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The Sound of Gunfire

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  16:21:22  1 May 2007
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daemonhahn
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/19/2007
Messages: 42
The Sound of Gunfire

The sound of Gunfire. Bullets whiz by me.

I roll and take out my pistol, aiming it towards the first black clothed man. I fire. He falls. A small pool of blood begins to grow beneath him.

I run into an abandoned shed nearby, bullets flying past me. I take out the mag. Just 4 bullets left. Enough for each bandit. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Keep calm. Keep breathing. Think.

Time seems to slow.

I roll out from the shed, and take aim at the first bandit. I fire. He falls. I Aim to his right at the second. I Fire. He falls. I take aim at the third. I almost feel sorry for the guys. They dont stand a chance.

Thud. The sound of me hitting the ground. My vision blurs. I lift my head, and see blood trickling from a small wound just below my left shoulder. I hear noises, footsteps, and then hes upon me, looking down at me from the shadows of his black hood, holding a sawn off.

"Geez" he says in a foreign accent, "i almost feel sorry for you. You didnt stand a chance."

I try to lift my hand to my vest. My arm feels heavy. Ive got to do it. Ive got to show him.

"Oh no stalker" he says, "no gun can save you now my friend"

I peel open the flap to my vest. I hear the sound of the shotgun cocking.

I begin to open my vest up.

Bang.

Blood spurts forth from my chest and fills my lungs. Crimson froth drips from my mouth. In a last effort, as my vision begins to fade, i tear open my Bullet proof vest. The bandits eyes widen as he sees my Commanders uniform.

An explosion. Men shouting.

"Its the commander! Hes shot the commander!" someone cries, "Open fire!"

Bullets whiz past over my head, as the sound of gunfire rings into the afternoon sun.

Poor bugger. I almost feel guilty. He didnt stand a chance.
  00:34:52  4 May 2007
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
 

Message edited by:
Ian_C
05/04/2007 0:36:18
Messages: 273
Nice, it seems quite routine until the twist at the end, and you're still left with a trace of doubt as to whether whether the main character made it or not.

Don't know how to say this without sounding patronizing but it's a definite improvement over 'The hunt - another day in the Zone'.
  17:43:53  7 May 2007
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daemonhahn
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/19/2007
Messages: 42

---QUOTATION---
Nice, it seems quite routine until the twist at the end, and you're still left with a trace of doubt as to whether whether the main character made it or not.

Don't know how to say this without sounding patronizing but it's a definite improvement over 'The hunt - another day in the Zone'.
---END QUOTATION---



thanks, nice to get feedback, and no patronize all you want, i mean constructive critisism is always good as it helps me get better
  20:14:32  7 May 2007
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Cardboard
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/29/2007
Messages: 23
I like it! Nice little twist you have there
  21:22:43  8 May 2007
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daemonhahn
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/19/2007
Messages: 42

---QUOTATION---
I like it! Nice little twist you have there
---END QUOTATION---



thanks i might write a much longer story (i.e one i didnt just start writing all of a sudden, actualy planned) spannind maybe 5 to 10 pages soon. however im also story writing for infinity : the quest for earth at the moment
 
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