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Blinded, a new story by me

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  15:30:10  9 November 2005
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Wells_99
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/04/2005
Messages: 5
You did get carried away. never mind though, it happens to the best of us.

Yeah, Dan's reaction is wierd, but I thought maybe he could go mad with fear somehow. I'm not a psychologist, and I'm sixteen, so I don't have much knowledge of that.
Dan's carrying an MP5 because he has been employed by a security agency, as will be revealed later. I've said that now because I thought that needs clarifying.
Also, the MP5 is one of the few weapon I know about, being young and only having learnt about guns in PC games. It's just that in Raven Shield, your squad is an elite force and it uses MP5s, and so does the british armed police (I think), which shamefully we've seen a lot of lately. those are my reasons. doubtless, later on Dan will pick up something more conventional, such as the classic AK47.
Thanks for the comments though, I would post my next bit of the story but I'm currently typing this reply in my ICT lesson. It will on here in about four hours.
  11:03:49  9 November 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
11/09/2005 11:06:50
Messages: 1729
There's nothing wrong with patronising England, I'm from a British Commonwealth myself (Malaysia), living in a British Colonial at the moment (New Zealand.) The symbol for the English forum in this forum is the Union Jack... see how people patronise England? Rule Britannia! En Fuhrer! En Hitler! En... (Got a bit carried away now )

Anyway, on your second "post" : I do find certain reaction of Dan queer. No one, in their right mind, would be bothered to take people down when they know they're gonna die, except for Jihad bastards in Iraq, let alone mutants. So Dan's reaction is rather... illogical.

It's also about time you commit to your character, start thinking about "what does he do in The Zone?" The Zone, from the sound of it, is a pretty scarry face. If he wants adventure, he would have joined the British Army. So that'll give you something to think about.

Also, it's queer how someone could perfer an MP5 (9mm) over any Russian weapon utilizing 7.62mm ammunition. MP5 isn't that powerful at all, albeit low recoil and high reliability. To add that "The Zone" is in Ukraine, MP5 will be a rarity in any CIS country! (MP5 is almost rare in the international arms market as well, HK controls sales of MP5 very tight - only those stolen from legitimate organization such as the police and the military are sold in the black market, and only the MP5K is sold to civilians... but that's beyond you anyway )

Anyway, still looking.
  21:47:34  8 November 2005
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Wells_99
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/04/2005
Messages: 5
Oops, just forgot to say thanks to Amoki for the introduction to the forum. Your tips on writing really are great, I wish i had read them before I started writing my stuff. Cheers!
  21:44:59  8 November 2005
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Wells_99
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/04/2005
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
11/09/2005 11:05:06
Messages: 5
Here's the next part
And thats Sheffield in England. I had heard there was one in America and just wanted that straight. I'm from there. I don't quite know why I put that, It's not like a have a lot of national pride. If I'm being patronising, sincere apologies all round.

Enjoy!

The van lurched like a wounded beast and the full sound of the howls and the storm broke in from outside, the creatures were hurling themselves at vehicle, smashing it about and sending Dan flying about inside. His laughter became a hysterical shout of fear, and he groaned out loud,

“Oh God, oh God!” his voice sounding alien and changed, a far cry from his normal soft tones, it was ragged and desperate, an edge of blind panic in it. The window to his left smashed, showering Dan with a hail of glass, as if it was trying to replicate the storm outside and pound him to death. A pair of horrifying eyes blazed at Dan for a second before they were lost in a whirlwind of snapping jaws and matted fur.

Dan felt hate now, a hate far stronger than any other emotion in his head, filling him and swirling round his skull, flowing down his veins and making him almost shake with anger. These disgusting creatures had thought to kill him, to strip the flesh from his body as easily as they had stripped the courage from his soul, and Dan felt sick about himself. He had screamed and moaned and made no attempt to fight back. He was nothing more than a feeble coward. Underneath it all, the still functioning part of Dan’s psyche desperately told him that his self-hate was stupid, that he had ran to save his life and that there was nothing wrong with that, but Dan ignored his mind and accepted his fate, he would die, maybe, but he would take some of these bastards with him.

Turning towards the door, Dan levelled his MP5 and pulled back on the trigger. Muzzle flash illuminated the cabin, framing Dan’s stubbled face with a yellow tinged light, and as the deafening reports of the gun were released they were met by Dan’s roar of pure defiance and anger. The bullets tore through the van's door and pulped the flesh of whatever was beyond, eviscerating the creature as easily as if a chainsaw had been rammed into it’s body. Blood sprayed the van with a fresh coat of red, updating its shabby, peeling paint to a horribly real shade of maroon. The creature fell back and Dan saw another shadow outside the door, perhaps ten feet from him. Aiming, he pumped the shadow full of rounds and snarled with satisfaction when it dropped, a bestial sound that matched the mutants outside. With a moment of savage glee, Dan remembered the fragmentation grenade at his belt, and so his held the MP5 with his left hand and tugged the grenade free. He then ripped the ring out of the pineapple shaped explosive and lobbed it, and the grenade, outside. Then he rolled up, tucking his body into the foetal position like a child in a cold bed.

The explosion made a shockwave that battered Dan’s body, as in his weakened state he had only managed to throw his grenade a few feet before it had hit the ground. Luckily, it had rolled around to the side of the van, or Dan would have been shredded by shrapnel, his inside pulped by the blast. As it was, some of the mutated animals were taken out, as he could only hear one outside, it’s feet rustling leaves and it’s mouth emitting low snarls.

Dan knew he shouldn't but he didn’t care. Driven by an overwhelming desire to slake his thirst for killing, he leapt out of the van and looked around for his final foe. There was nothing there.

But Dan could hear the snuffling, almost sense the present of what was now his prey. It seemed to be in front of him, but it was dark and there was no light but the lightning, that was not presently deigning itself to strike. Seconds passed, still nothing happened, just the noises.

Flash.

And there it was, no more than a pace away, a hulking creature, like a wolf, but hideously reshaped, muscles rippling under it’s grey fur. The thing was definitely huge, and definitely a match for Dan.

Except Dan was pointing his MP5 right at the things skull. He was about to fire when he noticed some thing.

The creature hadn’t attacked. It was just sitting there, waiting for fate. Or was it? Because in those black eyes Dan could see the smugness of an animal that knows that his side will win whatever happened.

Dan was already half turned to his right when another of the mutated beasts leaped at him from that direction. The MP5 barked, the result of Dan’s reflex jerk on the trigger. It blew the first animal’s skull into a cloud of blood, bone and brain. The second animal was almost at Dan throat when it left it’s lower legs behind it. The boom of another weapon filled the night, a shotgun of some sort. Dan didn’t see who the gun belonged to though, because at that moment the fore-quarters of the mutant smashed into his torso and knocked him against the van. Dan’s head whipped against something solid and there was a second of blinding pain, then nothing.
  02:07:44  8 November 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Hey mate, on behalf of GSC, I welcome you to the contest.

Can't really put out any comment yet, but you're up to an interesting start. After all, it's not every day you hear about a giddy ol' lad from Sheffield paying a visit to The Zone
  21:17:45  7 November 2005
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Wells_99
(Novice)
 
On forum: 11/04/2005
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
11/08/2005 2:05:41
Messages: 5
Blinded, a new story by me

This story was written becasue i loved the background to stalker and really thought it would be a great idea for a fan fiction. This is my first ever fan fiction, and I'm new to forums so please, bear with me. It's called blinded because of something that happens later on (so, yes this will be continued)

Blinded

Rain thundered down onto the soft earth of the zone. Blasted and bent trees lent from the sky like hideous gods to rip mortals from the Earth and consume them, and all the while lightning tore down from the sky, blazing bolts of light that flash-illuminated the terrain for split-seconds before plunging all back into darkness. The sound was deafening, but the only noises Dan Robinson could hear was the frenzied tribal beat of his own heart, the rasp of his lungs as they strained for more air, and the blood-curdling howls of the huge mutated things behind him.

Dan was in good shape, but after three days with hardly any sleep, his tortured body almost refused to keep going. Even so, blind fear gave him strength and he tore through the trees, running, no, scrambling through a twisted land, as branches whipped his face and wet mud splashed in his eyes.

The howls came again, closer now, and with a disturbing triumphant ring to them, as if they already knew what Dan could not bring himself to admit, that he was dead.
Dan wouldn’t let himself give up because he knew that the human’s worst enemy was itself. A person who never gave up, who always looked for that way out, who kept going until they were dead, they could do things that others could never dream about, withstand physical and mental punishment that crushed normal men and women like insects. Dan had that grit, that need to keep going. He wasn’t especially tough, or strong, but he never ever stopped, never in his whole life.

Except maybe now.

Because Dan could almost feel the hideously powerful jaws around his neck, almost smell the foetid breath of a blood-maddened creature as it stared into your face from six inches away. The pack on his back weighed as much as the Earth, the MP5 sub-machine gun in his hands a huge piece of steel that dragged him down. Dan pushed the thoughts from his mind and struggled on, almost falling headfirst into a muddy puddle before staggering upright and onwards. Everything was just a blur, he dodged tree trunks and thorn bushes, leapt over ditches and rolled under tree trunks, and all the time they followed him, howling for his blood. Dan ran and ran, but all the time they were nearer, closer and closer, they were twenty feet, ten feet, five feet…

Then the world was gone, spinning like the kaleidoscope of a mentally disturbed child, falling away, the earth gone, there was nothing but the rain and the lightning and the loss of all will to go on, a great hole that had been emptied by just minutes of panic.
Then everything crashed back down, and Dan felt himself slam into solid ground with a crunch that shook the teeth in his head. Pain splintered his mind, and for a second Dan simply laid down in the muck and grime and prayed for it all to end.

Then he saw it.

It was nothing special, an old van, faded red, one wheel missing, rusted by the passing of years, something that was fit for nothing but the scrap heap, but for Dan it was a gift from above. Scrambling up, he limped towards the van, begged for the door to be unlocked, and then almost cried when it was and slumped inside, slamming the door behind him.

Inside, unbelievably, all was silence. The windscreen was coated was decades worth of a scummy green/brown substance, darkness flooded the cabin of the van. Darkness, silence, safety. Dan found himself laughing silently, tears of relief running down his cheeks. He wasn’t really safe, any rational man could have seen that, but Dan wasn’t rational at the moment, he was almost insane, with a cocktail of fear and relief mixed in his belly, churning him up and rendering him almost immobile. He laughed out loud now, giggling manically with the absurdity of his situation. Here he was, a security guard from Sheffield, sat in a hunk of rusted metal that was situated inside the Chernobyl exclusion zone, while giant, slavering, mutated dogs pranced around inside, their only desire to devour him. What the fuck was this?
 
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