| 01:25:24 30 April 2007
The man lacking a plan
On forum: 08/02/2003
It has a nice air of authenticity to it, words like 'dacha' help with that and the sound and simple reasoning of the stalker; 'fireball means food' is quite appealing, a lot of stalker stories, mine included, go deep into the rambling thoughts of stalkers but, ultimatly, they're motivated by very simple things - few would lay their thoughts down in a really detailed fashion, so this neatly avoids that problem.|
That said, while the machine-gun like pace of it is quite appealing I think you need to break it up more with some observations ( of other stalkers, of the zone, a few more emotions of the main character ), otherwise it can tire the reader out pretty quickly and you're just left with a series of 'actions' rather than something lasting.
Keep at it!
"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork."
| 19:39:50 29 April 2007
S.T.A.L.K.E.R MP King
On forum: 04/06/2007
Petya Voronin must pay. A Stalker Tale...with a Vengeance[Part 1]|
I must get revenge. He who dares touch my artifacts must face the consequences.
I wake up in a dacha in Cordon. Today's the day. Vengeance day. Petya is a liar and a thief. No food in the house because of him. My mission is to eliminate the expert Stalker Petya Voronin and take back what's rightfully mine: that precious Fireball. And Fireball equals food. The time to act is now.
The sun is shining as I exit the dacha. My Viper-5 is strapped onto my waist along with 36 9x9mm bullets and a pair of military binoculars. I shake out some bullets and load them into the Viper. Soon the time will come.
As I'm walking along the dirt road, I notice Sergei, and old time pal of mine. I decide to ask him about Petya.
" Hey, Sergei!"
Sergei looks at me and smiles. He then offers me some Tourist's Delight. I thank him and wolf the Delight.
" Oh Petya, huh? Haven't seen him for a while. Rumor has it he's been roaming around the Zone looking for a controller's ear. You can check by his house though. See the little white dacha by that big tree?"
He points to it.
" That's where he lives. You can go check if he's there, but I doubt it. He's been acting strange lately."
I thank him once more and walk across the road toward the white house with no front door. I stop short of the front patio and listen. Nothing. I walk into the old russian style dacha. The floorboards creak as I step in.
Now's the time to act. I unholster my Viper and load it. I raise it to shoulder length an start searching the house.
So far I've found nothing. That leaves one last room. Petya's bedroom. The bedroom door is closed. I walk up to the door, raising my gun even higher so the iron sights meet my eye. Then I raise my foot, and kick the door in.
What I saw in that bedroom was something I will never forget. Nightmares still haunt me to this day.
To Be Continued...
Taken from the friendly Russian GSC Stalker forum:
слыш ты, гном, млять, продвинутый. закрой хавало коли по существу сказать нечего.
Those nice Russians!
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