 13:12:47 20 February 2006 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
4 days ago
“Deep breath”, he told himself. “Hold it, hold it, hold it…”
“Beep!”
The Mk.23 was drawn. Target practice was on. Almost immediately 2 cardboard targets in red revealed themselves in the middle, and Bogdan did not hesitate to double-tap it: once in the torso, once on the head. Both shots were dead-on.
Third and fourth target popped down in front of him, from both left and right and started to move backwards. With deadly precision the shots got to the legs first, then the body. Incapacitate running suspects, before shooting them dead, he told himself.
Third round: 2 targets revealed themselves. Wait – different look, slow on the trigger. Green target with a red target obscured from behind. Hostage situation. Reds are hostiles, greens are friendly, the innocent. Shoot the red!
A shot later, the bullet nailed on the head of the red target spot on.
“Well done, well done indeed,” a husky voice came behind him, applauding his marksmanship. “Impressing shooting. So what can I do for you, Ivanov? You ask of me but said you rather want to have it done here. Why?”
“I wish to resign, Mr. Kuchma.”
There was an obvious unpleasant look on his employer’s face. His blue eyes showed sign of disbelief.
“Ivanov Bogdan – you are absolutely sure you want to resign… for what?”
“Personal issues. I need to take care of them,” The response was short and curt.
“Ivanov, I’m not going to be happy of this. You are a damn good security operator; everyone who can afford us wants a piece of you.” The boss took out a cigarette and lit it up, before take a deep drag. He always did it before making a momentous decision.
“Who gave you a better offer? I’ll double it. Money’s not a problem, just tell me how much cut you want from every contract we have.”
Ivanov merely shook his head. “Money is not the problem. I need to take care of something which I need to take care of long time ago. I want out.”
“Are you coming back?” The person known as Mr Kuchma enquired. Bogdan looked at the man with grey hair, at least where there still was hair, and answered in his typical no-nonsense manner.
“When it’s done, when I’m coming back, I will. Is my resignation effective immediately as of the contract we’ve come to agree before I signed on?”
‘Yeah. Good luck, Ivanov. I really do hope you come back, but I am going to be very, very angry if I found out you are working with someone else. ” Mr Kuchma wasn’t altogether impressed with this sudden departure.
As he walked out of the building of the security consultancy organisation he worked for, a few former colleagues who overheard the conversation said: “ The Kholodnie Glaza has left.”
“The Cold Eyes” was a nickname given to him by his former associates. He was known to be the only security consultant in Kiev known to be able to shoot someone without batting an eyelid – he did so before, even went as far as to incapacitate screaming bank robbers who were running away when their attempted robberies were met with dismal failure because of him. He was also known for his cold, introverted behaviour, never spoke to anyone unless necessary and never seem to have any sort of emotion on his face. No one even knew whether he had a family or not.
Perhaps that was why no one knew what he was going to do after that.
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 07:06:29 27 April 2005 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
Hey siro, we have to put the the co-author thingie on hold. I have 2 holiday assignments that I have to rush through. I probably haven't give you enough details to work on, so just give the idea a good rest until next week.
In the mean time, get yourself MSN messenger, you will find it handy when we discuss the story,
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 10:01:26 20 March 2005 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Message edited by:
Amoki
03/20/2005 10:04:42
Messages: 1729
|
---QUOTATION---
Yeah, now I'm even more discouraged. You're story really draws the interest of the reader, you just want to find out more about the remaining people and the assassin's background.
I also detect some foreshadowing [an unhappy end perhaps?], really mysterious, yet not boring. Also, really detailed, feels like the Matrix's "bullet time" at some points. Really great job, what else would someone expect from the Literary Contest Forum's Head Honcho? Keep on writing! Great story dude!
---END QUOTATION---
Damn straight about the main character. I intend to keep the spotlight on the main character until nearly the end of the story. The main character will be sort-of like Shylock (from Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare) - someone you will sympathize in the end if you think about him thoroughly/
There may be a huge possibility that I may not finish this story, a large part of it due to the unhealthy amount of violence contained in this story. The last time I have wrote anything with violence was a scene where 2 AP rounds piercing the internal organs of some 'Hammer' squad leader 
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
| 05:27:46 15 March 2005 |
|
Amoki
back with a vengeance
(V.I.P.)
On forum: 07/31/2003
Messages: 1729
|
---QUOTATION---
Seems fairly good for a beginning - depending a lot on what happens next. Generally books and movies like to start with their cool 'action packed introductions' but it could be all downhill depending on his motives (much like my ending kind of drags my story down  ...along with the fact it would need to be like 100 pages to flesh out the characters properly as intended).
Anyway, grammarically it's fairly solid (numerous problems, but none of them actually bring down coherency)...for example:
He cringed, closed his eyes to stop the flood of memory. No, not now. He did not want to be remembered of them now.
I would recommend memory be pluralized.
'did not want to be remembered of' should either be 'did not want to be reminded of' or 'did not want to remember'.
Anyway, could be a good start (don't worry about universities, I wrote mine while attending university (which I'm still attending).
---END QUOTATION---
Hey, Gecko, I have a great idea. Do you want to be the permanent fan-fiction reviewer in this forum? There is no "special" status for you, but I can promote you to be a permanent VIP just like Grisly Silence.
Think about it, and review "Fallen" in this contest. Once I see a complete review from you, you'll be promoted
Great, independant Iraq War journalism: http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli'
We fight our countrys battles In the air', on land, and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom , And to keep our honor clean,
We are proud to claim the title Of United States Marines.
Our flags unfurl'd to every breeze From dawn to setting sun';
We have fought in every clime and place Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job - The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines. - US Marines Hymn
|
|
