay) if they were even accepting stories anymore. Didn't send info about anyone else, since I figured you'd have done it yourself by now (and it'd be a bit late to report it anyway).

The end of the story was written in about 8 hours (the part I'm posting here was done a while ago). The detail and intricacy found in earlier parts is lacking a little bit (I think the story moves a little to fast with to little action at the very end, but it was 1 AM, and my roommate had to sleep and a bunch of other stuff, and I just hope it would be acceptable to anyone that reads it...so, whatever .

So, the next part (jumps pretty quickly, but I think it works fairly well).
[it's also probably the shortest 'chapter' except for the ending (maybe)]


Crystalline Siblings: Quick Recoveries

Sergey took the 700 roubles, and handed the dark reddish orb to the scientist.
  21:35:50  26 April 2004
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UltimaGecko
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 01/28/2004
 

Message edited by:
UltimaGecko
04/26/2004 21:36:45
Messages: 154
Crystalline Siblings: "I know the place"

(comes after 'Quick Recoveries')

This is a point that I'm really not sure about. It seems to move too quickly with too few details. (despite the fact I've already handed the story in, and it might not make it in time - I'd like a critical area of this to the end of the story most; since I'm not exceptionally pleased with it myself)

There are a couple cool spots (I think so anyway). Not much character development anymore either (a little, no dreams or other cool things though - although there would have been if I had one more day - but that's okay anyway, what's done is done )


Crystalline Siblings:
 
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