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Weird Stories in the Zone - [By you us!]

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  22:34:55  17 June 2005
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92FS_Man
(Senior)
 
On forum: 06/15/2005
 

Message edited by:
92FS_Man
06/18/2005 1:19:47
Messages: 77
Explosive Escapes

During one particularly long day in the zone, a veteran stalker comes upon a strange sight...A dead Military Stalker with his rad suit removed and a strange, folded piece fo paper tucked in under his shirt.

On the note, the words "SCHFIFTYFIVE" and "WHAT YOU SAY" were written at the top of the note, below that was "....5 5 is FIFTY FIFTY FIFTY, SCHFIFTYFIVE!!!"

After thinking about it a moment, the bewildered stalker shurgged it off, and continued on into town.

Finding refuge in a somewhat secluded building with only one entrance, he unloads his days work next to a cozy looking cot he located days before during a previous expedition.

Pulling out a flask of vodka, the stalker removes the top and takes a draft.

"Yuri, you're going to be very rich soon" The stalker mutters to himself...

It is beginning to get dark out, and Yuri decides it is a good time to set up the perimeter defences around the door and windows.

Yuri takes a larger back pack, that he uses to store his defensive measures, outside. Two Claymore mines below the windows, claymores in the door way leading into his room, with tripwires strung across the door jams...He also remembered to take a few glass cups from a house near Chernobyl a week before...Those would make great boobytraps. Just pull the pin from a grenade, slide it into the cup with the spoon resting on the inside of the glass, and prop it on the top of a door; If it opens too much it falls and the spoon is allowed to move and BOOM...Alarm clock and death in one package

Yuri also puts some rubber band next to the glass, if he cant get the pins back in, he'll have to hold the spoon on with that...Might as well try and recycle the unused grenades.

Yuri then off loads the backpack he has been carrying all day next to a hatch on the floor.

Feeling confident, he checks a crawl space he found when he located the place. Enough room to store some of the more bulky weapons, he also used surplus radiation suits to line the crawl space in the event of a blow out nearby. None the less, it was quaint, even having a light to illuminate the space. He felt safe here.

Everything was there, the spare clips for his guns, all the spare weapons he had, in case he had to ditch a gun quickly or if it jammed or became to damaged to work...

Yuri thought once that if he got trapped in the space and something was waiting on the other side, he should have an escape route. So he devised a hatch that was not detectable from the outside, to open and allow him to slip away.

Also believing in leaving no trace of his existence, Yuri lined the floor on the underside with C4, plastique, and cases of thermite; all of which could fetch a pretty hefty Ruble.

Feeling content, Yuri lays down on the cot, with everything still on, and closes his eyes. Restless sleep is by far the only kind of sleep anything could get in the Zone...The cries fo Blind Dogs in the backround, howling winds, and unknown dangers everywhere; it was safe to be conscious but not all the way sleeping.

He is awoken by the rumble of a claymore discharge outside. He flips the safety on his P99 and LR300 and leans up. It is still dark out, and he cant really see anything out. Putting his hand under the cot, he pulls up a set of Thermal Goggles. Quite nice if it is dark or very smokey out. He turns it on and looks out the window.

He can't believe his eyes, he fragged four stalkers during the night! But why would they be wandering so carelessly? He thought about that for a moment, then he heard a creak from the floor outside the door, in the hallway leading into his room.

Feeling an overpowering fear, he remembers he can duck inthe crawl space and wait. He quietly goes prone and crawls to the hatch. In he goes, he closes the hatch almost completely.

After a few moments he hears the creak again, only a few meters away from the door. What ever got in, must have seen the tripwires...No doubt hearing the explosion and decided to be a little more cautious.

A faint creak from the hinges of the boobytrapped door announce his presence. Next, Yuri sees the door inch open, little by little...Until the glass with the grenade falls.

Crash...Yuri mentally counts off the fuse in his head...

The loud report of the grenade should be muffled by the hatch.

BOOM!

Yuri opens the hatch a little and can't see much as the grenade left some residual smoke in the room. Yuri remembers he has the thermals on and flips them on. He can't even believe his eyes. Zombies just standing in the next room, doing nothing. He opens the hatch and pulls in the backpack full off anomolous material he collected that day and the stash it next to him. Moments after, zombie after zombie cram into the room. He cant even count them all...A feeling of desperation sweeps over him.

He determines the course of action carefully...He could lob a few grenades up into the room, killing a few zombies...But ultimately killing himself as the rest would surely rush the space he is in.

He could also wait them out, but he has little food to wait long.

Or he could bail out and set the timer on the floor charges and run for a camoflaged car next to the building.

He picked the latter win-win situation. Well the Zombies wouldn't be winning much, but they would be set to rest, regardless.

While moving all the things he deems nessessary next to the escape hatch, he hears a grumbling voice mumble something above him.

"All....ehhhh...Your base are....muuuurghhhh.....Belong to...*gurgle*....usssssss...."

"WHAT!?!" He thinks...Why would a zombie say that? Does he know this is his base and safe house? Never, Zombies are incapable of thinking outside of a controllers mind grasp. And then it hits him, the zombie never said that, the controller said it through him.

"Shit, very nice." Yuri thought. A controller.

He reassessed the situation...The stalkers outside his window, the zombies waiting in his room...The controller. It all made sense now. He was followed by a Controller on his way to the camp, and never even knew he was getting followed. That controller must be good.

Bolting the hatch shut, he clicks in the timer delay on all the charges and synchronizes them to blow in five minutes. Time to get the fuck out of here.

Opening the escape hatch, it is beginning to get light out on the horizon. Perfect, the light will allow him to see what he is doing. The Niva he parked next to the building has a full tank of gas and some spare weapons he had, in case of an emergency...This seemed like that type of situation.

Yuri looked down at his watch; Four minutes and fourteen seconds. No time to loose.

He humped the backpack full of artifacts out and got the things he usually carried with him. He grabbed a handful of clips for his LR300 and bid his humble abode good by.

Yuri glances down once more; one minute and six seconds.

Yuri quickly tumbles out of the hatch and waits for a moment.

Fourty Five seconds left...Yuri guesses that the rate that the zombies walk, they cant get out in enough time.

Thirty Five seconds; Yuri decides its time to go. IF he couldnt be out of range by five seconds, he would get killed by the explosion. All the charges and explosives, in total were enough to level a few blocks of the city.

Yuri turns the key...the battery barely has any charge in it...urgghh...urghhh...urghhhhhh.

Great, now the battery is dead. But since he wasn't stupid, he installed a secondary battery with a selector switch. He toggles the secondary battery and turns the key.

The battery has more of a charge, and the motor fires.

"Time to get out" Yuri says aloud.

He steps on the gas navigates the street.

Glancing down, 10 seconds are left until the explosion. This is going to be close.

Yuri can only hear the blood pumping in his temple while he navigates the barren street.

9... Still got a ways to go...

8... Come on Niva, get me there...

7... Almost there....

6... ALMOST THERE

5... OH SHIT, GET ME THERE

4... Closing on a safe distance away..

3... One hundred feet

2... Seventy Five feet

1... Schfifty feet

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

The Niva rocks around as the explosion sends a shockwave into Yuri. The Niva tumbles out of control, into a building. The explosion seemes bigger than he thought, but then again he never used that much explosive for anything.

Yuri feels hurt after he crawls out of the Niva...Examining himself, nothing seems broken. Just a badcase fo whip lash and bruises.

Feeling faint, Yuri sits down beside the wreck of the Niva and closes his eyes... Time to get some sleep.
  09:47:17  18 June 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Mano, I rather have Grisly Silence or the others comment on this.
  00:55:54  20 June 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
06/20/2005 0:57:35
Messages: 1729
Oh well, guess it is up to me... and it ain't pretty:

1) cliche - lots of them. If English isn't your first language, cliche refers to immediate asumptions on certain matters that you have not researched in. First of all : C4 is a complex explosives- not easily taken care of no manufactured. and for some funny reasons your STALKER characters seems to have uncovered one find in a house. Eh? Even in the best of luck, you should be looking at Semtex - Czech-made, within the Soviet Bloc (STALKER is based in the Soviet era, alternative history). My immediate impression is that you've played too much Counter-Strike - not good for writing fan-fiction. And before I forget - someone having all that nice explosives letting it loose in the Zone? Also, why would anyone carry 2 primary weapons as a back-up? A well-cleaned and well-maintained weapon seldom jammed. And have you ever run around with an extra 3 kilos (which is about the weight of an extra primary weapon) of dead weight in your school-bag? Well, if you're in the Zone - if your survival is dependant on your speed and your speed depends on your weight, you'll try to cut off as much weight as you can.

2) You identify a military stalker by the suit they are wearing. Since the suit is removed, how do you know the dead body was a military stalker? And not eaten by any mutant?

3) You don't have a direction while you're writing this story - a lot of bang, a lot of shouts, a lot of action... but nothing worthwhile. No plot, just dumb-ass shooting action, if anything else. Yes, it's fanfiction all right, but not the type I'm singing praises of.

4) HK P99 and LR 300 happens to be very expensive weapon. May I ask why your stalker is stil staying in the Zone? Looking for a little adventure? This leads me to my next point - characterization. Your characters ain't going places, he's just a stalker with nice explosives and nice guns. No family? No background? No point of being a stalker? Being a stalker is dangerous - it's like asking you to rob a bank, every day. You tend to quit as soon as possible to keep your life.

5) Yuri = ultra-generic name. Not everyone in Russian/CIS is called Yuri. It's like having everyone in every story book you have read "John".


It's your first work, I know it. However, don't worry too much. Harsh as these comments may be, heck, everyone have to start somewhere. I've been screwed all over when I started 3 years ago. It's just that I've been reviewing amateur fan-fiction over and over and over again, gets furstrating sometimes.

However, worth commending is your spoon-off grenade-and-string as defence - nice material, haven't seen anyone within the STALKER community using it before. Kinda remind me of The Punisher (movie).

P.S - Grisly, not doing your work anymore?
  01:23:28  20 June 2005
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Fux0r666
resident smart-ass
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 06/04/2003
Messages: 1927
Amoki

I believe that this story was supposed to be silly. I do not know if the author's immediate intention was to lampoon or satire stalker and its world, or just to be silly or weird, but I think that your criticism is not constructive in that you are grading a MAD magazine as if it was War and Peace.
  03:49:40  20 June 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Amoki

I believe that this story was supposed to be silly. I do not know if the author's immediate intention was to lampoon or satire stalker and its world, or just to be silly or weird, but I think that your criticism is not constructive in that you are grading a MAD magazine as if it was War and Peace.
---END QUOTATION---



Well, you used the word "silly" yourself, not me . However, on my part I do not find any sort of evidence to suggest that the story was meant to be satire/funny at all, perhaps maybe the smiley (which happens to be the relatively few times I have ever encounted a smiley in a fanfiction ). The story has all the features that you can find in an amateur action fanfiction (and I have pointed this out) which I have encountered countless time beforehand . And it is not as if I have never seen a satirical STALKER fanfiction beforehand to not to know when I read one... but still, I'm open to suggestion or dispute from another fellow member. I may be wrong.

And yes - I might have overkill a little bit, but the other 2 alternative is to go for songs and praises, which I find overtly pretentious of course, or complete silence, which what happened in the Russian literary contest forum literally. (heh, last time I check their newest thread was made in January 2004 ). However, also notice that I haven't been brutally honest.
  05:43:27  20 June 2005
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Fux0r666
resident smart-ass
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 06/04/2003
Messages: 1927
I cannot find it now (I've been looking passively for quite some time), but he said in another thread that he was going to make a place for less serious stories. If I recall correctly, this current thread was moved from somewhere else.
  05:49:51  20 June 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
I cannot find it now (I've been looking passively for quite some time), but he said in another thread that he was going to make a place for less serious stories. If I recall correctly, this current thread was moved from somewhere else.
---END QUOTATION---



LOL, wrong guy, wrong place, wrong time.
  18:11:10  9 July 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
Messages: 7378
LOL, amoki reviewing this story seriously is like calling Scary Movie 3 an actual horror movie.
  19:05:38  9 July 2005
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Kyton
Party 24/7
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 04/24/2005
 

Message edited by:
Kyton
07/09/2005 19:15:21
Messages: 350
My turn!

The horrible day

A veteran stalker was walking down the street,when he heard something suspicious from the building nearby. He continued to investigate, only to find a group of zombies feasting on fine swiss chee...sorry... the flesh of another stalker. This situation required the stalker to use his Über1337ultramegazombiefromouterspaceninjaskillz. After leaving that horrid scene, he continued walking the streets, downtown as his destination. He was stopped again... by a cute blind dog puppy...well it was cute what was left of it,so he closed in to pet it. As his hand drew closer, he felt a warm sensation in his leg! (no! the puppy is not humping his leg!) The puppy was peeing on his leg...and it wasnt normal pee, but uranium filled pee of death! he could feel his leg slowly dissolving and he started to scream!

This scream woke the bloodsucker nearby and he was there in a minute, the stalker knew that this was the end... so he took his bottle of Pinot Noir 1867 and he drank it faster than you can say "a blind dog puppy peed on my leg!"
So, the bloodsucker was getting closer and closer and closer... until it poked him on the shoulder and let out a sound that sounded like "yOuRe It!" it seemed like the bloodsucker wanted to play with him.
The stalker was fascinated of the newfound discovery , that bloodsuckers are intelligent...until the bloodsucker said:" Me TaRzAn, YoU JaNe!" and took the stalker in his nest for...

*we interrupt this story because of too perverted material is ahead.... stand by* after escaping the grasp of the loony bloodsucker... he started crawling towards downtown. Finally he got there 5 hours later, and he found a piece of paper which said: "We had to leave! theres a massive Poison fog coming straight towards the downtown! kthxbye!" now what did we learn from this? Never... and i do mean NEVER go check out weird sounds and pet a blind dog puppy! oh yeah, it is wise to avoid nutty Bloodsuckers too! kthxbye!

Idea: Kyton
All the random shit: Kyton
Blaablaablaa: Kyton

And Amoki, dont even start! i made this story purely from my own twisted imagination!
  19:53:01  9 July 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
Messages: 7378
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what, I was writing a long-ass story and wasting a good deal of effort on it, then I accidentally hit the numlock key and erased the whole thing!!! goddammit!!!!!!!! three hours for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!11
 
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