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Fan Fiction: Crisis at Chernobyl

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  05:59:43  13 July 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
hm.. it strikes me as a little "off-topic" - I was half-expecting the story to shift to Chernobyl by now, but you seem to have stuck yourself where you left off just now. I recommend a jump to your mission ops directly - which also put you back on track... unless you still don't have a plot
  03:40:47  13 July 2005
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Vladimir Ikovenko
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/13/2004
Messages: 17
The clerk at the counter busily checked out the family man ahead of Vlad. The young girl was attractive, in her early 20's. Vlad thought immediately she was a university student working part time to help pay the bills. He caught her eye as he watched her work and he smiled. She smiled back and continued checking the groceries and bagging them for the customer ahead of him. She gave the man his total for the groceries and he mumbled something incoherent, but Vlad's trained ear picked up that he was unhappy about the price given. Feeding a family is not cheap and something Vlad was glad at this point in his life he didn't have to worry about.

She placed the groceries into several plastic bags and handed them across the counter as he handed her the money, exact to the change even. She quickly counted it out as the line was not getting any smaller and placed it into the cash register drawer. His receipt printed out and she handed it to him.

"Have a good evening sir" she said to him with a smile and then looked at Vlad. A slight blush rose to her cheeks and Vlad smiled back as the family man grabbed his bags and left.

"Next please." she said.

A further flash of lightning struck followed by a clap of thunder that shook the building. The cashier jumped and let out a scream as did some other people in line. The young couple that was at the door earlier moved further into the store.

Vlad looked outside with a concern and heard a siren. An emergency vehicle passed by, an ambulance, followed by a police squad car. They roared passed the store and in the direction towards his apartment building.

"N..next please." the cashier repeated. Vlad turned to face the cashier, who appeared visibly shaken at the ferocity of the storm raging outside.

He placed his armful of groceries onto the counter and the cashier began checking them out and placing them into a plastic bag. As he had very few she gave him his total and he paid using his debit card. He really appreciated the convenience of not carrying around alot of cash and having the funds transferred directly from his bank account. She swiped the card, and flipped it checking his signature. He had written "See ID" on the signature panel. He entered in his PIN into the number pad on the counter and his transaction came up approved.

"May I see your ID please?" she asked.

Vlad pulled out his state-issued ID card and she verified that it was indeed him from the picture. She handed it along with his debit card back to him as the receipt printed out, which he replaced into his wallet.

She seemed more relaxed now and smiled as she handed him his bag of groceries and his receipt, that hint of blush returning to her cheeks as she smiled at Vlad.

"Thank you and please come back again." she said smiling.

"Thank you." he replied smiling as well, not one to refuse a smile to a pretty woman that found him attractive. The fact that she asked him to return again was not lost on him as she had used a standard farewell of "Have a good evening sir or madam" on ever customer prior to him since he had entered the line.

"Next please." she asked...

He grabbed his bag of groceries and left the line...as she began to check out the groceries of the person standing behind him.

Then he noticed another siren of an emergency vehicle, another police squad car from the sound. He had trained himself since he was a child to detect the difference between emergency vehicle siren sounds and knew this was a police vehicle.

The American-built Ford vehicle roared past the store, sending a great gout of water towards some pedestrians on the sidewalk as it hit a puddle that had built up on the street. Several pedestrians walking along the sidewalk, already soaked from the recent downpour were now completely drenched and an elderly man shook his fist after the speeding vehicle, letting loose a string of curses.

Vlad chuckled as he opened the door, offering it to the elderly gentleman who entered the store, still muttering insults and swear words. He let loose the door as it closed behind the old man and noticed immediately that the rain had eased up considerably. People were beginning to emerge from shelter under awnings and inside doorways of shops and buildings along the avenue. A sense of normalcy was beginning to return to the streets of Moscow...all but the distant sounds of thunder and sirens from the direction that Vlad had to go to get home.
  02:59:41  13 July 2005
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Vladimir Ikovenko
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/13/2004
Messages: 17
Thanks all!

Amoki, Siro, and Parky:

Thanks for your kind words and compliments of my story. You are too kind and generous and appreciate the constructive criticism.

I have been away much too long from the forums and my story and it's time for another installment soon! The overall idea of the story leading up to entering the zone is there...but the inspiration is a bit slow in coming.

I will continue thinking and write something up soon.
  09:47:01  1 June 2005
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parky
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/31/2005
Messages: 8
Good story

Nice story vlad. good grammer and storyline.




---QUOTATION---
the universe is huge, infinate and mysterious.
It makes you wonder why humans consider thenselves such a big screaming deal...
---END QUOTATION---

  21:50:24  12 May 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
Messages: 7378
Sheesh, must've scared 'im off...
  21:57:55  5 May 2005
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Siro
Local Law-Enforcement
(Moderator)

 

 
On forum: 03/02/2005
Messages: 7378
I enjoyed it very much, thank you for your effort.

My friend, I am extremely happy to say that I completely enjoyed your story. Everything was so clearly described, it brought a tear to my eye. I am amazed at your grammar, while you do have some minor comma mistakes, everything else was done extremely well [perfect is too strong a word, nothing in life can be described as perfect, except for my girlfriend ]. I can see that you have experience with Moscow, your description was spot-on, the rush-hour, the FSB HQ, fawless. And being Russian, I can be a good judge of accuratness in describing Moscow.

The descrition of the disaster at Chernobyl in 1986 was just stunning, you even remembered the flaw of the cooling rods, I thought no one knew that! I have no complaints on the reactor description. The characterization is done professionally, you used the indirect method instead of the direct method, which is favored and used by many people. I especially liked the "ciggarette" scene in which you characterized the general [and being a Russian smoker, I can agree with him]. Everything in your story was clear of the "dry" effect, which means that I could visualize every single detail, and I thought that that was impossible. Even the most professional author sometimes leaves out that important detail, thus making it hard for the reader to visualize the events and actions of the characters. The plot is what mainly caught me as intriguing and is also why I want you to continue. I am happy to say, your story is 98% accurate when describing real events and Stalker timeline [adressing an officer will be covered in next paragraph, and the second disaster happened in 2006]

I am really looking forward for the continuation of your story. Please continue writing. With that said, I have a few minor complaints: today, when adressing an officer, Russian police/agents/soldiers don't say "comrade" before the rank, so in your story instead of "comrade general" he should have been "gospadin general", since that is what we say now, and said even when we were communist. The story flowed very smoothly, like a crystal-clear river flowing through a golden plain of wheat in Kaliningrad with blue skies and sunshine. My friend, I salute you, and give you the applause you deserve. Keep on writing, and good luck, comrade!

Siro signing out...
  02:53:00  4 May 2005
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Vladimir Ikovenko
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/13/2004
Messages: 17
Ok thanks for the reply. I'll keep on as-is then and keep it fan fiction. I've got some good inspiration for the story.
  07:42:14  2 May 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729

---QUOTATION---
Thank you for the compliments Amoki.

I hadn't really planned on entering the contest. This post used to be under General as a fun fan fiction. I'm not sure how / when it got moved. Maybe someone thought it was worthy of the contest.

Well thank you again for your comments. May I continue on as-is? Inspiration seems to come to me in short bursts and I have trouble writing for long periods. I suffer from ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I have a similar thread under Middle Earth Online. That's a fun story I'm having with as well.

Actually as for background, I read alot. I am an American citizen living in the US and have only ever been to Paris, France abroad. The tie-in to the game is somewhere down the line, hopefully when the game actually releases I can have a running diary of my game experiences transferred into the story. That is the plan at least.

I have spent much time and interest in history and I guess am putting a little of that knowledge to use here.

Thanks again and hope you and the rest of the community like what I've done so far and what I have planned for the future of the story.

Oh, one more thing. I tried modifying the story's original date to 2010 but couldn't edit it, thus the 2004 date. For all intents and purposes this story is set prior to the events of the game. (To be quite honest I had forgotten the original dates and just found them under the "Game" section. )

Regards,
---END QUOTATION---



ADD or not, you got the right stuff to write. I am NOT talking about writiing as a career of course, but rather as an interest.

The thread was transfered probably by my pals Don Reba or Claws - the "General" topic is for talking about "general" stuff about the game . The literary contest forum used to be a place where we talk about the literary contest only, but somehow we have changed to suit people with any sort of interest in writing a fanfiction. We even have a V.I.P member dedicated to reviewing stories for us, but he is sort of busy at the moment.

As for your short-burst inspiration, the best way to counter it is always find a way to write the idea down (paper and pen in pocket )... and type it out ASAP I am the sort who cannot let an idea sit still because I would get bored with it, after going it over and over and over again and again and again... you get the idea. I have a Sony CLIE to jot down my idea, but I don't think everybody can afford that kind of luxury.

Also, head over to the main contest website (http://www.stalker-game.com/index.php?t=community&s=contest&ss=story&sort=date_desc&c_index=all ) and take a good look on those stories in this page : (https://www.gsc-game.com/main.php?t=community&s=forums&s_game_type=xr&thm_page=1&thm_id=2369&sec_id=5 )

You can learn a lot from these stories, and maybe you might be able to come out with a good fanfiction yourself

On as-is... it is very hard to say to be honest. However, because you're saying that the event is set prior to the event, I'll say go straight ahead. No much have been done in that genre in this contest/fanfiction community. It sure will be interesting to see what idea you have.

Keep up the good work.
  22:47:50  1 May 2005
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Vladimir Ikovenko
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/13/2004
 

Message edited by:
Vladimir Ikovenko
05/01/2005 23:12:10
Messages: 17
Thank you for the compliments Amoki.

I hadn't really planned on entering the contest. This post used to be under General as a fun fan fiction. I'm not sure how / when it got moved. Maybe someone thought it was worthy of the contest.

Well thank you again for your comments. May I continue on as-is? Inspiration seems to come to me in short bursts and I have trouble writing for long periods. I suffer from ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I have a similar thread under Middle Earth Online. That's a fun story I'm having with as well.

Actually as for background, I read alot. I am an American citizen living in the US and have only ever been to Paris, France abroad. The tie-in to the game is somewhere down the line, hopefully when the game actually releases I can have a running diary of my game experiences transferred into the story. That is the plan at least.

I have spent much time and interest in history and I guess am putting a little of that knowledge to use here.

Thanks again and hope you and the rest of the community like what I've done so far and what I have planned for the future of the story.

Oh, one more thing. I tried modifying the story's original date to 2010 but couldn't edit it, thus the 2004 date. For all intents and purposes this story is set prior to the events of the game. (To be quite honest I had forgotten the original dates and just found them under the "Game" section. )

Regards,
  05:12:09  1 May 2005
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Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
Excellent story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can tell you I seldom give any compliment for a "first" story, but it is clear that you either have more experience than that or you have the talent in you..

1) You've paid excellent attention to details. Though this is only the beginning IMO of a bigger plot (or at least I hope so), already you have a clear focus of what you are going to write about.
2) Though there might not be enough in-depth characterization at the moment (history and background only so far), you have also mentioned little details from yoru character's action in your story. The American cigarettes, the dropped vegetables, the thunder clap, the kielbasa - all good here .
3) Again, at lot of technical details of Chernobyl, their related agency and such. Also, great stuff about the book.

Alas, things that come to mind
1) good story as it is, you still have to bear "STALKER" in mind. There is a lot of components from the yet-to-be-published game that is missing: the actual day of the Zone reoccuring was actually 2006. This may be a vital component that you have totally screwed up. Also, the stalkers themselves.... they should worth a mention
2) I don't think this is the end of it. IF you have decided to continue, you should really start planning on the plot. Because of the "pre-set" rules you have set for your next part, your story would have to be short, straight to the point type and involving short, quick burst of action (he's alone, after all).

Would be more than happy to see your work again. Your work really reminded me of the other good stories in the contest that should be ranked side-by-side with you.

A good tip worth mentioning, is that you should not do your work in seperate pieces. Do them all in a go- this way, you can make sure you do not burst and left your story aside after writing for a while.
 
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