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Fallen -DES

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  21:40:32  15 March 2005
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NRaider
(Senior)
 
On forum: 03/06/2005
Messages: 95
well Im not that guys who wrights long comments but I got 1 thing to say:

I love Your stories DES, keepem comming!!! ;D
  16:07:59  25 April 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
 

Message edited by:
Amoki
04/25/2005 20:57:00
Messages: 7378
Amoki, sorry I always confuse reviews with plot synopis , so here is the review:

I read Fallen and was intrigued by the way the life of Lukov was told, it actually made you think what you would do in situation like this [Mikhail was just asking for it ]. On some parts it just felt, I can't think of another word, "dry". I mean something happens but you just don't feel it or visualize it. Maybe that is just me, but that sometimes ruins a story for me, a story like CrystallinSiblings was constantly plagued with such problems. Fallen has a pretty hard plot, hard I mean to implement into Stalker but it worked out really well. I am also kind of confused, Ukraine isn't communist right now and the story takes place in the future, so why is it Communist all of a sudden? The characterization of some people in the story was done really well, like Sasha Porkayev, the Dealer, the Sergeant and the Hammer Sniper. The plot was really well thought out and, being new to syntax and all, I didn't notice any errors or problems. The story flowed pretty well, but as a person who has trouble visualizing some things, I lacked details on what some things looked like. The Duty clan wears gray protective suits, I know that, but what about the Zone protection force? You said they were military Stalkers, so do they look like the Military Stalkers in the profile on the site or do they wear normal Spetsnaz camo? In my story, I constantly forgot to describe things and their appearance [what kind of tank was the one that rumbled out of the bushes in my story? I forgot about that]
that is not a huge problem in stories, but adds to the "dry" effect I talked about. Overall, Fallen in my opinion, is an above average fanfic. It has some elements that make it into a really proffessional sounding piece of literature, but is plagued by the "dry" effect [wait, I GOT IT! The "dry" effect is when something is hard to visualize, so therefore you are confused on what is happening]. Really nice, and sounds like a lot of effort was put into it. Personally, not my kind of story, but reaches around the barrier in some places.
  21:17:44  25 April 2005
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Double Edged Sword
(Novice)
 
On forum: 10/05/2004
Messages: 8

---QUOTATION---
Amoki, sorry I always confuse reviews with plot synopis , so here is the review:

I read Fallen and was intrigued by the way the life of Lukov was told, it actually made you think what you would do in situation like this [Mikhail was just asking for it ]. On some parts it just felt, I can't think of another word, "dry". I mean something happens but you just don't feel it or visualize it. Maybe that is just me, but that sometimes ruins a story for me, a story like CrystallinSiblings was constantly plagued with such problems. Fallen has a pretty hard plot, hard I mean to implement into Stalker but it worked out really well. I am also kind of confused, Ukraine isn't communist right now and the story takes place in the future, so why is it Communist all of a sudden? The characterization of some people in the story was done really well, like Sasha Porkayev, the Dealer, the Sergeant and the Hammer Sniper. The plot was really well thought out and, being new to syntax and all, I didn't notice any errors or problems. The story flowed pretty well, but as a person who has trouble visualizing some things, I lacked details on what some things looked like. The Duty clan wears gray protective suits, I know that, but what about the Zone protection force? You said they were military Stalkers, so do they look like the Military Stalkers in the profile on the site or do they wear normal Spetsnaz camo? In my story, I constantly forgot to describe things and their appearance [what kind of tank was the one that rumbled out of the bushes in my story? I forgot about that]
that is not a huge problem in stories, but adds to the "dry" effect I talked about. Overall, Fallen in my opinion, is an above average fanfic. It has some elements that make it into a really proffessional sounding piece of literature, but is plagued by the "dry" effect [wait, I GOT IT! The "dry" effect is when something is hard to visualize, so therefore you are confused on what is happening]. Really nice, and sounds like a lot of effort was put into it. Personally, not my kind of story, but reaches around the barrier in some places.
---END QUOTATION---



Right. The models of type of stalkers in The Zone is here: http://www.stalker-game.com/index.php?t=game&s=creatures Everythhing is according to the models there.

Everything I have writen is according to the books, literally. STALKER is set in an alternative history, not set in the present time (if you want prove, look at the webasite - transaction are carried out it Soviet Rubles instead of Ukrainian Hryvnias ). The same goes with vehicles. The only things that are original are: 1) The T-80 tank, which is Russian made of course 2) The "Wish Rock". This story is written for people who have gone through everything in the website, so it is not hard to imagine why you have trouble visualizing it - perhaps you have not gone through everything in the webiste

AS for the above average grade... tell me which story does it better ,will you. It's not hard to compare really according to Amoki: not a lot of story has Russian swears (in fact, there is only 1 STALKER fanfic that use Russian swears), not a lot of story put in more characters than mine and manage to give them identity (talking type, temper, etc.), and most important of all, not a lot of story has such a solid plot that, by the time you're finished you know everything about the main characters and possibly some of the other characters

Also, as for the P.S part... dunno. But don't start bragging around, because you might get me into trouble. I use this nick for a reason.
  09:26:20  26 April 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
Messages: 7378

---QUOTATION---
Amoki, sorry I always confuse reviews with plot synopis , so here is the review:

I read Fallen and was intrigued by the way the life of Lukov was told, it actually made you think what you would do in situation like this [Mikhail was just asking for it ]. On some parts it just felt, I can't think of another word, "dry". I mean something happens but you just don't feel it or visualize it. Maybe that is just me, but that sometimes ruins a story for me, a story like CrystallinSiblings was constantly plagued with such problems. Fallen has a pretty hard plot, hard I mean to implement into Stalker but it worked out really well. I am also kind of confused, Ukraine isn't communist right now and the story takes place in the future, so why is it Communist all of a sudden? The characterization of some people in the story was done really well, like Sasha Porkayev, the Dealer, the Sergeant and the Hammer Sniper. The plot was really well thought out and, being new to syntax and all, I didn't notice any errors or problems. The story flowed pretty well, but as a person who has trouble visualizing some things, I lacked details on what some things looked like. The Duty clan wears gray protective suits, I know that, but what about the Zone protection force? You said they were military Stalkers, so do they look like the Military Stalkers in the profile on the site or do they wear normal Spetsnaz camo? In my story, I constantly forgot to describe things and their appearance [what kind of tank was the one that rumbled out of the bushes in my story? I forgot about that]
that is not a huge problem in stories, but adds to the "dry" effect I talked about. Overall, Fallen in my opinion, is an above average fanfic. It has some elements that make it into a really proffessional sounding piece of literature, but is plagued by the "dry" effect [wait, I GOT IT! The "dry" effect is when something is hard to visualize, so therefore you are confused on what is happening]. Really nice, and sounds like a lot of effort was put into it. Personally, not my kind of story, but reaches around the barrier in some places.

Right. The models of type of stalkers in The Zone is here: http://www.stalker-game.com/index.php?t=game&s=creatures Everythhing is according to the models there.

Everything I have writen is according to the books, literally. STALKER is set in an alternative history, not set in the present time (if you want prove, look at the webasite - transaction are carried out it Soviet Rubles instead of Ukrainian Hryvnias ). The same goes with vehicles. The only things that are original are: 1) The T-80 tank, which is Russian made of course 2) The "Wish Rock". This story is written for people who have gone through everything in the website, so it is not hard to imagine why you have trouble visualizing it - perhaps you have not gone through everything in the webiste

AS for the above average grade... tell me which story does it better ,will you. It's not hard to compare really according to Amoki: not a lot of story has Russian swears (in fact, there is only 1 STALKER fanfic that use Russian swears), not a lot of story put in more characters than mine and manage to give them identity (talking type, temper, etc.), and most important of all, not a lot of story has such a solid plot that, by the time you're finished you know everything about the main characters and possibly some of the other characters

Also, as for the P.S part... dunno. But don't start bragging around, because you might get me into trouble. I use this nick for a reason.
---END QUOTATION---



Well, A Piece of the Puzzle does it for me, but I did have some trouble on the Assassin part. All stories have the "dry" effect, it is unavoidable, but the story I told you about has only one such scene, and that is impressive, but it is a little shorter. Through the Eyes of a Sniper was completely void of the "dry" effect, everything was written so well that it was easy to visualize, I liked it. Your story is in third for me, but you do have some competition from the new story that was just posted, he is pretty good, I forgot the name of the story though, something German.
 
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