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  07:32:37  21 September 2009
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-=Grunt=-
Cake Muncher
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/08/2009
Messages: 4114
Good stuff indeed.
  11:24:38  21 September 2009
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snorkbait
Nexus 6
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081
In order:
OK. Orders received and understood, Madam hhiker.

OK. More on the way, D-J.

Thanks, -=grunt=-
  14:11:25  21 September 2009
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wolfsblut_
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/11/2009
 

Message edited by:
wolfsblut_
09/21/2009 14:26:04
Messages: 28
I have just finished the 4th part.

I like the detailness of your story very much.
But i saw 2 hollywood-like twists in the story which are hard to or beyound believe:

- blondie visited the main character to make it together into the zone (c'mon ... everyone knows thats BS).
- the outpost-guards didnt come after them when blondie and the main character stucked in the swamp and she was injured.

Please keep the story realistic.
  14:37:24  21 September 2009
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-=Grunt=-
Cake Muncher
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/08/2009
Messages: 4114
Now theres a twist, she knew that place was always guarded, has a dangerous path past the fence. Why did she drive there to get into the Zone?


The military guys let them go because they saw.... Boobies!


---QUOTATION---
I peeled off her T-shirt and undid and removed her bra. Some of the soldiers up above were clearly looking on
---END QUOTATION---




---QUOTATION---
‘Stalker!’ a strained voice called from the top of the escarpment, and I stopped, turning. ‘Good work with the woman, but we could have killed you both just now. The favour is returned. Next time we meet, one of us will die!’
---END QUOTATION---

  15:32:31  21 September 2009
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hhiker
off to new worlds
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/31/2008
 

Message edited by:
hhiker
09/21/2009 15:34:12
Messages: 4290
on "holliwoodish" twists

Ooh, speculations and guesswork...
must ... resist... urge..., oh, fugg it.

Guys, isn't it quite obvious that there is another plotline going on that we are not (yet) made aware of?
Mr Bait here has hinted in several places that she has some sort of agenda of her own, hence the seemingly unlikely and risky moves.

(hint1 - the way she behaved at the checkpoint "i just want a gun" - come on, that was just a maneuver to buy time (from the story it's obvious that she's way too smarte + more experienced to think like that)
hint2 - her concern for the guards
hint 3 - what we learn from "her people" - that none of what she did on the way in seemed to make sense & that she hadn't told others what she was up to. I'm thinking there must be a damn good reason to make that kind o choices.)

Now look, what you have done - provoked me to think and stuff
(That's your feedback, right there.)

(ed: oh, damn, should have typed faster...)
  15:32:58  21 September 2009
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snorkbait
Nexus 6
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081

---QUOTATION---
I have just finished the 4th part.

I like the detailness of your story very much.
But i saw 2 hollywood-like twists in the story which are hard to or beyound believe:

- blondie visited the main character to make it together into the zone (c'mon ... everyone knows thats BS).
- the outpost-guards didnt come after them when blondie and the main character stucked in the swamp and she was injured.

Please keep the story realistic.
---END QUOTATION---



Thanks, and good point(s).
To deal with the teaming up first: Who knows what her real motives are? There is/was a motive, and that is revealed later. Without her injury, things would have gone a different way.

Second: I did have a ponder on that myself. However, from their POV, one was clearly injured and may die, and could have taken the attitude of 'Ah well, critters will get them'. In any case, there's the 'favour' of leaving the soldier alive. The soldier returns the compliment, as I would hope a soldier - even a conscripted one - would do (Warrior Code, so to speak).
Granted, it does take liberties with in-game stuff. But then, the biggest 'liberty' is also in-game - the existence of rookie camp so close to a base, and between two outposts.
For the sake of game credibility, some leniency/tolerance has to exist - otherwise there's a honking great logic flaw right from when you first load up. I really just tried to step around those problems and justify why they might exist.
Sadly, while the games are good, the logic isn't a 100% firm base to jump off from.

-=grunt=-: Shortcut. Time was against her, so she took a greater chance than she normally would. It didn't really pay off. Flip the coin, take your chance.
  17:13:40  21 September 2009
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Dogpatch
(Novice)
 
On forum: 03/29/2009
Messages: 43
Going good man!

My only 'gripe' if I must find one, is the guy's 'I was SAS, I'm special' attitude, if you know what I mean. But most Stalkers were ex military so he's probably gonna learn that he's no different to the next guy. But that's good in a way, because he was SAS and trained for one thing, but is now in a totally different world in the Zone.

Can't wait till next chapter!
  17:15:53  21 September 2009
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-=Grunt=-
Cake Muncher
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 01/08/2009
Messages: 4114
Ooh, I see. It's all crystal clear now.
  17:31:59  21 September 2009
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snorkbait
Nexus 6
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 11/21/2008
Messages: 1081
hhiker: Yep. She's always going to be something of an enigma anyway, and you seem to have picked up that she was testing a little.

Dogpatch: Again, good point. He does play the card too often. However, it's pretty much the only one he has left. Think drowning man clutching at straws. And for every ten that are quiet and unassuming, there's one that plays the 'special' card for all it's worth - and there've been comments along the lines of 'so what?' from other characters. (Note: Unless I edited all of them out! Hmm...losing track here).

-=grunt=-: No, it's not you. Should have made things clear. Thought I had, but possibly not, and anyway I shouldn't have to explain. Had this been a 'proper' novel/story, you'd have been left in the fog a bit.

Anyway, back to it.
  21:51:50  21 September 2009
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wolfsblut_
(Novice)
 
On forum: 02/11/2009
Messages: 28
5&6 finished.

Violent shock: Taylor got no company and help (food, bandage etc) for his dangerous field-trip to the rookie-camp.
This was an unexpected story-move but i liked it. Liked the barbarian attitude of the Earlywine-group. Its believeable.

Also i liked the tricky explanation why the army has some sort of a non-aggression-pact with the stalker-group.
 
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