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The hunt - Another day in the Zone

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  21:19:53  19 March 2007
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daemonhahn
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/19/2007
Messages: 42
The hunt - Another day in the Zone

Note: this is a short story, as i am going on holiday tommorow and dont have time to write a longer 1, i shall do some time later though perhaps.
The story:


I am the hunter. He is hunted.

I crouch there, in the bush, staring into those yellow eyes, and he just stares right back at me. Its my second trek into this area, first time was lucky, no hassle, lots of junk to sell. This times different.

Its some kind of dog, although its hard to tell. Its skin is bubbling and there are several cracks with blood oozing forth from them. I slowly raise my AK. No movement. I point it towards him. No movement.

What a stupid frickin' beast.

I place my finger on the trigger. The bushes on either side of me russle. Movement. Pairs of yellow eyes, and sets of fangs with drool hanging from them appear all around me.

Clever beast.

He is the hunter. I am the hunted.
  20:02:43  20 March 2007
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Kenny
(Guest)
very un-original

It's like you just got done watching jurassic park and the raptors and decided to make it your own.
  07:59:43  28 April 2007
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Eagle
(Novice)
 
On forum: 04/20/2007
Messages: 5
WOW

not bad like to here more though could be great
  11:39:38  28 April 2007
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Ian_C
The man lacking a plan
(V.I.P.)

 

 
On forum: 08/02/2003
Messages: 273

---QUOTATION---
very un-original

It's like you just got done watching jurassic park and the raptors and decided to make it your own.
---END QUOTATION---



I'm afraid I have to agree.

The idea is a good one, but it would be more effective if enlarged slightly and made more surprising, such as a zone creature learning to use something considered above its station or intelligence - albeit in a crude fashion ( don't want Bloodsuckers driving around in cars! )
  20:02:42  9 May 2007
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oFZo
(Novice)
 
On forum: 05/09/2007
Messages: 2
I have to agree it's not very good as well, sorry but although I don't want to put you down I want to be honest.
The idea for the scene is not bad, not exactly original but not bad.
I'd like to think it could be better if you do take the time needed, actually I'm very curious as to what the story would be like if you did.
 
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